“It would never be like that for me.” I glared at Tucker. The thought of Xavier moving on was unbearable and I refused to so much as entertain the idea. “Besides, aren’t you forgetting something? I’m not a ghost. I happen to be alive. See?” I gave my arm a decent pinch and watched a blotch of red appear on the white skin. “Ouch!”
Tucker smiled a little at my demonstration. “You want to go again right now, don’t you?”
“Of course. Wouldn’t you?”
“Have you always been this impatient?”
“No,” I replied tartly. “Only as long as I’ve been human.” Tucker frowned and I wondered whether he doubted my ability to use this new gift responsibly. I decided to try and ease his mind.
“Thanks again for showing me, Tuck. I needed something to help me survive in this place and seeing my family again meant so much.”
Tucker, who was unaccustomed to praise, looked abashed and shuffled his feet on the carpet.
“You’re welcome,” he mumbled. Then his face clouded.
“Please be careful. I don’t know what Jake would do if he ever found out.”
“I’ll be careful,” I agreed. “But I’m going to find a way to get us out.”
“Us?” he repeated.
“Of course. We’re a team now.”
TUCKER had figured right. I did plan to go back that very night. The taste of home I’d been given had only whet my appetite, not satisfied it. I wasn’t lying when I told him I was going to try and get us out, but it wasn’t uppermost on my mind at that moment. My impulse was far more self-indulgent than that. I just wanted to see Xavier again and pretend that nothing had changed. Whatever he was doing, I wanted to be there beside him. I wanted to absorb as much of his presence as I could and take it back with me. It would act like a talisman to get me through the interminably long days and nights ahead.
So when Hanna appeared in the doorway carrying my supper on a tray, my first impulse was to send her away. I was anxious to climb into my oversize bed and start the process that would send me home again. Hanna looked at me the way she always did, like she wished there was more she could do to help. Even though she was younger she’d adopted a maternal attitude toward me, as if I were a fledgling that had to be protected and nursed to strength. It was only to satisfy Hanna that I ate hasty mouthfuls of what she’d prepared — crusty bread, some kind of chunky stew, and a fruit tart. Afterward she didn’t leave right away but lingered and I sensed she had something on her mind.
“Miss,” she said eventually. “What was your life like before you came here?”
“I was in my senior year of high school and living in a small town where everybody knew one another.”
“But that wasn’t where you came from.”
It surprised me that Hanna should make reference to my former home. I was so used to protecting our secret on earth, I kept forgetting that here my true identity was common knowledge.
“I may not have come from Venus Cove,” I admitted. “But it became my home. I went to a school called Bryce Hamilton and I had a best friend called Molly.”
“My parents were workers in a factory,” Hanna said suddenly. “We were too poor for me to go to school.”
“Did you have books at home?”
“I never learned to read.”
“It’s not too late,” I said encouragingly. “I’ll teach you, if you like.”
Instead of reassuring her, as I’d hoped, my words seemed to have the opposite effect on Hanna. She dropped her gaze and her smile vanished.
“There’s not much point now, miss,” she said.
“Hanna,” I began, choosing my words carefully. “Can I ask you a question?”
She shot me a frightened look and then nodded.
“How long have you been here?”
“Over seventy years,” she replied in a resigned tone.
“And how is it that someone as gentle and kind as you ended up here?” I asked.
“It’s a long story.”
“I’d like to hear it,” I said and Hanna shrugged.
“There’s not much to tell. I was young. I wanted to save someone more than I wanted my own soul. I made a pact, sold myself into this life, and when I realized my mistake, it was too late.”
“Would you choose differently if you could have your time over?”
“I suppose I would try to achieve the same outcome but in a different way.” Hanna’s eyes seemed to mist over, and she stared wistfully ahead, lost in her own memories.
“That means you’re sorry. You were too young to know what you were doing. When my family comes for me, we’ll take you with us. I won’t leave you behind.”
“Don’t waste your time worrying about me, miss. I made the decision to come freely and there’s no backing out of a deal like that.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said breezily. “All deals are open to renegotiation.”
Hanna smiled, her wariness slipping for a moment. “I would like forgiveness,” she said in a small voice, “but there’s no one here to offer it.”
“Maybe if you tell me about it you’ll feel better.” Anxious as I was to return to Xavier’s side, I couldn’t ignore Hanna’s cry for help. She had cared for me and nursed me through some dark hours and I was indebted to her. Besides, I’d only been in Hades a few weeks. Whatever burden Hanna was carrying, she’d carried for decades. The least I could do was set her mind at ease if it was within my power. I shifted my position to make room for her and patted the bedspread beside me. To an ignorant onlooker we might have looked like two girls sharing teenage confidences.
Hanna hesitated and glanced at the door before sitting down beside me. I knew she felt uncomfortable because she kept her eyes lowered and her fingers, red from washing, nervously twisted the buttons on her uniform. She was weighing up in her mind whether she could trust me. Who could blame her? She was alone in Jake’s underworld. There was no one for her to turn to for a kind word or advice. She had come to feel grateful for every meal and every night she slept through unharmed. I had the feeling that if anyone were to try to hurt Hanna, she would endure it like a martyr because she didn’t believe she deserved any better.
Hanna leaned back and sighed. “I hardly know where to begin. I haven’t spoken about my old life in such a long time.”
“Start wherever you like,” I prompted.
“I’ll begin then with Buchenwald,” she said softly. She spoke with detachment; her youthful face devoid of feeling, as if she were a storyteller narrating a fable rather than giving a firsthand account.
“The concentration camp?” I asked incredulously. “You were there? I had no idea!” I instantly regretted my interruption as I could see my reaction had halted Hanna’s train of thought. “Please, go on.”
“In life my name was Hanna Schwartz. In 1933, I had my sixteenth birthday. The Depression hit workers the hardest. We had little money and I had no skills so I joined the Hitler Youth, and when Buchenwald was opened, I was sent to work there.” She paused and drew a deep breath. “I knew that everything happening there was wrong. Not just wrong, I knew I was surrounded by evil, but I felt powerless to do anything about it and I did not want to let my family down. All around me people were asking: Where is God in this? How could he let this happen? I tried not to think about it, but deep down I was angry with God — I blamed him. I was planning to apply for a transfer and leave the camp to go home to my parents, when a girl arrived who I recognized. I knew her from home. We had played together as children. She lived in my street and went to the local school. Her father was a doctor. He treated my brother once when he had measles and didn’t even ask for payment. Esther was her name. She shared her books from school with me because she knew how badly I wanted to learn. I was too young to understand the difference between us. I knew her life was like mine only she was wealthier, she went to school, and she was a Jew. I knew the SS had evicted and relocated her family, but I didn’t see her again until she turned up that day at Buchenwald. She was with her mother and I tried to stay out of sight. I didn’t want them to see me there. Esther wasn’t well when they brought her in and she seemed only to get worse. There was something wrong with her lungs and she couldn’t breathe properly. She was too weak to work and I knew what her fate would be. It was only a matter of time. Somehow, I knew I couldn’t let it happen.