I climbed out, wrapping myself in a towel, dripping sin across the floor. I watched it roll off me and I felt cleansed. I was good and clean and pure.
Tom took away the bath. Margaret didn’t say a word to Tom, not then and not ever as far as I can know so I stayed a Luke for then for them and Margaret brought me food. Bread and water bread and water the body of Christ the body of Christ.
They paraded me down the aisle, made me stand on a platform. Praise the Lord, for I was saved.
The reverend had come up to the attic and I dazzled him. I remembered my prayers well, and the hymns, and passages from the bible I’d learned off by heart. I picked wisely and reeled them off. I was pure, I was holy, I was saved.
They let me out of the attic, dressed me up smart and took me to a church on the outskirts of town, showing me to the congregation, showing what the power of the Lord could achieve. Holy holy holy.
Angel had been outside the house when we left. Margaret invited her to the church. ‘Your friend has been saved,’ she said.
The whole service I stared at Angel. Everyone closed their eyes and bowed their heads in prayer but I stared at Angel. She unclasped her hands and looked up at me, turning her palm to face me. ‘I love you’ was scrawled across her hand. She held it there, as if in salute. At first I thought I’d choke just from wanting to go and touch her, to feel her fingers in mine. She winked at me and I smiled, I thought I’d start snorting with laughter, I thought I’d choke on misery and laughter, and I smiled. It was then I decided to gut the rabbits.
Old lady Taylor had herbs that would send you into a deep sleep. It was easy for me to get a hold of them and slip them in John and pretend parents’ dinner.
Then I cut out the rabbit eyes and I sliced open their bellies. The house was still. The oil lamp flickered. I carried the rabbits upstairs and laid them across John. I pulled the guts out of the bellies and scattered them over his body. I placed the eyes on his eyelids. He didn’t stir.
I left the house, picking up my bag and a shovel by the door. I went to the pig pen and Corporal Pig came trotting out. We walked through the town. The buildings looked unreal in the moonlight. John had told me Monsta’s remains were buried at the crossroads on the edge of town, and I saw the mound of earth next to the wall. I dug up Monsta, stuffing the broken pieces into my bag. I dumped the shovel and doubled-back into town.
I climbed the fence into the Tremayne garden and threw stones at Angel’s window. Her washed-out face appeared then vanished, and there she was in front of me. I touched her face, and I held her.
‘I have to go,’ I said.
She nodded, her lips pinched. Corporal Pig snuffled at her feet.
‘What’d they do to you?’
I shrugged.
‘John told them I had a demon in me.’
‘That shit. He’ll suffer, I’ll make sure of it.’
‘I put rabbit guts on John. I said a lizard curse. He’ll stink of rabbit guts forever.’
‘Good,’ she said. She held my hand and we kissed. She tasted like the sea.
‘You could stay,’ she said. ‘With us. Ann and Bill will take you in, we can share a room—’
‘I can’t. Not after everything.’
She couldn’t look at me. She scrunched up her face and stared over at the fields, up at the moon. She scuffed at the dirt.
‘I want to ask you to come but I’d only be taking you to bombs and ma… She won’t let you stay. I know she won’t.’
‘You shouldn’t be going back to that either.’
‘I don’t belong here.’
‘You belong with me.’
‘Always,’ I said, crying despite all my effort. I wiped at my face with my sleeve and said, ‘I’ll write you. About Queen Isabella, Amelia and Scholler. I’ll tell you about the bombs.’
‘And the lizard people.’
‘And the lizard people.’
‘You better,’ she said, frowning at me.
‘I will. Promise.’
‘Wait here,’ she said, and went back into the house. She emerged a moment later and pressed some coins into my hand and gave me a map.
‘Won’t they be mad? I don’t want you to get in trouble.’
‘I’ll be fine.’
I put the map and coins in my bag.
‘I’ll give you my address,’ I said, taking her hand and writing across the back of it. ‘You can write to me while I’m travelling, so it arrives before I’m home. It’ll be like you’re there, waiting for me.’
She didn’t say anything, just made a choking hiccup noise, kissed me, and ran off, disappearing into the house. I stared up at the house and she appeared at the window. The moonlight made her skin glow.
Chapter 6
Cornwall, February 1941
We walked along the main road out of town, a skip in my step as I thought of John and those unholy bastards.
‘Holy, Holy, Holy!’ I sang. ‘Corporal Pig, sir! Those fools don’t know what holy is, but we do, we do, CP. All hail the lizards down below. Yes, sir!’
I laughed, thinking of John waking up covered in rabbit insides. I jumped into the air, ‘Yee-hah! We’re on an adventure, CP!’ CP took fright and skittered off the road, half-falling into a bush.
‘Ah, CP, c’mon, c’mon. There’s a war on, CP. How are we supposed to win if you’re all dirty milky?’
We stuck to the main road through the night, but took a sheltered route through the forest as dawn broke.
‘I’m sure they’re glad to see the back of me, CP. But you never know, you never know, and I’m not going back in that old attic, that’s for sure.’
We were well past the outskirts of town and I marked on the map where I thought we were and plotted where we would be heading. Signs had been removed in case of a German invasion, which made finding our way more difficult. I didn’t have much of a plan past getting as far away as possible, and once we were far far away we would hitch lifts, hop on trains.
‘I’m tired out, CP. Some breakfast and a nap is what we need.’
We walked deeper into the forest and settled down at the base of a tree. I rummaged in the bag for food, pushing aside the remains of Monsta. ‘We’ll fix you soon, Monsta,’ I said. ‘You’ll be good as new.’ I gave CP some feed and I had a slice of bread. CP fell asleep and I used him as a pillow, drifting off to the rhythm of his breath.
I had a nightmare. I was back in that attic, tied to the bed, unable to breathe as they tore Monsta apart. Angel was there and she was one of them.
I woke to the gloaming. I felt sick, unable to shake the nightmare. Corporal Pig had wandered off and I panicked before I saw his pink bulk through the trees. I went to fetch him and found him snuffling amongst the undergrowth, gathering sticks for a nest. ‘I’ll need to tie you up, CP. You can’t go a-wandering. There’s beasts in the forest that will gobble you whole.’
We set off again, trudging along, moving back to the main roads. The sun set in the west and I knew we more or less needed to head north-east, so on we went and I hoped for the best.
A week into the journey and our supplies were running low.
‘CP,’ I said. ‘If I die, if I starve to death, you can eat me.’
‘Why, Goblin,’ I said, putting on a hoity-toity voice I was sure CP would have if he could speak human, ‘why Goblin-runt-human-child, if I die you can eat me.’