“What do you mean?”
“You remember how a demon slain on holy ground is gone forever?” she asked, keeping her tone low so no one would overhear.
“Yeah.”
“Well, imagine someone who goes around fighting demons but never actually puts any of them down for good. And he’s got the same advantage they do in that it’s hard to completely destroy an angel. He’s never in a position where he might truly be at risk. That’d be fine, but he never risks anything even when it would accomplish something, and yet nobody notices that. He knows it, but he never admits it. He’s just a glory hound.
“Like that other succubus you and Lorelei ran into Friday,” Rachel said, and then winked when Alex’s face revealed some surprise that she knew about it. “Told you. Motherfuckin’ KGB. Anyway. I let her know I’d go nuclear on her sloppy ass if she messed with you. Hopefully she got the message. But unless she steps out of certain lines, I can’t go after her. Vincent could, but he won’t. Not until everybody gets spun up about it and he’ll look awesome for taking her on. He won’t act until he’s got an audience.
“Everybody thinks he’s this big, strong, brave demon-fighting hero. He’s all beautiful and chiseled and glorious and thinking about how wet I’d get over him just makes me want to puke.”
Alex fell quiet. She spoke of the relationship in the past tense, but it made him think of Taylor’s ex-boyfriend Gabriel. He had no idea how one could compete with an angel. He wasn’t wounded or worried, but it was the first sign that even this relationship-whatever it might become-wasn’t necessarily all wine and roses, nor a sure thing.
Naturally, she went on. “Y’know, I gave up my original purpose for him. I was…I guess you could say I was a librarian, is the best way to explain it. But that kept me tied down where I couldn’t follow him, so I requested a new role and became a messenger. A lot of that is about floating around speaking into the ears of loonies and winos. Did he ever thank me for it? Did he ever think about what I gave up to be with him? Fuck no.
“Ugh. Such a jerk. He just got with me ‘cause it made him look good to give the reject a chance. And usually he’d just…just lie there like I was privileged to be fucking him.”
Naturally, several students walked past as she spoke. They giggled and moved on. Rachel glanced up at them, then back at Alex, whose mortified facial expression spoke volumes. “Alex, you don’t do that. I’ve watched you screw four different women and you’re the polar opposite of my ex. You’re amazing.” There were further snickers from the passersby. Rachel got the point and lowered her voice. “The only reason you’d get lazy in bed is if your partner wanted to indulge you. It’s not the same.”
“This conversation is beyond surreal. Do you seriously watch everything?”
“Just about,” Rachel said with a sly grin. “I told you before I’d be watching. I won’t loom over you 24/7. You’ll still have time alone for yourself. Everybody needs time alone. I get that. I’m not co-dependent. It’s just that you’re still so new and fascinating, and it’s only been a few days. But…there’s only one thing that I’d like more than watching you fuck.” The straw went back into her mouth with deliberate slowness.
Alex swallowed hard. He was disturbed by the thought that knowing this about her wasn’t disturbing. Still, he was only half reassured. “Do you feel like you’re over it? With Vincent?”
“Oh, fuck yeah. I’ve been over it for four hundred years. I mean, yeah, in some ways that might not sound like a lot for someone who’s basically immortal, but on the other hand, it’s still four hundred fuckin’ years. He’s still not over the blow to his massive ego, but I’m done.”
“It’s just that you brought him up is all. You remember the date you split and everything.”
“Not because I still have feelings for him.” She reached out and took his hand. “I remember the date because I remember watching Martin walk up to the church doors with a hammer and nails and some paper, and I thought, ‘You know, Vincent would never have the balls to take a stand like this.’”
“Mart…Martin Luther?” Alex blinked. She nodded nonchalantly. “You’re talking about Martin Luther. Are you seriously comparing me to that?”
“No! Not at all. I’m just talking about having balls. Look, I’m not comparing you to Martin. That was five centuries ago and a totally different context, and neither he nor I knew what would come of it. But to some extent courage is courage. You have the guts to do what you see is right regardless of the consequences. I love that about you, Alex. Even if you weren’t a hero, I’d still adore you for who you are. You’d still be wonderful and I think I’d still be hung up on you.”
“I’m still stuck on the Martin Luther thing. Are you serious?”
Rachel looked away, blushing a bit. “I might have had something to do with all that, yes. Being a messenger isn’t just about making acid stains of the Virgin Mary on highway overpasses and whispering into the ears of guys holding crazy signs in downtown Seattle.” She looked back at him. “You did hear what I just said about you, though, right?”
He sank back in his chair. “I don’t feel like a hero. I think I’m pretty ordinary. Y’know, the last week aside.” Alex searched for words, which left him staring at his plate. “It’s…you know I was only in that graveyard because I was hoping to impress a couple girls in my photography class, right? And that was just stupid. I knew it was stupid, too. But I’m just a guy who couldn’t even get into the Army. I’m not a hero.”
“You have no idea how wrong you are about that, Alex.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not like I don’t feel good about what I’ve done. I used to worry I’d just turn out to be some loser, but I’m not worried anymore. But even with everything that’s happened, I keep wondering when…like, when’s Lorelei going to realize that I’m kind of boring, y’know? Or you for that matter?”
Rachel considered how much she could share. “Did you know that Lorelei’s a big deal among the demons? She’s not a duke of Hell, but as succubae go, her name’s pretty much the first anyone would think of. She’s an icon. Alex, you’ve stolen her from Hell. The ritual that captured us was one thing, but it didn’t change her. That priest drew on her evil and my benevolence, but I’ve pretty much recovered and I bet she’s gotten a lot better, too. I can’t tell a before and after difference for myself. Lorelei isn’t changing because of the ritual. It’s a deliberate choice.
“You’ve taught her love, Alex. Most guys would’ve just used her as a toy. You opened her up to compassion and remorse. Magical compulsions didn’t send her into that bathroom at the restaurant to talk to that poor old lady. That was you and everything you’ve inspired in her, and you didn’t do that through luck. I guarantee you, whatever happens now, she’s never gonna be the same. She’ll never go back to what she was before.
“Shit like a mortal destroying a demon happens like once a century or two. It’s rare, and it’s an accomplishment, but it’s not unheard of. But getting one to more or less defect? And someone as notorious as her? That’s unprecedented. Look, it’s not like you changed the course of history or anything, but you’ve kicked a boulder that’s been in place for millennia and made it shake. That’s a big deal and oh wow, you are totally beet red right now.”
Alex stared down at her hand in his, fighting the urge to smile. “I don’t hear things like this a lot,” he admitted.
“It’s all true. You’re a big fucking hero.” She grinned more. “What? What’d I say?”
“It’s, um…” He bit down on his lips. Under her gaze, he finally let it out. “It’s ‘big damn hero.’ Actually. Is how you’re supposed to say it.” He kept blushing. “It’s a geek thing.”