Of course, I’m not saying that we don’t need money, but we do. I wanted to say that our soul is much more important than money or anything. Money can buy everything, but it can't heal the soul. Money cannot buy health that has been lost. A cold can be cured with pills, once you take it, that’s all, but the soul, no pills will help. Only God can heal the soul as soon as a person is touched, and that's it, then the person can become a different. Then I realized that it was not a physical torment, but spiritual. I still cannot understand how I was able to endure a whole week, which seemed like an eternity. As written in 1 Corinthians chapter 10:13.
The temptation has befallen you no other than human: and God is faithful, Who will not allow you to be tempted beyond your strength, but in the temptation itself will give you a way out so that you can endure.
1 Corinthians 10:13
It seems I have been through thick and thin with torment and mental pain. Although it did not last long, it seemed to me it lasted a very, very long time. Probably the suffering that I endured can be felt only in hell, not only after earthly life, but also in this life. Life without God in this life is like in hell and in the world to come. Since this happened to me on weekdays, then there was no one near or nearby who could help me get rid of this pain and anguish. Then my friends could not help me, I needed an experienced spiritual mentor. Therefore, I prayed almost every day that Sunday would come quickly for me to see a spiritual guide.
Finally, the long-awaited day has come, which I have been waiting with impatience. With the coming of Sunday, my spiritual mentor, also my spiritual father arrived. As soon as he appeared at the doorstep of my house, I ran into him with questions, and told him everything that had happened to me during the past week. However, in response, he said nothing, by which I was disappointed in him. As soon as possible, he asked me to gather our neighbors for a bible study meeting.
As the people got gathered, we began to sing a hymn and then the missionary began to pray. Shortly after he preached the gospel and then the meeting was over. For the first time in my life, I began to listen very attentively with great interest to his sermon, looking back at my entire sinful life.
After the gospel was preached, suddenly a peace came upon me and my soul rejoiced as if a heavy weight fell off my shoulders no more remorse as if nothing had happened. I was in the state of mind that I immediately forgot what I felt through. At the blink of an eye I have changed beyond recognition.
After this spiritual transformation, I stopped going to restaurants and spending time with friends playing cards and keeping a company. For several days I kept praying and repenting of the sins that I had committed. For once in my life, I experienced a peace of mind that I had never felt before. I guess, I am getting a second wind. At the tail end of my 30s is like “breathing fresh air"
This state should be nothing but the presence of God in the midst of confusion. The Tears start welling up in my eyes with joy that I have been forgiven of the sin I had done. Although the tears kept flowing down my cheek, I was not ashamed of. Before that, I did not know what those tears meant, but now I know that the tears mean the fruit of the Holy Spirit that produces by the Holy Spirit. The tears are the result of forgiven and the profound change in my spiritual walk with Jesus.
After having these terrible experiences, I did not want to return to the world of sin, which is ruled by Satan. Then I felt relief a sense of some lightness as never before as if I were floating in the air in a state of weightlessness. However this state did not last long. That was enough to prove that God exists! I have got such joy and peace in my soul, great. To be honest, I would not say that his sermon was inspiring and heart breaking; rather, it was boring and monotonous because the whole sermon was about my godless life.
Being filled with joy, and an unearthly peace, I turned towards the window and vowed to God that I would never again follow the heels of this world and lead a sinful life. Something happened to me that never happened before as if someone replaced my soul, and no more heartache and remorse, peace reigned in my soul. It seemed to me that I was in such a state as if a bird flew out of a cage, freed from dependence. Later I realized it was the peace of God in my heart. This peace has not been known to me since I was born. My life has taught this peace should never be taken for granted.
The following day I began to see the world in a different light, and perceive everything that surrounds me differently. The trees, to which I had never paid much attention before suddenly seemed so alive and colorful that I felt like talking, and the singing of birds that once seemed to be like noise under the window when I was sleeping, poured into my ears so melodiously as if I was just in seventh heaven. I cannot describe what changes took place in me when the spirit of God touched me.
How can you not believe that the God we believe in is loving and all-forgiving and He knows our hearts better than we do.
There is no doubt that what happened to me was nothing more than the grace of God was upon me.
Eventually, the blindness of my essence fell from my eyes, and my new spiritual eyes were opened to enjoy things differently. And the blindness, which prevented me from perceiving the world correctly, disappeared forever from my life. In addition, with the change of my life, there have been changes in my guts. I became more balanced, and morally stable, and my temper changed to patience, which I lacked.
All my life I have suffered and tormented because of my stubbornness. I liked to argue, I was kind of self-opinionated. I did not yield anything to anyone because of our differing opinions.
In another word, in this way my life was completely crippled because of my stubborn nature. If I could not stay at home, even for a second, I became constantly drawn to something. Since I could not be in one place, I have had to travel through the Sakhalin oblast illegally These days, nothing gets me down. I can rather sit down and read the Bible and pray and sing to God.
I find joy in doing what pleases to God.
Even my mother sensed some change in my demeanor. One time she asked me: What happened to you, that you became completely different? You don't seem like your usual self. On top of it you are not interested in going restaurants nor meeting your friends. Furthermore, you are being completely isolated from the outside world. After I have tasted the bitterness of this life, and the atrocity of the world that makes people sin. I did not want to return to the world of darkness any more. All I wanted to do is keep my heart pure and holy! No more filthiness of this sinful world and lawlessness.
Bible reading and prayer gave me such great pleasure and joy, and solitude with God that I could sit quietly for days and hours at home. If I used to fidget back and forth before, I could not sit still. Life without God is not a normal life; it is sheer boredom, not life, but just vanity.
With such joy and peace, I could not just sit with folded hands, but went and told my brother's friend about God, who touched my essence, and gave me peace, in whom I found the meaning of life. Seeing that I was sincere, he was getting all the attention of my testimony of living God. After all, he went to church with me, and God touched him. He has not been to the hospital since he devoted his life to God!