“I think you see me as more of an enemy than you do the JAM. What do you think of that?”
“That’s the heart of why you’re so nervous. You probably think if I fly into battle with Yukikaze, I’ll just spread the idea of the JAM—which you essentially think are imaginary—even more strongly across the world. You think madness is contagious. As far as you’re concerned, the SAF is insane. The thing is, everything in war is insane. You just haven’t been part of that shared delusion up till now. To the SAF fighting a war, you’re the one that’s insane because you think this war is meaningless, that the JAM are phantoms, and that there really is no enemy anywhere.”
“But you sense that as well, don’t you?” Foss asked. “I think you’re just trying to give meaning to what are meaningless battles.”
“I’m not denying the possibility that the JAM are imaginary. But even if they’re phantoms, just virtual monsters produced from my head and the results of the SAF’s data processing, it doesn’t matter. As far as we’re concerned, the JAM are a real threat, an enemy that will kill us if we ignore them. That’s reality for the SAF. So I’m going to fight, no matter what you say. It’s so that I can live. Since I’ll end up being killed by the JAM if I go along with what you say, you have no right to complain.”
“I wonder if Major Booker feels the same.”
“Since I’m not a commander, I can’t speak for the SAF as a whole. However, at the very least, I can tell you how I see it. This isn’t a war. It’s a struggle for survival. Anybody who stands at my side and tells me that struggle is meaningless is an obstacle to my survival. Removing obstacles is only natural, isn’t it?”
“You’re looking to ‘remove’ me?” Foss said.
“I think you occupy a very dangerous position. The problem is on your end.”
“Thanks for the warning, Captain Fukai.”
“Am I dangerous?”
Captain Foss gave a vague nod in answer to his question.
“Yes, very. I’m afraid of you, although it’s mainly because of the attitude you’ve shown me here.”
“I understand your unease. Even if you don’t authorize me to fly combat missions, I’ll do it eventually. And you’re afraid that, even if I’m nominally fighting the JAM, they won’t be the only ones I’ll attack. You’re afraid that I’ll end up attacking anybody I judge to be an obstacle, even those on my own side. You thought that about me before and you still do now.”
“I want to think that I’m wrong,” Foss said.
“You’re not. That’s the mission of the SAF. If necessary, we will attack our own side. That’s an act of combat allowed in war, just another type of tactic.”
“But you just said this isn’t a war. That idea is surely the core of what is becoming a major problem here.”
“It’s true that I’ve started thinking of it that way lately,” Rei said. “If I were fighting humans rather than the JAM, I wouldn’t have come back here. ‘Let other people fight their wars and leave me out of it’ was what I thought. But I can’t leave the war against the JAM to other people. I tried to ignore it and act like it wasn’t my problem, but it felt like there was no place I could go to escape the threat. I’m afraid that this conflict here is even more grueling than a war. There’s no striking a deal or turning traitor here,” Rei said. “The one rule in effect is that the strongest side gets to survive. In a war with humans on both sides, you can get away with the strategy of letting a few die so that the many will live. You can even let your allies kill noncombatants. But fighting the JAM requires even harsher strategies.”
“Such as?”
“Such as adopting a strategy where you’d let the entire human race die if it meant that you alone could survive. That’s what I think. It’s extreme, but you won’t lose as long as you don’t die. That’s the sort of battle this is. I think the JAM operate under that strategy too. If I went back to Earth and treated what goes on here like it’s an illusion, I might be able to live my life. But when I finally notice the JAM threat there, it would be too late. I hate the thought of that. I don’t want to lose. That’s why I came back to Faery. You can’t understand what I sense, so you’re trying your damnedest to throw out all these hypotheses, trying not to drown in them.”
“Like you’re a specialist in theories—”
“You can’t live with normal sensitivities in the FAF, and that goes double for the SAF. If you want to survive, you have to become as nuts as everyone else here. It’s not so bad. You just have to accept that the JAM are real.”
“What exactly do you have in mind?” Captain Foss asked, a worried expression now on her face.
“Write a report saying that I’m fit for combat duty and sign it. In return, I’ll help you perceive the JAM.”
“How?”
“The JAM aren’t phantoms. They exist on the same level as Yukikaze. There’s more to her than what you can see. Similarly, you can monitor my psychological state from my reactions in flight. Surely a military doctor like you would be willing to take the risk for that.”
“You’re saying you want me to fly with you?”
“Right,” Rei answered. “I’ll take you up in Yukikaze with me.”
In SAF Unit 1: Yukikaze.
Captain Foss stared straight at Rei, not saying a word. Then she answered, her tone firm.
“If General Cooley authorizes it, I’ll do what you want. But that’s—”
“You’ll get the authorization, Captain Foss. You’ll be the one who’ll convince General Cooley and Major Booker. If you can’t do it, there’ll only be one thing for you to do—apply for a transfer out of the SAF.”
“You’d really go that far… Suppose I still find you unfit to fly, even while we’re in the air?”
“You won’t be making that call. The JAM will just shoot us down.”
“You’re saying we’ll be flying in a combat zone?”
“There’s no absolutely safe place in the FAF, Captain Foss. You can’t escape that, no matter where you go. Get me my flight authorization. Then Major Booker will stop ignoring you. I think it’s a good proposal.”
“I’d like some time to think it over.”
“This isn’t practice. It’s real combat. I need your answer now, Captain Foss. You won’t get a chance like this again.”
“Fine,” she replied, standing up. “I’ll accept your proposal. The truth is, I’ve always wanted a ride in one of our state-of-the-art fighters.”
“Oh, is that what you were really after? You certainly took a roundabout way to get it,” Rei said, his expression deadly serious. “I wish you’d just been upfront about that from the beginning. Then nobody would have ignored you. Though had you just been honest, you absolutely never would have been given a chance to ride in Yukikaze. Well played. How do you feel?”
“Like I went for wool and ended up getting fleeced,” replied Captain Foss, holding out her hand. Rei shook it and said, “Which one of us is getting fleeced here? I don’t think either of us has yet. I think this is going to settle the problems between us, but your battle is just beginning. I’m praying we aren’t your enemy.”
“Are you saying that the SAF sees people who don’t accept the reality of the JAM as their enemies?”
“Not in that sense. I’m saying that there’s no guarantee that you aren’t a JAM.”
“Me? A JAM?”
“That’s the sort of battle we’re fighting here now. More than any other unit in the FAF, we know that in our bones, not our brains,” Rei said.