A: Uh-uh. I probably lied.
Q: You probably lied to me?
A: Could I have lied about what I said?
Q: I doubt it.
A: We went to the grocery and drank the wine, but I can’t remember anything except we went home.
Q: Are you pretty much awake now?
A: I think so.
Q: Can you say “Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran”?
A: Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
Q: I guess you are awake. You shouldn’t be able to say that. I think we’ll stop for the day.
Eddie Toller checked the address, then began climbing a flight of rickety wooden stairs that ran along the outside of a weatherbeaten wood-frame two-family dwelling. When he reached the porch on the second floor, he knocked on the screen door. The conversation inside stopped at the sound of his rapping. He heard footsteps and the door opened a crack, releasing the pungent odor of marijuana into the night air.
“Is Gary in?” Eddie asked the young girl who stared through the crack. The girl looked him over. His age had aroused her suspicions.
“I’m Eddie Toller. He’s expecting me.”
The girl said, “Oh, yeah,” and admitted him. The hallway was lit by candles, but Eddie could see that it was the girl’s clothes that were young and he revised his age estimate up ten years. She introduced herself as Laura Kinnick, Gary’s girlfriend, and led him through a veil of beads into a living room decorated in Early American Guru. Gary, who was seated on a large pillow covered with an Indian fabric, rose from his lotus position and introduced Eddie to the other couples in the room. Both of the men had long hair and Eddie disliked them immediately. They looked dirty and he bet they would smell, if he could smell them over the scent of the dope.
“How you doin’, man?” Gary asked later, when they were off together in the kitchen. Eddie had passed on the joint, raising eyebrows among Gary’s friends, and had asked for a beer. He had followed Gary into the kitchen while he broke open a six-pack.
“Not so good, Gary. That’s why I wanted to see you tonight.”
“What happened?”
“Ah, it’s those sons of bitches at Parole. They busted Carl, the guy who owns the Satin Slipper. He was selling dope outta the place. I was arrested too, but I had nothing to do with it, so they dropped the charges, only someone told my P.O. and he said I had to quit. He said he didn’t want me working at a place like that. I told him I was legit and that I wouldn’t be able to get another job this good with my record, but he wouldn’t listen. So now I ain’t got a job.”
“Those fuckers,” Gary said sympathetically, shaking his head.
“Yeah, well, what’s done is done. Only I gotta figure a way to make some bread. Joyce is still working, but I ain’t gonna live off her.”
“I’d lend you some dough, if I could, Eddie, but I’m short myself.”
“Hey, I ain’t lookin’ for no handout, Gary. I want to know more about the job you got planned.”
“You want in?”
“If it’s good. I want to hear about it first. I’m too old to go back to the joint. With my record, my next fall is gonna be long, hard time. So don’t jack me around.”
“I won’t, Eddie. This is a sure thing and there’s plenty of dough in it. I got it all worked out and I’m rushin’ into nothin’.”
“Okay. Lay it out for me.”
“Laura works in the Cameron Street Medical Building. I drive her to work in the morning and I pick her up, so I been inside it a lot. I’ve been checkin’ the offices and stores in the building. Laura has a master key that fits the outside door of her office and the pharmacy on the ground floor. That’s what we’re gonna hit.”
“What’s there?”
“Drugs, Eddie.”
“I know that, but I don’t use drugs no more and I don’t have the connections to push.”
“I got the connection and we don’t have to push, either. This guy will pay top dollar on delivery.”
“Who is this guy?”
“Someone I met in the joint. He’s big, Eddie. He knows all the right people.”
“How do you know this guy ain’t feeding you a line?”
“Because I dealt with him before.”
Eddie jerked his head toward the living room.
“What about her?”
“Laura? She don’t know nothin’. I took her keys one weekend and had duplicates made. She don’t even suspect I got them.”
“I don’t know.”
“Hey, what’s to know? It’s a cinch. We got the keys to the castle. They’ll never know what happened.”
“I want to think it over and I want to see the layout myself.”
“Sure, Eddie. I ain’t rushin’ you. What say we go over the place on Tuesday?”
“Okay. Tuesday. But I have to be sure. You see my position, at my age. I can’t afford to foul up again.”
“I’m very proud of you,” Roy whispered in Esther’s ear. She purred and kissed him. She was so content. She only wished that she could help him by remembering everything he wanted her to remember.
It was four-thirty. They would have to get dressed soon and go see Dr. Hollander. She wished she could tell the doctor the secret she shared with Roy, but Roy said that she mustn’t tell anyone.
She wished Roy would stay with her more, too. He told her that it was only safe before and after the sessions. He said how it would be misconstrued if anyone found out about them later, when there was a trial. She knew he was right, but the few hours they had together weren’t enough when you spent every waking minute thinking about someone.
Roy walked into the bathroom to shower. The sitter would arrive soon and she had to tidy up. She felt very good today. Very positive. She was sure that she would remember today. She had to. For Roy. He had told her that the barriers were almost down. She could sense that too. She had been experiencing strange dreams recently.
But what if she was only imagining? She felt suddenly depressed. She had liked Bobby a lot once. She didn’t want to hurt him. If it wasn’t true, but she said it was…She didn’t want to think about it. It was true. Roy had said it was. She shut the bad thoughts out of her mind.
TAPE # 10
ESTHER PEGALOSI: I remember a car race.
ROY SHINDLER: Okay. Was there anything special about the car you had the race with?
A: They made us spin around.
DR. HOLLANDER: Very good! You see, your memory is coming back bit by bit. Can you describe the other car?
A: No. Just that it was bright.
Q: Bright?
A: There was fire on it.
Q: It was on fire?
A: I…I know what the car is supposed to look like, but I don’t want to be biased.
Q: I don’t want you to be biased. I want you to tell me what you remember. Do you remember telling us that today you would tell us the truth?
A: Uh-huh.
Q: Good. Now why do you say there was fire on the car? Was there a decal there? Do you mean the flames were painted on?
A: I know what’s supposed to be there and I know how it looks and it’s awfully hard not to put it there in my head.
Q: I don’t want you to do that.
A: I really can’t remember. It seemed like fire. I don’t like going that fast. I probably didn’t look, ’cause I would be scared.
Q: Okay, after the drag race, then what?
A: They got mad.
Q: Who got mad?
A: Billy. He wanted to catch them. He knew the girl.
Q: Billy knew the girl?
A: Oh…
Q: Would you speak up? I can’t hear you.
A: It did happen on the same night.
Q: What happened?
A: I don’t feel so good.
Q: You were doing fine. Who was the girl, Esther?
(Sobbing)
Q: Relax now. Take my handkerchief. You’re doing fine. Are you okay? Have some water. Okay. Take a deep breath. Now, tell me. Tell Roy. Who was the girl?
A: Can I whisper?
Q: No, Esther. Today is truth day. Today you must be the strong, confident woman that Roy and I know you’ve become. Do you want to tell us?