Still together in unholy alliance—my words—you were observed in a markethon where Dr. Shima pursued the screaming and laughing Miz Nunn with patently carnal intent. You pelted the lady with phallic objects, doctor; asparagus, celery, bananas, mushrooms, and sausages. To make certain that your intent would be understood by all, you had embellished the objects with crude but specific details.
There was some sort of gap here in your knight’s moves, but apparently you split up again. Madame was pursued in the Strøget where she was smashing star-sapphire displays and denouncing conspicuous consumption, proclaiming, “Vanity of vanities; all is vanity.” Dr. Shima invaded the Equal Rights maternity hospital and disrupted and endangered several crucial deliveries shouting that he had been impregnated by an elephant and needed an emergency abortion.
You took refuge in the Church of All Atheists, Miz Nunn, where you shocked those few unbelievers who understood Latin by chanting in a loud voice as follows: “O tua lingula, usque perniciter vibrans et vipera. O tuae mammulae, mammae molliculae, dulciter turgidae, gemina poma.” For shame, madame.
And you, Dr. Shima, mounted to the roof of an oasis adjoining the P.L.O. headquarters and tried to topple their two-ton rain tank onto the pinnacle of the P.L.O. pyramid with your bare hands. You were heard howling, “She may enter you but never vice versa.” Really, doctor!
Final act of madness: The two of you burst into this H.Q., sought me out, and tried to stone me to death for being—your words—the wicked sorcerer who had conjured up the Golem100. Fortunately, you were armed only with magical toadstones, which ancient sorcerers believed resided in the heads of toads and could destroy all evil. They are not lethal. But most unfortunately you had neglected to remove the stones from the toads.
Subadar Ind’dni stopped, smiled, drew a deep breath, and crossed to the tree trunk, which he stroked absently. There was silence.
Then Shima croaked, “We did those insane things?”
“And perhaps more,” Ind’dni murmured.
“For twelve hours?”
“A most provocative drug, your Promethium, doctor. Incidentally, may I suggest that you and Miz Nunn submit to a physical examination in near future. Promethium is radioactive, although no reports were received of your glowing in the dark.”
“I know,” Shima muttered. “It was a calculated risk.”
Gretchen said, “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”
“Neither will help, madame. More important is to learn how and why you did what you did.”
“Then you believe we have no knowledge or recollection, Mr. Ind’dni?”
“I watched your facial expressions whilst recounting. Yes, I do. Now, are you willing to discuss an impasse with me?” Ind’dni returned to the charcoal pit and seated himself on the rim. “Before you answer, permit me to assure you that I make no official threats. Your absurd acts were mischief, merely, which may easily be healed by fair payments to victims which I know you will do. The precinct will not advise Legal to prosecute. In any event you could not be immediately punished because tomorrow is the first Opsday of Ops Week. No, my entire concern is the Hundred-Hander beast and I am convinced that you are deeply and secretly involved with that obscene creature. Do you insist on keeping your secret? It is your privilege, and that is the impasse.”
At length Gretchen said, “I think we’ll have to open up, Blaise.”
“I wanted to before but you stopped me.”
“The timing was wrong then. Now is the moment of trust.”
“Reserving what?”
“Nothing.”
“Your phony weapon? My Mr. Wish?”
“Both.”
“There go our careers.”
“Not if the Subadar can be trusted.”
Ind’dni called quietly, “You are taping?”
The disembodied voice answered, “Yes, sir.”
“No longer, please. This consultation is now for my ears only, on my sole responsiblity. You will end record on these words.”
“Yes, sir. Ten-four.”
Gretchen gave Ind’dni a grateful look. “Yours the grace, Subadar.”
“Mine the honor, madame. Now then… ?”
And they told him everything. Ind’dni gave them the courtesy of unmasking his face as he listened; he registered suprise, exasperation, anger, incredulity, and even occasional amusement, but not once did he express sympathy. In fact, when they had finished the long recital, he spoke with the severity of a father. “For two distinguished persons, educated and expert, among the elite of the Guff, you have behaved like silly children playing—what was that antique game?—playing Cops and Robbers.”
“We were only trying to meet a strange problem with a strange solution,” Shima muttered.
“No.” Ind’dni was emphatic. “You were trying to answer strength from weakness. If I am to believe your analysis, madame, I—”
“Do you?” Gretchen cut in.
“I am strongly tempted for a reason you have given me quite unaware. Perhaps I will manifest it later. According to your analysis, this Golem monstrosity knows none of the logic of human behavior. It is undiluted passion. It is savagery. Then how meet it with rational reasoning? Can we anthropomorphize a cyclone? And this maleficent is a cyclone tearing apart the Guff. You say you saw it in your Subworld?”
“We think so.”
“Describe same. No, not yet. First describe the subterranean continent as you saw it.”
“We didn’t see it at first,” Shima said. “Our senses were merely echoing.”
“Then describe echoes.”
“But it was just silly nonsense, not worth repeating.”
“You think so? But I have reason to ask. Do not underestimate my cerebral intelligence, I beg. Please to answer.”
Ind’dni listened intently to the description of their fantastic sensory flashes during the Promethium trip. When they were finished he nodded with satisfaction.
“And now the lunacy of your twelve-hour peregrinations is explained,” he said. “Can you not link up parallels between the real world—the Ourworld, Dr. Shima calls it—and your Phasma adventure?”
Shima seemed angered by the Subadar’s grasping something he had missed. “You tell us,” he growled.
Ind’dni’s face flickered; he had noted Shima’s annoyance. “No need for exhaustive detail,” he said smoothly. “I am sure you will construct all for yourselves after I have given a few clues… signposts to guide you. Did you not, doctor, appear to Miz Nunn as an Aztec god? And your search for a virgin at Intra National Cartel Association?
“At another point, attempting to perceive Miz Nunn, you saw figure of a nude woman with internal organs displayed. Does this not tie in with your event at the Guff morgue? Madame, attempting to see you, saw a tattooed Japanese samurai. And what of the happening in the real tattoo parlor?
“You saw yourself, doctor, as a grotesque man with an elephant head. No connection with your invasion of E.R. maternity hospital claiming to have been impregnated by an elephant?
“You saw yourself as a Christmas ornament, madame, and meanwhile in physical life you were covering Staten Island launch pad with Christmas red and green, insisting that aliens on distant stars would understand Luke ii, ‘On earth peace, good will toward men.’ Enough signposts? Need I continue?”
Shima whistled. “By God, he’s right! Everything ties in. When I saw you as a beautiful black nude… that must have been when I was spraying women black.”
“Yes. And when I saw myself dancing with you, that’s when I was seducing the poster.”
“But why didn’t we realize it?”