“Exactly.” Ivy put a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you stop worrying for a while? Let us figure it out. Maybe this trip to Tennessee will shed some light. What happened to Bethany, an angel of the Lord being taken into Hell, is totally unprecedented. There is no rulebook to consult. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“I think it might be a sign.” Gabriel had drifted back to the present.
“What kind of sign?” Xavier asked.
“That Lucifer’s powers are growing. This could be an indication of his rising strength, even if it manifested through Jake. We have to think carefully. Rushing in could make things worse. That’s why Michael is sending us to this source.”
“Look, sitting around drinking herbal tea isn’t going to help Beth. You two can think about the big picture all you want, but for me this is about her and I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring her home. If you’re not with me, then I’ll handle it alone.”
Xavier rose to leave and I panicked momentarily thinking he might do something reckless. But Gabriel moved like a flash of lightning to block his path.
“You won’t handle anything.” Gabriel’s tone was chilling. “Is that clear? Control your raging testosterone for a minute and listen. I know you want Beth back — we all do — but acting like some comic-book hero isn’t going to help.”
“And sitting on your butt acting like there’s nothing we can do isn’t going to help either. Beth once told me your name means ‘Warrior of God.’ Some warrior you turned out to be.”
“Watch what you say,” Gabriel warned, his eyes flashing.
“Or what?” Xavier was seething now. At any minute he might lash out and do something he’d regret. I wished I could just reach out to tell him that Gabe was right. Much as I loved him for his loyalty and determination, I knew this wasn’t something that could be solved through valor alone. Deep down, I knew Gabriel was hatching a plan, at least I hoped he was. Xavier just needed to give him time to think. Gabriel was still blocking Xavier’s path, their eyes locked in mounting tension. To his credit, it was Xavier who backed down first.
“I need to get out of here and clear my head,” he said, pushing past Gabriel.
“Okay,” Ivy called out after his retreating back. “We’ll wait for you.”
I trailed behind him as Xavier tripped lightly down the sandy steps leading to the beach. I tried to send out rays of calming energy and hoped he could at least sense them. Xavier seemed to relax a little once he hit the beach. He took deep breaths and exhaled in relief. He walked right down to the dark sand of the shoreline where he stood with his hands deep in his pockets looking out to sea. I watched him shift uneasily from foot to foot, struggling to overcome his restlessness. If only he could stop focusing on his own sense of failure for one minute I might have a chance of making him aware of my presence. He needed to stop mourning my disappearance and just free his thoughts.
As if he could read my mind, Xavier calmly peeled off his sweater and tossed it aside. He pulled off his shoes and left them lying in the sand so he was standing in just his shorts and white T-shirt. He looked down the deserted beach and took a deep breath before breaking into a run. In my spectral form I ran beside him, exhilarated by his accelerated breathing and pumping heart. It was the closest I’d felt to him since our separation. Xavier’s movements were graceful, those of a trained athlete. Sports had always been his release and I could feel his tension ebbing. Suddenly his brain had something to focus on other than losing me. The exercise was helping. The expression on his face was less drawn and his body moved with its own rhythm now. I was aware of the muscle definition in his calves and broad shoulders. I could almost feel his agile movements and his weight hitting the sand. I lost track of how long he ran, but when Byron was just a speck in the distance, Xavier finally came to a halt. He bent over, bracing his hands on his thighs. The sun was already setting and tingeing the ocean red. Xavier’s chest heaved as he waited for his breathing to slow. I could tell he wasn’t thinking about anything right now — for what was probably the first time in weeks his mind was completely clear. I realized there was no time to lose. I had to seize this opportunity. The Crags were behind us, not far from the spot where I’d first revealed my identity to him by releasing my wings and throwing myself from the cliff. I had to wonder now whether I’d done the right thing. From that moment I had complicated his life irrevocably. I had tied his existence to mine and burdened him with problems he should never have had to deal with.
I studied Xavier’s face, only inches away from where my own would have been. I could already see his expression clouding as his body resumed normal temperature. The physical exertion had offered him a temporary reprieve; soon he would be agonizing again about what he could have done differently. I was running out of time. I backed up so that I was drifting several meters away from him. I shut my eyes tight and focused on channeling my energy into the spot where my heart would be had my physical form been present. I imagined concentrating this energy into one swirling, powerful ball. The ball held all of my love, all of my thoughts, all of my being. And then I ran. I ran straight toward Xavier, who was staring out at the ocean, his feet half buried in the sand. When I reached him I hit him like a trajectory, the ball of energy breaking over him like a cosmic tidal wave. It was as if his body became liquid and I was able to pass right through him. For a split second, I could feel his very being inside of me, my essence and his fused together. For that one brief moment we shared one heart, one body. Then the moment was gone. Xavier looked stunned as he tried to make sense of what had just happened and instinctively brought his hand up to his heart. I could almost track his thought processes on his face. I hoped I’d gotten it right and hadn’t alarmed him into thinking he’d had a heart attack. It took a few minutes for him to process what had happened, but then his expression shifted from confusion to one of pure bliss. When I saw him looking around for me, I knew I’d got it right. I was proud of myself to have broken through on the first attempt! I’d only taken baby steps, but I’d done it — I’d made contact.
Xavier looked straight ahead where I hovered, physically invisible, but spiritually more present than ever. His clear, turquoise eyes seemed to meet mine and the beginning of a smile played around the corners of his mouth.
“Beth,” he murmured. “What took you so long?”
17
Accomplice
THINGS changed for me after my encounter with Xavier on the beach. What had happened between us was better than kissing him, better than having him sleep in my bed. I had wrapped myself around his beating heart, flowed in his bloodstream, felt the electrical impulses charging to his brain. I knew now what true connection was. And I knew I had to fight for it.
Up until now I had been happy to sit around waiting patiently for my rescue party to arrive. I didn’t feel there was much else I could do. Now, like Xavier, I couldn’t just wait. I needed to take matters into my own hands. My determination to be reunited with him burned like a flame. I was through with playing the victim. I was through with feeling helpless. Jake scared me; there was no doubt about that, but there was one thing that scared me more and that was being separated from Xavier forever.
A small part of me felt like I’d let Xavier down. Here I was idling in my penthouse suite for the better part of each day, communicating only with Hanna and Tuck and feigning illness to minimize contact with Jake while Xavier did all the work. He was frantically thinking, planning, and putting all else aside while I waited like a damsel in distress. I was better than that. I was capable of pulling my weight and that was just what I’d do. But I couldn’t do it alone.