She watched him until he was gone inside the corridor leading to the restrooms; she was as rigid as a chunk of wood. She sat that way for another five or six seconds, until the wind gusted outside, thudded against the door and the window like something trying to break in. Jerkily she got to her feet and came over to where I was at the sandwich board. Those cold lights still glowed in her eyes.
“Is his sandwich ready?”
I nodded and made myself smile. “Will that be all, ma’am?”
“No. I’ve changed my mind. I want something to eat too.” She leaned forward and stared at the glass pastry container on the back counter. “What kind of pie is that?”
“Cinnamon apple.”
“I’ll have a piece of it.”
“Okay — sure. Just one?”
“Yes. Just one.”
I turned back there, got the pie out, cut a slice, and wrapped it in waxed paper. When I came around with it she was rummaging in her purse, getting her wallet out. Back in the restroom area, I heard the man’s hard, heavy steps; in the next second he appeared. And headed straight for the door.
The woman said, “How much do I owe you?”
I put the pie into the paper sack with the sandwich, and the sack on the counter. “That’ll be three-eighty.”
The man opened the door; the wind came shrieking in, eddying drafts of icy air. He went right on out, not even glancing at the woman or me, and slammed the door shut behind him.
She laid a five-dollar bill on the counter. Caught up the sack, pivoted, and started for the door.
“Ma’am?” I said. “You’ve got change coming.”
She must have heard me, but she didn’t look back and she didn’t slow up. The pair of headlights came on out front, slicing pale wedges from the darkness; through the front window I could see the evergreens at the far edge of the lot, thick swaying shadows bent almost double by the wind. The shrieking rose again for two or three seconds, then fell back to a muted whine; she was gone.
I had never been gladder or more relieved to see customers go. I let out another breath, picked up the flyer, and moved over to the cash register. Outside, above the thrumming and wailing, the car engine revved up to a roar and there was the ratcheting noise of tires spinning on gravel. The headlights shot around and probed out toward the county highway.
Time now to close up and go home, all right; I wanted a glass of brandy and a good hot fire more than ever. I went around to the tables they’d used, to gather up the coffee cups. But as much as I wanted to forget the two of them, I couldn’t seem to get them out of my mind. Especially the woman.
I kept seeing those eyes of hers, cold and hateful like the wind, as if there was a black wind blowing inside her, too, and she’d been listening to it too long. I kept seeing her lean forward across the counter and stare at the pastry container. And I kept seeing her rummage in that big alligator purse when I turned around with the slice of pie. Something funny about the way she’d been doing that. As if she hadn’t just been getting her wallet out to pay me. As if she’d been—
Oh my God, I thought.
I ran back behind the counter. Then I ran out again to the door, threw it open, and stumbled onto the gravel lot. But they were long gone; the night was a solid ebony wall.
I didn’t know what to do. What could I do? Maybe she’d done what I suspicioned, and maybe she hadn’t; I couldn’t be sure because I don’t keep an inventory on the slots of utensils behind the sandwich board. And I didn’t know who they were or where they were going. I didn’t even know what kind of car they were riding in.
I kept on standing there, chills racing up and down my back, listening to that black wind scream and scream around me. Feeling the cold sharp edge of it cut into my bare flesh, cut straight to the bone.
Just like the blade of a knife...
A Craving for Originality
Charlie Hackman was a professional writer. He wrote popular fiction, any kind from sexless Westerns to sexy Gothics to oversexed historical romances, whatever the current trends happened to be. He could be counted on to deliver an acceptable manuscript to order in two weeks. He had published 9,000,000 words in a fifteen-year career, under a variety of different names (Allison St. Cyr being the most prominent), and he couldn’t tell you the plot of any book he’d written more than six months ago. He was what is euphemistically known in the trade as “a dependable wordsmith,” or “a versatile pro,” or “a steady producer of commercial commodities.”
In other words, he was well-named: Hackman was a hack.
The reason he was a hack was not because he was fast and prolific, or because he contrived popular fiction on demand, or because he wrote for money. It was because he was and did all these things with no ambition and no sense of commitment. It was because he wrote without originality of any kind.
Of course, Hackman had not started out to be a hack; no writer does. But he had discovered early on, after his first two novels were rejected with printed slips by thirty-seven publishers each, that (a) he was not very good, and (b) what talent he did possess was in the form of imitations. When he tried to do imaginative, ironic, meaningful work of his own he failed miserably; but when he imitated the ideas and visions of others, the blurred carbon copies he produced were just literate enough to be publishable.
Truth to tell, this didn’t bother him very much. The one thing he had always wanted to be was a professional writer; he had dreamed of nothing else since his discovery of the Hardy Boys and Tarzan books in his pre-teens. So from the time of his first sale he accepted what he was, shrugged, and told himself not to worry about it. What was wrong with being a hack, anyway? The writing business was full of them — and hacks, no less than nonhacks, offered a desirable form of escapist entertainment to the masses; the only difference was, his readership had nondiscriminating tastes. Was his product, after all, any less honorable than what television offered? Was he hurting anybody, corrupting anybody? No. Absolutely not. So what was wrong with being a hack?
For one and a half decades, operating under this cheerful set of rationalizations, Hackman, was a complacent man. He wrote from ten to fifteen novels per year, all for minor and exploitative paperback houses, and earned an average annual sum of $25,000. He married an ungraceful woman named Grace and moved into a suburban house on Long Island. He went bowling once a week, played poker once a week, argued conjugal matters with his wife once a week, and took the train into Manhattan to see his agent and editors once a week. Every June he and Grace spent fourteen pleasant days at Lake George in the Adirondacks. Every Christmas Grace’s mother came from Pennsylvania and spent fourteen miserable days with them.
He drank a little too much sometimes and worried about lung cancer because he smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. He cheated moderately on his income tax. He coveted one of his neighbors’ wives. He read all the current paperback bestsellers, dissected them in his mind, and then reassembled them into similar plots for his own novels. When new acquaintances asked him what he did for a living he said, “I’m a writer,” and seldom failed to feel a small glow of pride.
That was the way it was for fifteen years — right up until the morning of his fortieth birthday.
Hackman woke up on that morning, looked at Grace lying beside him, and realized she had put on at least forty pounds since their marriage. He listened to himself wheeze as he lighted his first cigarette of the day. He got dressed and walked downstairs to his office, where he read the half page of manuscript still in his typewriter (an occult pirate novel, the latest craze). He went outside and stood on the lawn and looked at his house. Then he sat down on the porch steps and looked at himself.