It terrified her. She wasn’t still angry with him for what had happened with Audrey.
She was angry with herself. For falling for him when she had promised herself she wouldn’t. For putting her heart in his hands without even knowing she had done it. For giving him control over her with just a touch.
She had given those things away once before, and it had ended in catastrophe. She couldn’t love him.
She sucked in a deep breath. Love wasn’t supposed to exist.
WHEN BRYNA WALKED BACK INSIDE, she ran into Gates.
“Hey, what happened? Where did you go?”
“Eric is back there. I hate to ask, but will you make sure he leaves? He’s drunk and causing a scene.”
“Yeah, I will. But what’s going on? Are you with Eric now? What about that other guy? What’s his name?”
“Cam,” she volunteered. “No, I’m not with Eric. He’s just…I don’t know.”
“Hmm…I think I understand. Let me go talk to him.”
“Thanks, Gates.” She gave him a hug and then back to Cam.
He was waiting for her at the bar. He had his arms crossed, and she could tell now he was pissed. She hoped he hadn’t seen her with Eric outside. She hadn’t meant for any of that to happen. But she never meant for anything with Eric to happen, but he kept weaseling his way back into her life over and over again.
“Hey,” she weakly said to Cam.
“What’s going on, Bryna? I feel like the girl I’ve been hanging out with over the past month disappeared tonight.”
“I’m still here. We’re still getting to know each other. I don’t know everything about you,” she said. “I have some baggage…I guess. It’s not all going to fix itself overnight.”
“Well, I don’t expect it to, but I didn’t think I’d get bombarded with ex-boyfriends.”
“Eric isn’t my—”
“And Gates?”
“Um…yeah, we dated.”
“I thought as much,” he said, looking away. “It’s fine. I know everyone has a past. I have a past and ex-girlfriends. I just want to be prepared when they come up and introduce themselves to me or you start basically having sex with them on the dance floor.”
She opened her mouth to object, but what he had said was the truth. She hadn’t wanted all of this to come out tonight, but it wasn’t as if she could hide it all forever. If they were going to date, then he needed to know.
“I guess you’ve seen the worst of me tonight.” It was a lie.
She hoped to God he never truly saw the worst of her. Her gold-digging status wasn’t that well-known. Most people just thought she liked to date older guys. That wasn’t so crazy.
“Come on. Why don’t you dance with me then?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I don’t dance much but okay.”
They went out onto the floor and spent the rest of the night there. Gates resurfaced sometime later and nodded his head at her. That must have meant that he’d gotten Eric into a cab. She breathed a sigh of relief and was glad the rest of the night would be uneventful.
Cam offered to drive her home. He hadn’t been drinking in a while, and they still had to walk across campus to his car. She went to the restroom before leaving, and on her way out, she ran into Pace.
“Hey,” he said with a smile.
“Were you waiting for me?” she asked, suddenly suspicious.
“No. Just happened to run into you. I like Cam.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Why?”
“He’s a nice guy.”
“And?”
“And nothing, Bri,” he said with a smug smile. “He’s just nice. Seems good for you.”
Her guard was immediately raised. “What the fuck did you do?”
“Nothing! Christ! I can’t say I like the new boyfriend? Don’t jump down my throat.”
He disappeared inside the men’s restroom, and she glared after him. She didn’t trust him to be so cavalier. He had looked way too pleased with himself. She bit her lip, trying to figure out what he might have done. Had he told Eric to come to Posse? No, Eric knew better than to listen to Pace. Had he said something to Cam?
Grr. I don’t know.
She walked back to Cam with her head full of all the schemes Pace could have enacted. She knew if it were herself, a million things could have happened. He could have seen her and Eric kiss. He could have videotaped her dance with Gates and sent it to TMZ. He was probably the one who had told Cam that she and Gates had dated. She didn’t know what else Pace might have done, and it made her nervous.
Cam took her hand as they left the club. Their walk across campus was silent. Presumably, she should have been enjoying his company, but she was too caught up in what Pace could have done. Maybe that was what he had wanted all along. He could have totally been bluffing. She nearly groaned with frustration.
If Cam recognized her mood, he didn’t say anything. She got in his Mustang, and he drove the short distance back to her apartment. As they walked up to the top floor, he wrapped an arm around her waist and squeezed her side. It brought her back to reality, and she instantly felt bad for letting her mind wander.
“I had a good night,” he said once they reached the door.
“Me, too. Despite some of the setbacks.”
“Water under the bridge.”
His lips touched hers, and she felt this weird sensation creeping through her stomach. It felt like sewage was being poured directly into her gut. She had never felt like this before. Horrible. Awful. Wretched.
Not from the kiss. The kiss was fine. But it was something else…
Guilt.
She had let Eric kiss her earlier. She had wanted that kiss. She had craved it. And now, she was here, kissing Cam, and it felt…wrong. Like she shouldn’t be doing it. She and Cam weren’t even official. They weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. She should have no reason to feel guilty about what had happened. But she couldn’t help it.
She backed away into the door and fumbled for her keys. “I think I’m going to go to sleep,” she said into her purse. “I’m pretty exhausted.”
“Right,” he said. He looked down at the ground and then up at her uncomfortably. “Are you sure? I could come in and keep you company.”
“A different night. I’m just so tired.” She yawned for dramatic effect.
“Okay, Bri,” he said the name ironically. It didn’t fit right on his tongue. “Night.”
With that, he turned and walked away.
Then, there was this other weird emotion. Pain shot through her chest, and her stomach flipped uncomfortably. She felt her mouth go dry, and her head pounded. She bit her lip and thought about walking after him, but she didn’t.
Regret.
Goddamn it.
She turned the key into the lock and pushed her way into the apartment. But she couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened tonight. She couldn’t go to sleep like this. Not now. She changed into some more comfortable clothes and then went out to her car.
She didn’t know what she was going to say when she showed up, but she knew she needed to say something. She couldn’t leave it like that. There was so much unsaid. She sighed and drove across town.
She parked in front of his house. His car was in the driveway, and a light was on inside, so she knew he was home. She knocked twice, and when no one answered, she let herself in.
“Hello?”
The TV was on downstairs, but she didn’t see him. She heard the toilet flush in the bathroom, and then Eric walked out.
When he saw her, he stopped in his tracks. He was shirtless in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. His hair was tousled, and he looked like he might have been sick, but he wasn’t drunk anymore. He’d sobered up.