With that, she strode away, leaving Peggy feeling small, exposed, and desperately aware of how much she wanted and needed Frank in her life.
She didn’t notice right away that the waitress had delivered entirely the wrong dishes.
* * *
“Next thing you’re going to tell me is that ‘Gladiator’ is full of historical inaccuracies.”
Lorelei laughed openly. “You mean other than the entire plot? Or the fact that you see four hundred years of fashion over the course of the film?”
Their hands remained clasped at the center of the table as Alex learned that Lorelei could make small talk like anyone else. “I didn’t expect you to watch a lot of movies,” he mused. “I figured that’d be boring to you.”
“I am closer to human than you might think,” Lorelei shrugged. “Everyone likes stories. The world grows smaller, but the variety and scope of the stories grow.”
“So you wouldn’t say things were better in the past and today’s world is soulless and vapid?”
“Vapidity and soullessness are nothing new. Those who claim the world is less now than it was long ago have the luxury of ignoring broad swathes of waste and mistakes and sorrow. They see through filters and the comfort of distance and detachment.”
“So there aren’t times you miss?”
“I did nothing with those times that compares to what I have in the present,” Lorelei pointed out affectionately.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t all…work, right?” Alex asked, unsure of how else to say what was by its nature indelicate. “It sounds like you’ve always had time to yourself.”
She nodded. “Indeed. Plenty of time. Speed was rarely my goal, and thus laying out plans left me with wide gaps of time to fill on my own. Nor was I often…recalled by my superiors, or for very long. So no, it was not all work. Far from it. But I was largely inclined toward solitude, or distance from others at best. Truly good souls tended to shun me on instinct before now. Spending so much time around the most reprehensible of mortals takes a toll.” She paused before admitting, “It never occurred to me before this week how lonely I have been.”
Alex squeezed her hand. It seemed like enough deep introspection for one dinner. “So you have hobbies?”
Her smile returned. “Music and dance.”
“No kidding?”
“Dance has always had practical applications for my line of work, as it were, but I have always indulged in many of the arts. I am an excellent dancer and musician, if I say so myself. I’ve performed for a wide variety of audiences, high and low-though not among my own kind. One can’t expect a fair reception among those who only know malice.”
Again, he steered away from gloomy topics. “So how far off are my tastes from yours?”
“Your tastes are good, if very narrow,” she teased. “That seems normal for your age and this society, though.”
“Hey, I’m pretty open-minded.”
“Name a single artist or composer in your collection that pre-dates rock’n’roll.”
He thought hard. “Metallica’s got a song with an intro that’s supposed to be derivative of one composer or another,” he offered with a self-deprecating grin.
Lorelei softly shook her head with amusement. “Oh, the luxuries that await you.”
“Fraulein Sofia!” a voice gasped. Lorelei’s eyes briefly widened before her cool self-assurance reasserted itself. She and Alex turned toward the voice, which repeated as if in shock, “Fraulein Sofia.”
She was old. The woman wore a matronly, respectable dress in light blues, with hat and gloves and a small purse. Her face and stature and the slight shake in her arms showed the kind of age that could only be borne with an indomitable spirit. In truth, for all the years shown by her body, her only real sign of frailty lay in that she was looking at a ghost.
The woman had others with her. Younger, all of them, though one man was old enough to be Alex’s grandfather. “Imah, come,” he said. Alex knew the word; Jason’s family often spoke Hebrew at home. The old man’s height made the notion that he could be her son seem a touch comical, almost, were it not for her grave expression and his obvious concern. They were all much taller, though, Alex realized. Much taller and healthier. Born and raised in dramatically better times.
“I’m sorry?” Lorelei asked, blinking in confusion.
“You could be her twin,” the elderly woman mumbled, still in shock. “You look so much like her. Just like her, touring the camp…with that laugh…” Alex heard more than surprise in her tone. The elderly woman’s voice trembled with fear-or at least the echoes of it.
“I am sorry,” her son said. A younger woman, probably his granddaughter, tugged gently at the elderly woman’s wrist to lead her away. “Just a misunderstanding,” the man added.
“No apologies necessary,” Lorelei shrugged, showing a face of concern and compassion. She looked down, though, as they led the woman away to their large family table. Her eyes came up to her date’s again only with reluctance.
For the first time, he seemed far away. Somehow in all of this their hands separated. “Alex,” she began softly.
“You don’t have to explain,” he said, his voice quiet. “Her gloves didn’t come up all the way on her wrists. I could see the numbers.” As he spoke, their waiter arrived with their dinner. Alex only nodded his way through the man’s perfunctory questions, waiting until he left to speak again. “I’ve been going to Friday seder at Jason’s since middle school. His grandfather came to speak to my eighth grade class.” He picked up a fork and nudged his steak with disinterest. “History was always one of my better subjects,” he mumbled.
Lorelei hesitated. “Alex, I never had any part in what happened to-“
“I believe you,” he nodded, still quiet. After a moment’s silence, he shrugged and looked up at her. “I believe you,” he repeated. “Like Cordingly, right?”
“Yes.” The glimmer in her eyes had changed. Before, that shine conveyed happiness. Now the light merely shimmered against tears.
Beyond Alex, Lorelei saw the woman rise from her table. She brushed off the offers of help, needing nothing more than her cane. She said something in accented Hebrew about just going to the bathroom. She moved off, not looking back.
“You were there to punish someone, right?” Alex asked.
“I was.” Lorelei’s voice seemed to have fled from her.
After a moment, Alex said, “I’m not judging you, Lorelei.” She looked at him with pleading eyes, but he just shrugged again. “I wasn’t there. You weren’t who you are now. I know most of your life was ugly, and I just…I don’t see the use in being mad at you for what went on before. I don’t want to be mad at you, Lorelei. Holding onto the past when we can’t do anything about it just doesn’t seem…” He lost that train of thought, and shook his head. “I want us to be happy together.”
As he spoke, Lorelei feared their happiness had already vanished. “I am so sorry.”
Alex shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize to me.”
Silence hung for another long, difficult moment. She understood, of course, that there was no implied message in his words. Still, she said, “No. Would you excuse me, Alex?” She waited for him to nod before she got up and headed for the restroom.
Lorelei passed by a table where several men enjoyed drinks after a successful day’s sales meetings. A blonde waitress collected their empty glasses, bending at the hips to reach the furthest of them.
“Hey, honey,” the man on the end seat slurred, “c’n you bring us another round? I’ss kinda bottoms up time f’r us.” In his current state, he figured that was witty. He also figured she’d be flattered to have his hand grab at her ass.
An instant later, he figured he should absolutely not cry out as she crushed his fingers together with an iron grip. She stood up straight, holding his hand but otherwise ignoring him. The blonde watched Lorelei until the dark-haired beauty slipped behind the bathroom door.