Suddenly I was seized by fear and a feeling of trembling that I was not alone, but God was with me; goose bumps ran all over my body, and naturally, tears flowing like a river my cheeks
Despite of myself I found myself on my knees, and instead of murmuring, repentance began to emerge from my dirty lips.
On my knees, I began to repent and apologize to God so that he would forgive me for my murmurings and discontent. After repentance, I was filled with peace and peace, and most importantly, with the confidence that I was not alone, and boldly went to bed.
I cannot find the right word for this case. The most appropriate word, I would say, is a supernatural phenomenon – an action that is contrary to the law of physics, or, in other words, a violation of the law of physics. The books could not have fallen by itself so easily, especially since they were there for a long time. These books were in this state for several years, no one paid attention to them, they were simply abandoned! How they could have fallen remains a mystery to me! The most interesting thing is that the books began to fall at the very moment when I began to complain to God. There is not the slightest doubt that it was a sign from God that he is always with me. In such a wonderful way, the Lord constantly supported me with his invisible presence in the midst of difficulties and adversities.
In fact, I could not lead a normal life due to the fact that I was constantly tired and could hardly stay on my feet, because I was exhausted to some extent.
Do you thank God for giving you health?!
Whenever I see people being healthy, and leading an ugly lifestyle, First, I envy them and second I feel sorry for them because they do not value life and on top of that, they are worse than animals. Even animals do not behave like that. At least animals know their children, but the people do not know God, who created everything, and all the conditions for our well-being.
I just feel sorry for them, especially when they get drunk and behave in an inappropriate way. They just need nothing but strong alcohol, and they do not think that leave a terrible impression of themselves to other people.
Come to your senses, people, you were not created to live like this, but you were created for the glory of God! If only you knew what the grace of Christ is, it would be worthwhile to plunge into the grace of Christ; you would become a new creature – healthy mind, healthy body!
Every minute of my life was not a joy, but a burden. It can be said that I did not live, but simply existed. At that time, I was not interested in anything, no other than getting rid of this disease, that’s all.
No matter what hospital I went to, what kind of prayer houses I just visited, but there was no benefit, on the contrary, my health became worse and worse. I remember a diet specialist came from Japan. I went to this meeting hoping that I would get well. After the seminar, I did as I had been told. I decided to try to stay on a diet. I completely removed all unhealthy ingredients from the food: salt and other seasonings, ate as she recommended at the seminar. On the recommendation of a specialist from Japan, I had to consume tasteless food for several days, after which, for the first time in my life, I realized the importance of salt and its role in food. As a result of this difficult diet, I have lost a lot of weight. I began to weigh 67, and usually weighed 72 kg. Everyone said that I had lost weight and looked bad. Honestly, the diet did not give anything, except for weight loss, only wasted time that's all.
I did not know what to do, I felt like hiding somewhere out of sight, but nowhere – my family and children.
Finally, I made the decision to go on a mission. First I went alone to Russia in the city of Novosibirsk. There I got a job at the plant of the branch of the Korean company "Chokopai Orion", as a translator, and on Sundays I served in the church. Due to visa problems, I had to return to Korea. Soon after I got from Siberia, we got a call from my wife’s friend a missionary from Kyrgyzstan, she told us to come. Having passed a medical examination for HIV, my family and I went to Kyrgyzstan.
Much more needs to be said, but I just decided to omit it – there is no spiritual benefit from it, and it has nothing to do with a miracle.
In short, I have spent many sleepless nights, my wife is an eyewitness. Over time, the disease reached the point that the same thing began as in Korea – no strength, no energy to communicate with people. However, I had to pretend that I am healthy and happy when I was sick and miserable. Judging from on the look of my face other missionaries knew that I was sick but no one dared to say that I look terrible. I tried not to meet acquaintances outside, was locked up in my world while sick. Even my wife and children did not suspect about this, because they saw me every day. It seems to them I play pretend. I noticed how I was getting old by leaps and bounds; It was evident from my appearance. I was afraid to look at myself in the mirror; I didn’t want to get upset once again, although sometimes I had to.
Sometimes I would go to early morning devotion. The first thing I do is to look in the mirror at my aging face. Naturally, looking at myself in the mirror, I could not believe that it was me. (If necessary I keep a picture of that image)
In order to maintain my health, I went to a gym near my home. Almost every day I spend a time in the gym, doing dumbbells and barbells to raise tone and feel strength. However, no matter how hard and I tried it didn't make me feel better; on the contrary, it got worse.
I was sick and tired of fighting this disease, but there was nothing I could do about it. Finally, a miracle happened! Besides, it happened far from Korea.
What happened was that, after the gym, being tired and in a bad mood, I came home and went to bed, without even having dinner, to disconnect from this torment and unpleasant feelings that overwhelm me. However, I woke up at 3a.m due to anxiety and some discomfort. It was after the midnight, but my wife did not sleep at that time. Then I told my wife I was not feeling well and I needed to go to the hospital for a blood test. In response she said: why do you think that you need to go to the hospital? This is a spiritual problem, you need to pray!
Then I did what my wife said. I sat down on the chair next to my bed to pray. To be honest, I had no mood and desire to pray. After sitting for a while, I went to bed, stretched out my legs, and asked God to take me to himself, because I was tired of fighting this disease, my strength was already exhausted. Besides, I am of no use to You, Lord!
I remember lying on a bed, my wife covered me with a blanket to keep me warm. I remember that well! As soon as I closed my eyes, I had a vision that I look elderly and frail, and besides, I was dying. This was the same vision back in 1995.According to my spiritual experience, what happened to me in a vision it seems that I was still in the body but not fully. I feel the same peace and joy that cannot be found on earth. As a father, the first thought crossed my mind: what about my children, who will bring them up, how will they grow up without me and who will take care of them? Probably, I think, such a thought comes to every parent when he or she leaves his children prematurely for another world.
Then I saw myself from the outside, but in a different time, not in the time in which we live, but outside of time (it was all I was in the flesh). I mean, our life is limited to a lot time, but life without time is eternity. According to the Holy Scriptures, in the beginning God created man to live forever, regardless of time. In fact, in Russian means eternal being. However, after the fall, the first man limited himself to time, putting boundaries on it. There is such phraseology: outside of time and space. In other words, living in time means being separated from God and living independently, relying only on yourself. Therefore, unbelieving people live and do not need God. No matter how you tell people about God, they look at you as an abnormal person and in response they say: why do we need him! We live well without him.