Maggie makes a noncommittal noise like “Uh-huh.”
“So toned, so fit,” Steve continues, doing a bicep curl to illustrate the point. “What do you do, free weights? Pilates?” Another eyebrow arch. “Sweaty, hot yoga?”
She shakes her head. “Do these lines ever work, Steve?”
“All the time, Mags. You know why?”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Maggie says, “but I bet you will.”
He leans in toward her ear. “Because I’m a rich, successful forty-seven-year-old surgeon now. I can pull much younger tail than you.”
She makes a face. “Did you just say ‘younger tail’?”
“You’re not too good for me,” he says. Then he adds in a cruel whisper, “Not anymore.”
With that, Steve oozes away.
Steve’s trail of ooze leads to a cluster of their old classmates in the right-hand corner. She knows them all, but when she looks over, they all huddle up and do their best to pretend they don’t see her. Part of Maggie is furious and wants to confront them, but a bigger part — a more honest part — wonders whether she’d be part of that eye-avoidance huddle had another classmate been this shamed instead of her.
Screw it.
Maggie heads straight into the heart of the huddle and says, “Hey, everyone.”
Silence.
She looks from face to face. No one meets her eye.
“Stephanie,” Maggie says to an old friend who is staring at her champagne as though it holds a secret, “how’s Olivia?”
Olivia is Stephanie’s daughter.
“Oh, she’s, uh, she’s doing well.”
“Did my recommendation letter help?”
Maggie knows that it did. She’d written the letter a year ago, when her name opened rather than slammed doors, and she knew of course that Olivia had gotten in, but right now Maggie is not in the mood to let anyone off the hook.
“Stephanie?”
Before Stephanie can answer, another classmate, Bonnie Tillman, takes Maggie’s elbow. “Can we talk privately for a moment, Maggie?”
Bonnie is an ophthalmologist in Washington, DC, and still (and forever) their class president. Her helmet of hair is firmly shellacked into place. She forces up a smile. It’s a big effort to hold it. They say it takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown. In Bonnie’s case, it’s clearly the opposite.
They move through a set of old glass doors onto a terrace.
“We all feel bad about your recent troubles,” Bonnie begins in a voice that couldn’t be more condescending without some kind of surgical help, “but it doesn’t excuse what you did.”
Maggie says nothing.
“This event,” Bonnie continues, “is for esteemed physicians.”
“It’s for graduates.”
“You know better.”
Silence.
“Your medical license was revoked,” Bonnie continues.
“Suspended,” Maggie corrects. “Pending a review.”
“Oh, so you’re innocent?”
Maggie says nothing.
“You should leave.”
“I don’t think I will.”
“It’s unfair to your mother’s memory.”
“Excuse me?”
“You don’t own her memory, Maggie. Not on this campus. She meant a lot to many of us students. Your being here? It’s a blemish on her memory.”
“I was asked to present the scholarship,” Maggie says.
“That was before.”
“No one rescinded the invitation.”
“No one thought it was necessary.”
“So who’s doing it?”
Bonnie straightens her spine.
“Wait, you?”
“The administration thought it best.”
“But my mother always thought you were a stuck-up tight-ass bitch, Bonnie.”
Bonnie’s eyes widen as though she’d been slapped. “Well!”
Maggie says nothing. Bonnie recovers.
“Either way,” Bonnie says, “you should leave. Your being here sullies the reputation of our class.”
Bonnie spins to leave. Maggie closes her eyes, opens them, stares out.
“Bonnie?”
Bonnie stops and turns back to Maggie.
“My mother never said that. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. She always spoke well of you. You’re a good choice to do this.”
Bonnie swallows. “I’ll do my best. I promise you that.”
She leaves Maggie alone on the terrace. From inside, someone starts clinking their champagne flute with a fork to get people’s attention. The crowd quiets. Someone asks people to gather around so they can begin. Maggie stays out on the terrace.
Bonnie is right. She shouldn’t be here.
She stares out at the foliage. From behind her, someone closes the glass doors so that she no longer hears what’s going on in the room. That’s okay. She is tempted to reach into her purse and contact Marc again, but that’s an awful crutch and just makes her feel worse.
“Hello, Maggie.”
The man wears a bespoke tailored suit of cobalt blue with a tie so perfectly knotted that one assumes he had divine help. His hair is gray, parted perfectly on the left. Maggie knows that he’s in his early seventies — he’d been a classmate of her mother’s and she’d been invited to his seventieth birthday party a few years back, but she’d been overseas and couldn’t attend.
“Hello, Doctor Barlow.”
“You haven’t been my student for a long time, Maggie. Can’t you call me by my first name?”
“I don’t think I can, no.”
Evan Barlow smiles. He has a good smile. He looks, to quote a sleazy classmate, so toned, so fit. She almost asks him if he does sweaty hot yoga. Evan Barlow heads up the Barlow Cosmetic Center, perhaps the most prestigious and discreet cosmetic surgery firm in the country. When celebrities want the work done so that no one knows, they trust Evan Barlow.
They stand now side by side, staring out at the quad. “Do you know this is my first time back on campus since I graduated?” he says.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“So why are you back?”
“I think you can guess.”
“Mom?”
“I loved her, you know.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“She and your father are both gone, so I can admit it now.”
“I thought you two just dated for a few weeks.”
“We were in our second year. But she broke my heart.”
Maggie frowns. “Haven’t you been married three times?”
“Four,” he says.
“And isn’t your current wife like thirty years old?”
“Thirty-two,” he says, spreading his hands. “See what a broken heart does to a person?”
Maggie can’t help but smile. Barlow does the same.
“Your father was such a good man, a much better choice for her. So I settled for friendship. But...” He shakes his head. “You get old, you get sentimental and philosophical. I’m trying to be glib, but I’m also revealing a truth.” When he smiles at her, she flashes back to surgical rounds at NewYork-Presbyterian, what a generous teacher he’d been to her, how exhausting and exhilarating it was just to be in his presence. Evan Barlow had been a pure hit of crackling energy. You wanted to be around that.
As though reading her mind, Barlow says, “You’re the best student I ever had. You know that. You’re a surgeon, so you have the ego to know that what I’m saying is true.”
“Correction: I was a surgeon.”
She squeezes her eyes shut. She feels his hand on her shoulder.
His voice is so gentle. “Maggie?”
The tears push into her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I let you down.” She opens her eyes. “I let her” — no need to say who her referred to — “down.”