.. the train’s approaching. It’s roaring fiercely, crashing in swelling up. Brrr! Brrroom. Good! Good! Good!. It’.* near… I look at Matthew opposite… I feel the midget against me.. he’s got me by the arm… he doesn’t want to lost me! "BRRRR!”. the locomotive emerges and "Tweet!.. Tweet! ” the whistle. Bop! I hit him with my ass! the midget! up in the air!. The thunder lets loose, passes below! Whistle! Whistle! Whistle!.. They’re all yelling! all around! the whole station!..I pull clean back! I’m magnetized! That’s just the word!. positively!. I’m lifted up!. I’m light as a feather! I get going!.. I’m snapped up by the exit!
the stairway! I’m sucked up!. I’m flying off!. It’s instinct! flight!. the whole corkscrew!. the four flights.. I shoot up! a whirlwind! I don’t feel them!.. a mile a minute!
I’m being sucked up!. I’m so light I’m not touching the stairs!. I’m a bird of fear!. I shoot from the cage into the street!.. running!.. running!. I’m galloping! I cross a street.. two!.. three!. I’m a bird of fright!. I’m off like a shot!. Another street… a square.. another avenue… a park. I turn around. I’m swooping in circles. I graze the ground. just graze it. speed!. a ball of fire!. I knock people over!. another square!.. I go all around it. I slow up. oof!. I stop. My tongue’s hanging out. It’s over!
.. I’m going to faint!.. But no!.. I sit down on the curb!
right under a tree!. They’ve lost me!. I look up at the street sign! It says Berkeley Square… a swell neighborhood. oof!. limousines and landaus are passing one another.. It must be around six o’clock… a rather busy hour.. It’s the way to Regent Street. The parade of elegance. I catch my breath a little. I’m seized by anxiety again. I start thinking. my heart’s twinging again!. It’s attacking me. it’s banging at my ribs.. and then my head starts acting up… I can’t rest any more. I’m buzzing. tingling. overheated. it’s my common sense wobbling and wavering… I can’t see anything. and then I see everything!. I’m not me any more!.. It is me!.. I shook him up, the dirty midget!.. up in the air, Ten-paw!. up in the air!. Ah! say, you there!.. Say! he’s bashed up right this minute! Wham! the tough guy! Matthew there opposite! watching! staring! I still see the cop!
umbrella and all!. Ah! popeyed!. He hadn’t come alone!. Ah! sure and certain!. Ah! Ten-paw, the rotten little jerk! finagling little rat! Sh! Sh! Not another word! Shit! Now Cascade!.. All mine! Claben too! Ah! it’s not possible! Everything’s getting mixed up!.. It’s all fire!.. it’s flaming!.. it's all growling inside my head!. like over there! I'm in a fever!. my ass on the curb! ah! frozen like that I’m going to cool off!.. Like over there! Ah! Providence! Ah! I’m saved! Ah! it’s getting better! sitting oft the stone! Hurray for the Saint Johns! Hurray for the firemen! but it won’t last long!.. I got off to a bad start!.. I think of my folks!.. my mother in France in her shop mending lace..I get a headache thinking of mamma.. ruining her eyes that way under the big gas lamp. and the customers never satisfied.. I’d let the customers have it!.. I’d teach them how to behave!
.. and my father at the Coccinelle transcribing addresses!.. that he’ll never finish!.. and my pals in the trenches, the dumb dopes, getting it smack in the puss.. it’s an avalanche, thunder, and me there like a murderer! shit!.. I could see the whole damned setup… it haunted me, set my head spinning. I didn’t dare move. "Ferdinand! Ferdinand!’’ I said to myself. "You’re the victim of a plot!. and no denying it, they’re out to hurt you!.. Your head hurts!. That proves it! Are you a decent guy? That’s the question that staggers me. Did Claben do you any harm?. So you robbed him just to drink? No one has any proof!. Tempaw either!.. He’s in the Tube now!.. He’s even smaller!.. that’ll teach him to double-cross!.. It was horrible of him.. Ferdinand, you’re going to pay for everything!.. Matthew’s got a perfect right!. He’s on duty!. No doubt about it! He’s looking for you. he has a right to!..He’s got the police behind him!
He’s on the lookout!. that’s his job! criminal matters! punishment tra-la-la! Oh you riffraff! it all works out!.. my youth knocking me around again! plaguing me! sickening me! it’s all there in a heap! shaking me! the people from the Passage du Verododat! the nosy bodies! the neighbors! and lots more! They’re accusing me! they’re involving me! The nerve! and lots more! The self-examination!. You’ll see what people are like.. they won’t want to look at my mother any more!
how she’s going to cry and weep!.. "A deserter, Madame! an uninteresting young man!. in fact, a monster! A bandit!..And his poor father!..He should have boarded him somewhere!.. Not in La Roquette!.. in prison with the hoodlums! This wouldn’t have happened to you, Madame!.. He deserted in London!. He was wounded!. He was crazy!.. A drunkard!.. A sex-maniac!. He was a liar!. he masturbated in every corner!. he was often caught. He had vile instincts! He was failed three times when he came up for his elementary-school diploma!.. What rings under his eyes!.. everyone remembers it!.. The way he spoke to his mother!. They were weak with him!.. He stole four rolls!
How they deprived themselves for him!. It was worth while!.. He robbed his employer!.. And then he enlisted!
Then he had a little courage!. He left in September.. mentioned three times in the military dispatches!.. and then the military medal!. Brave at the beginning. it didn’t last. afterwards he lost everything!.. Courage and everything else! all his good resolutions!.. He didn’t want to die any more!. He was just a little delinquent!. I always said so!
and the military medal!. just hotheaded!. a basically criminal nature!.. They arrested him in London!.. They locked him up!.. They put him through torture!. He deserved it! He lost his head!.. He started admitting.. They plucked his eyes out!. men who knew him well! people who were sick and tired of his criminal instincts!”. I could hear the voices going in and out of the gates!.. they reached my ears!.. right on Berkeley Square! All I could hear was those voices… I didn’t even hear the cars.. They were real voices.. and even some English voices among them.. with the accent. everything. "Watch your step! Watch your step! Bloody murder!. Bloody murder!”. muted. among the other voices!.. with a bit of music among the street echoes. Murder! Murder! Oh! I’ve got to act fast!. Things look very bad, Ferdinand!. They’re going to catch you!. They’re going to jump on your neck like Delphine in the tunnel.
Ah! they won’t get me!.. Bloody mess!. I know all about the traps! the tricks! the murderous war! the pitfalls! The hell with the dopes! So I get up very gingerly. nice and quickly. and oop!. I make a dash!. The opposite sidewalk.. I bolt!.. I run!.. I hug the walls!.. I hit Bond Street!.. Marylebone!.. I know where I’m going!.. My heart’s racing like mad!..A drum!. A tattoo!. but in the right place!.."With heart and soul!”…I still hear the colonel…
"Cavalry! sabers in hand!” Sir Colonel Guts!. "With heart and soul!. Gallop!. Chaaarge!” I obey his command!.. I dash forward!. Ah! how I dash!. I bolt!. I fly to the charge!. Heart and soul!. All for my country!. I know the itinerary!. I don’t get lost in the heart of London!. I race ahead! spurt!. Hip! Hip! Hurrah! cavalcade!. whirlwind! Heart and soul!. Valor!. Victory’s my law!. Victoria!. Tottenham Court Road!. I change pace!. neck down! on the bit!. I clap spurs!. I charge the omnibus!