They soon found an open bench. Alex shook his head, amazed at the way he reacted to her. He felt an instant emotional connection, one that was just as quickly thrown into chaos as it was formed. She looked to be his age, but he knew she had to be vastly older. Just looking at her made him long for her approval, her companionship, intimacy…while she made an obvious point of sitting upwind of him.
“I was so proud of you yesterday,” She said with clear disappointment. “Even after all that had just happened, you got up and went to work, and I thought everything was well, but…ugh. Look at you. I’ll bet every moment you’ve been home alone with her you’ve been putting your…” she waved her hand as if fighting for the right word, “penis into her, haven’t you?”
He bit his tongue. “I’m glad to see that you’re okay,” Alex said, hoping to shift the subject for just a moment. “I wanted to talk to you more before you left.”
“Sure you did,” Rachel frowned.
“Hey, I held out until last night!” Alex finally shot back. “She’s been wrapping people around her finger for like two thousand years. I’m a single nineteen-year-old guy. What did you think was gonna happen when you sent me home with her?”
The angel inhaled sharply and looked away as if he’d slapped her. “I’m sorry,” Alex found himself pleading, “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to yell at you. It’s just…yes, I slept with her, alright?” He bowed his head. “I slept with her, and before I did I was totally freaked out over what might happen. But now I don’t know why I should even feel bad about it except that…except that it makes you unhappy. I feel awful about that all of a sudden. And it’s not even like I really know you or owe you anything,” he mumbled.
Silence fell between them. The pair looked down at the ground awkwardly. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” Rachel conceded. “I expected you’d sleep with her at first. I just thought after yesterday that you must’ve told the bitch to keep her tramp snatch shut. I suppose it doesn’t do any real harm…even if you’re probably bound to do it again,” she ventured sullenly. Alex’s eyes widened a bit as he shrugged in admission. Rachel just turned her head, nodded, and fell silent again.
“Why does it bother you?” he asked gently.
The angel blew at a lock of hair that dangled over her face. “Because I know what she is and what she’s capable of, and you’re just a mortal. I just thought it was cool to see someone like you shut her down.”
“I didn’t sleep with her the first night.”
Rachel shrugged. “That’s still pretty impressive, I guess,” she mumbled.
“She said it’s not like Heaven looks down on sex if that’s all it is,” Alex muttered. “And you both told me the bond means she can’t lie to me.”
“It’s not an issue for Heaven. Not if you aren’t hurting people or, well, betraying someone.”
“Do you feel betrayed?” Alex asked. Her breath caught, piquing his curiosity, but he held it in check. Lying probably wasn’t in an angel’s skill set. Maybe being so direct was a little harsh on her. “Does that question make you uncomfortable?”
“Yes,” she nodded. “This whole topic makes me uncomfortable.”
“You don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry I asked. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Whatever’s going on between Lorelei and I is just weird. I think it’ll always be weird. But I’ve told her that I don’t want to hurt anybody. We’re just trying to get along when everything between us is bound to be weird.”
“You haven’t hurt anybody,” Rachel almost whispered. “I guess what goes on between you and…her is just between you and her.”
“I’m happy to see you, Rachel,” Alex tried again.
She nodded. “It’s good to see you,” came her hesitant response.
“Did you say you saw me go to work yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ve found me here. But you didn’t know about Lorelei and I until just now. Have you been watching me somehow?”
Rachel nodded, her brow furrowed. “I can see you much of the time even when I’m far away, but not when you’re with… her.” There was less venom in her voice, but the topic was still tender. “I suspect it’s because I’m still weakened by the ritual and she’s got such an overpowering aura of skank that I can’t see through it.”
He blinked. Everything about her was angelic-literally-except for everything that came out of her mouth. “Is there anything you can do to recover?”
“My strength returns slowly. The Hosts think that there’s a channel between us because of the ritual bond. If you do good, I’ll get better.” Rachel looked him in the eye. “That little incident in your philosophy class this morning kind of helped. It was nice of you to stand up to that dipshit to help your professor.”
He blushed. “Just seemed like the thing to do. Seemed stupid before too long.”
“You might’ve handled it better, but you stepped up. You can’t go looking for things like that on my account, though. It won’t make any difference if you’re only trying to help me. Donating a ton of money to charity or picking fights against jerks won’t do me any good, so don’t try. Put the whole issue out of your head. You’re a good guy as it is, so it’ll take time, but I’m sure eventually I’ll get better. Just live your life, okay?”
“By Hosts do you mean the other angels? I thought they’d help you break free of the ritual?”
“Freeing me might also free her, which complicates things,” Rachel shrugged. “Keeping her off the chess board like this is a big deal. You’re doing the world a big favor, actually… but I’m not sure if the Hosts even know how to fix this, anyway. When I spoke with my peers there was a distance. No harmony, no concord.”
“You said you were diminished. Wouldn’t that be part of the spell?”
She shook her head. “No. They seemed standoffish somehow. I’m used to being the unpopular kid nobody wants to sit with at lunch, but it’s worse now. I suspect they don’t know what to do and they’re afraid to admit it.” Her voice hinted at bitterness and pain. Alex reached out to hold her hand, and this time she allowed it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I think you’re wonderful.” Then, hoping a change of subjects might lighten the mood, he asked, “So you’ve been watching me?”
“Yes. I’ve been appointed your new guardian angel, for whatever I’m worth as such.”
“Wow. That’s nice. Most people don’t get to meet theirs.” As he watched her face, he grew a touch suspicious. “Does everyone have one?”
“More or less, yes. It’s not a one-to-one ratio, though. There are way more people who need guardians than there are guardians to go around, so protection isn’t constant. Protection can be lost, too. Mostly for going through life as a giant cockbag, but there are other reasons.”
“But you’re my new one? Who was my guardian angel before?”
“His name is Donald. He’s…kind of a pussy. He quit.”
“He quit?!”
“Abandoned his post. Chickened out. Buggered off.”
“When did that happen?”
Rachel looked up into Alex’s eyes, struggling to keep her voice even despite her open bitterness. “Right when you decided to face mortals capable of capturing an angel. He followed you into that chapel, saw a fellow angel bound, tortured and facing rape and enslavement, and promptly ran like a bitch.”
“Oh my God,” Alex breathed.
“Yup. Turns out even angels are flawed. Hardly any of us will admit that, but some angels are chicken-shit. Some are fuck-ups. Some are assholes.” She shrugged again.
“I’m so sorry.”
“For what? You saved me.” He finally saw her smile again. “I owe you my life.”
“So you volunteered to be my guardian angel?” he smiled.
“No. I wanted to, but like I said, I’m not exactly at my best. I wanted you to have someone stronger. I argued for that, even. The Hosts decided that I was the most appropriate choice despite my weaknesses.”
“I’m flattered.”
“Don’t be. I’ve never done this before, and I’m weak. I feel pretty half-assed as a guardian right now. I think they just figure if I’ve got mortal cooties it’s better to stick you with me than give you someone else who might get infected, too. I wish you’d gotten someone better.”