"Yeah, that's my name. Look, I didn't come here to interrupt your game, but do you and Carl mind if I ask you guys some questions?"
Carl looked pained at the idea of leaving the game, but Farley nodded enthusiastically."Sure, anything to help a private eye. By the way, how much do you guys make?"
"Millions," I said. "Movie stars get the fame, but we get the cash.How about I talk to you first, then Carl after we're done?"
"Fine by me," said Farley. He gestured toward the side of the room where Theresa and Kyle were playing. "Step into my office."
Theresa was sitting on a beanbag, so I sat down on the couch then hoisted Kyle up on my lap. Farley sat down next to us. "Have you ever shot anyone?" he asked.
Kyle looked up at me. "Have you, Daddy?"
"No, I've never shot anyone. That's all TV stuff. Most of a private investigator's work is really boring." I think I'd read that somewhere.
"Yeah, but do you take pictures of people cheating on their wives and husbands and bosses and that kind of thing?"
"I'm trying to get out of that field," I said. "Sometimes the emotions involved are just too intense. So tell me about Michael."
"You mean,does he have any enemies?"
"That would be a good place to start, yeah."
"I don't know if he has any enemies or not. I hardly ever see him outside of work. His wife's a babe, though, don't you think?"
"Kyle, why don't you go over and play with Theresa?" I suggested.
"I want to hear about the babe."
"Kyle, go play with Theresa."
Kyle reluctantly slid off my lap and went over to torment his sister. "Do you see Jennifer much?" I asked.
"You mean,do I see much of Jennifer?" Farley chuckled. The sleazy attitude seemed out of place coming from this little twerp."Nah. She comes around sometimes and complains that Mike should be spending more time at home instead of at work, but that's about it. Most of us just ignore her. Especially Rachel, she can't stand her."
"I got that impression. Now, let me ask you kind of a strange question. If Michael had a safety deposit box, what would you say might be in it?"
"Is that the kind of question they train you to ask in private investigator academy?"
"Just work with me. What might be inside?"
"I have no idea.Maybe nude pictures of his wife."
"Do you know if he had any money stored away?"
"Nope.The only time money came into conversation was when he said we were spending too much on the videos. So do you have to take a test to become a private eye or can anyone do it?"
"A written test, and a psychological screening," I replied."At least inFlorida ." That sounded good.
"Do you get to carry a gun?"
"Yes, but I usually don't."
"Why not?"
"I don't need one. Like I said, it's usually boring. Did Michael and Jennifer ever fight when they were around you guys?"
"You think she did something to him?"
"It's just a question."
Farley hesitated. "Can this be off the record?"
"Absolutely."
"I think she's cheating on him. Mike is paranoid beyond belief, but this is one thing he may have been right about."
"Did he accuse her?"
"No, nothing blatant, at least not that I know about.But you could tell he didn't like having any of us around her. And when they were together, you could tell something was up."
"How could you tell?" I asked.
"I don't know—you're the one who's familiar with psychological testing. All I can say is that if you're going to keep asking around, that may be something to bring up."
"Thanks," I said. "That'll be helpful."
"So do the cops resent you for intruding upon their turf?"
"No."
"Do you think I could tag along with you one day, on a stakeout or something? I won't get in the way."
"Don't you already have a career in special effects?"
"I don't want to changecareers, I just want to see what it's like to be a gumshoe. What kind of car do you drive?"
"A ratty old gray one."
"To be inconspicuous, right?"
"You know it."
"Thatisso cool. Hey, if you need anything else, feel free to ask. I'll go get Carl for you, if I can drag his obsessed butt away from the game."
"Thanks."
As Farley returned to the table I tried to figure out what to do with that new piece of information. Could Jennifer be behind this whole thing? If so, who was her accomplice with the knife? And once again, why?
Carl came over and sat down on the couch. "Do you think Mike's okay?" he asked.
"That's what I'm trying to find out. When was the last time you saw him?" This was a pretty obvious question that I should have asked Farley, but I didn't think of it due to the previously stated fact that I suck as a detective.
"Last week. He was all psyched about going toEurope ."
"Was Jennifer with him?"
Carl nodded. "She picked him up at work."
"Did she come inside?"
"Just to tell him to hurry up."
"Do you think they're a happy couple?"
Carl shrugged. "Sure."
"What makes you think so?"
Carl looked uncomfortable."I don't know, why shouldn't they be? Isn't Jennifer the one who hired you?"
"Yes, she is. I'm just trying to find out everything I can. Do you think she was faithful to him?"
"How should I know? She never asked me to videotape her sleeping around or anything, if that's what you're wondering."
"No, that's not quite what I was wondering, but thanks. Now here's a fill-in-the-blank question: If Michael owned a safety deposit box, it would contain what?"
Carl looked very confused. "Huh?"
I was giving serious consideration to dropping this question from future interrogations. "Just say the first thing that pops into your mind."
"Nothing pops into my mind." He thought for a moment. "Legal documents, backup copies of software programs, I don't know. Why are you asking?"
"Like I said, just getting information."
"I don't think I have any information. All I do is videotape stuff for Ghoulish Delights and occasionally help them with the new scenarios. Can I get back to the game?"
"Sure, have fun. Slay an elf for me."
"Mycharacteris an elf!"
I gathered up my children and we headed back into the main area. That same alien was trying to devour another actress who wore nothing to block Kyle's view of her jiggling capabilities, so I covered his eyes with my hand and led him outside.
We walked a block to an outdoor pay phone and I began to make more calls. My in-laws still weren't home, nor were either of the babysitters who hadn't blacklisted my children. "It's Thursday night, where onearthare these people?" I asked aloud.
"When can we see Mommy?" asked Theresa.
"Not until visiting hours start tomorrow," I said. "But we'll call her as soon as I find a babysitter."
"We don't need a babysitter," Theresa insisted. "I can watch Kyle."
"No, you can't!" said Kyle.
"Forget it, there's no way in the world I'm leaving you two alone," I said. "I'd come back and the house would have sunk like the Titanic. Who's that one lady who watched you that one time?The lady with that stupid dog with thosefoofy things on its tail?"