“No, not impossible,” my sister said with a small smile.
“I want to help,” said Xavier.
“And you can, but right now we need to consider our next move very carefully.”
“Rushing in without thinking could make things worse for Bethany,” Gabriel warned.
“How could it get any worse?” Xavier demanded.
The more I listened to their deliberations the more frustrated I became. I wanted to be part of their discussions and I wanted to help them. It was strange being talked about in the third person when I was right there in the room. If only I could share with them what I knew, it might help them devise a more effective plan. Being both present and utterly useless grew so maddening that I thought I’d explode. There must be some way to make my presence known to them. How could they not sense my proximity? Those I loved most were a hand’s breadth away and yet totally inaccessible.
“We can’t act independently of instruction,” Ivy tried to placate.
“And how long is that gonna take?’
“The Covenant is aware of the crisis. They will contact us when they see fit.” Gabriel refused to disclose more.
“What do we do till then?”
“I suggest we pray.”
Suddenly I was worried. It was obvious they couldn’t act without first seeking counsel. It was not only standard practice but also the wisest thing to do. I could see that. But what would the Covenant advise? Gabriel had sounded so confident moments ago, but even he did not have the power to contravene their decisions. What if in their infinite wisdom they decided to cut their losses? After all, I hadn’t been much of an asset when I was aboveground. I was forever stirring up trouble and creating conflicts for them to solve rather than following instructions. Obedience was not my strong point and while rebellion was expected in a human, in an angel it was inexcusable. Would this trait that had set me apart from my own kind now spell the end of my value in Heaven?
Even if the Covenant was feeling charitable and deemed me worthy of rescue, breaking into Hell would be the greatest challenge my siblings had ever had to face. It was quite likely they themselves might perish in the attempt. Was that risk worth taking? I didn’t want to jeopardize their safety, but at the same time my longing to be reunited with them was enormous. As for Xavier, I couldn’t bear the thought of any harm coming to him on my account. I’d rather endure the torments of the pit before I’d allow that to happen. I looked at his smooth, tanned arms resting on the tabletop, the familiar cord of soft plaited leather twined around his wrist, and the silver ring I’d given him shining on his index finger. I strained toward him, my fingers seeking his.
“Xavier!” I cried. “Xavier, I’m here!”
To my surprise I heard a faint echo of my own words in the room. Gabriel, Ivy, and Xavier all snapped their heads in my direction like satellites seeking radio signals. An expression of disbelief crossed Xavier’s face, as if his sanity had just been cast into doubt.
“Am I losing it or did you guys hear that too?”
My brother and sister looked at each other, uncertainty on their faces.
“We heard it,” said Gabriel, his mind already whirring as he contemplated possible explanations for what’d just happened. I hoped he didn’t assume it was a demon playing tricks on them.
Ivy closed her eyes and I felt her energy in the room, searching for me. But when she reached the place where I hovered, she passed right through me and I realized that any connection I’d made had lasted only seconds and then shattered.
“There’s nothing here,” my sister said, but I could see she was unsettled.
Xavier was unconvinced. “No, I heard her voice … she was here.”
“Perhaps Bethany is closer than we realize,” said Gabriel.
Xavier’s eyes darted around the room, searching the air. I focused hard and tried desperately to transmit my thoughts to him. Instead the opposite happened and my presence in the room became diluted. I felt my consciousnesses pulling away from the familiar kitchen at Byron. I fought hard against leaving and even tried wrapping myself around the back of a chair, but the room only dissolved around me.
Everything went black, and when the blackness cleared, I saw my body lying by the Lake of Dreams, just as I’d left it. Tucker was there, shaking me by the shoulders.
“Come back, Beth. It’s time to come back.” I returned to my body with a jolt. All of Byron’s warmth was gone, replaced with the cold and damp of the canal.
“Why did you do that?” I protested loudly. “I wanted more time.”
“We can’t be missing any longer. It’s too risky. But don’t worry, the magic will stay with you now.”
“Are you saying I can project anytime I want to?”
“Yep,” Tucker said proudly. “Once a person drinks from the Lake of Dreams, it flows inside you. It shares its power. You can only reverse it by drinking from the river Lethe.”
“That really exists?” I asked curiously.
“Sure does,” Tucker said. “It literally means ‘oblivion.’ Some people call it the River of Forgetfulness. It makes you forget who you are.”
“That sounds awful. Is it cursed?”
“Not necessarily,” Tucker said. “Some people have done things in their lives they don’t want to remember. When you drink from the river Lethe, all your bad memories sink to the bottom.”
I peered at him closely. “You sound pretty sure of yourself. Do you know someone who’s done it?”
“Yeah.” Tucker looked at his shoes. “That’d be me.”
“What were you trying to escape?” I asked without thinking and Tucker laughed.
“Not much point asking me that now, is there?”
“I guess not,” I said, taking his arm. “I’m glad the river made things easier for you.”
Tucker squeezed my hand, but he didn’t look convinced.
We made our way back to the hotel at twice the speed at which we’d set out, fearful of being discovered. All I could think about was Xavier’s hands, not tense as I’d just seen them but stroking my face the way he used to when we felt that all the darkness in the world could not dampen our happiness.
How naïve we were to think as we did then. I knew now how lethal darkness could be. It would take every ounce of courage we possessed to fight it. Even then I didn’t like our chances.
12
Hanna’s Story
AFTER my first try at what Tucker called projection, it was hard to think about anything else. Now that I’d had a taste of home, Hotel Ambrosia seemed emptier than ever. As the days passed I found myself going through the motions without complaint, eagerly awaiting the next opportunity to return to Venus Cove and keep up with what was happening there. So when Hanna was brushing my hair or fussing over me my mind was conspiring to achieve my only goaclass="underline" seeing Xavier again. When Tucker was keeping vigil I was counting down the minutes until he finally went to bed and I was free to roam again the place where I belonged, even if it was only as an unseen entity.
Tucker was better at reading my thoughts than I realized.
“It’s addictive, ain’t it?” he said. “At first you can’t get enough.” I couldn’t deny it. Being transported back to Byron had given me a rush greater than any I’d experienced.
“It felt so real. I was so close I could smell them.”
Tucker watched me closely. “You should see your face. It lights up when you talk about them.”
“That’s because they’re everything to me.”
“I know, but there’s somethin’ you need to keep in mind. Every time you go back they’ve moved on a little with their lives. In time their pain dulls and you become a fond memory. In the end you feel like nothin’ but a ghost visiting strangers.”