My eyes caught the topic Coming Out. I clicked on the link, skimming the post.
I told my NT friend about me yesterday. Now she’s asking a million questions. She keeps adding “do you understand?” at the end of her sentences. I told her I was the same person she met three months ago. She said she knows, but wants to make sure I get everything she says. And if I don’t, to tell her. I hate it. I hate that she treats me like a completely different person.
I let my breath out slowly. Not what I wanted to read.
Naomi decided to blow off our band practice for Scott on Friday, leaving Justin and me alone in the parking lot. This sucked, since Justin had offered to help us move her drum set to my basement.
“Maybe I should give you those driving lessons instead,” he said.
“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”
He opened the door for me. I was beginning to savor the earthy smell of his seats. “Why? Can’t drive a stick?”
“Um—I have issues with the gas and the brake.”
He smirked and pushed the door shut. This was the fourth time he’d given me a ride home. But Naomi was with us the last two times. She usually did most of the talking.
Justin slid into his seat, still grinning. “Does your mom drive an automatic?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Would she let us borrow her car?”
“Possibly, if we stay in a very empty parking lot. She said that’s the only way she’d get in a car with me.”
He scrunched up his face and started the engine. “Ouch.”
I was beginning to enjoy driving down Holly Street and watching all the people milling around on the sidewalks. Shopping bags, dreadlocks, grins, steaming coffee cups, and “give me money” signs—all of it streamed by like a peep show into another world. “We could work on a song. Naomi can do the vox later,” I said.
“I’ll drop you at home so you can prepare yourself for a grueling driving lesson.” He looked over at me as we stopped at a red light. “Then I’ll run back to my place and get my keyboard. We’ll jam later.”
“We can go to your place now.” I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need time to prepare.”
“Nah, I live in the opposite direction. Take a shower or something—I’ll be back in no time.”
I tilted my head to sniff my armpits. Did I remember to put deodorant on this morning? “I want to see your Bösendorfer.”
“You will one of these days.” He shifted down and bit his lip. “My house is kind of a mess right now.” We made a right onto my street a little faster than necessary.
I pushed the door open after he pulled up to the curb. “See you in a bit, then?”
He winked. “Give me ten minutes.”
I was going to head straight for the shower. Maybe he was hinting at something. People did that.
But Mom greeted me at the front door. “Your friend has a nice car.”
“I guess.” I pushed past her.
“Where are you going?”
“Bathroom,” I said, picking up speed. “He’ll be back—we’re going to work on our film project.”
“I see.”
I looked over my shoulder and cringed at the grin on her face. It was like she knew exactly how I felt around him. She’d always told me that it would happen. One of these days, some lucky boy is going to give you butterflies in your stomach. Just wait. I’d told her to keep dreaming.
Warm rays of water trickled down my neck a few minutes later. Part of me couldn’t help but think what if—what if Naomi was right and Justin wanted me? I’d think he would’ve told me or asked me out at least. Maybe Naomi was wrong. She was definitely wrong about Scott.
By the time I got out of the shower, Justin was sitting at the kitchen table with Mom. Just great.
“What are you guys talking about?”
Mom gave me that knowing smile again. “I was going over the rules with your driver’s ed instructor here.”
I glanced from her to Justin. He smiled at me like nothing was different, but I never did pick up on subtle body language. For all I knew, she had told him all about my refusal to take baths when I was younger. “You’re letting us borrow your car?” I asked Mom.
She nodded.
Justin downed the glass of water in front of him and drummed his hands against the table.
“Can we go now?” I didn’t want to give Mom the chance to say anything more to him.
“Sure,” Mom said. “And you’re welcome.”
I looked away. “Thank you.…”
“Be careful. Pay attention to what he says.” She stood up and tried to give me a hug.
I pulled away from her. “Mom, please.”
I studied Justin’s face after we got into the car. He handled her keys like they might break and carefully turned the ignition.
“What did my mom say to you?”
He gave me a sidelong glance. That dimple appeared on his left cheek. “She showed me some of your baby pictures. There was one with cake all over your face and one with bubbles on your head in the tub. Too cute.”
“What?” If I had a picture with bubbles on my head, it needed to be destroyed immediately.
He backed out of the driveway and chuckled. “I’m kidding. She told me to stick to parking lots only and to bring her car back in one piece.”
“Did she say anything else?”
“Why? Is there something she should’ve told me?” He raised his eyebrows.
“No. She says stupid stuff sometimes, that’s all.” I looked out the window. We were heading uphill toward the freeway.
“She worries a lot, huh?”
“Did your mom freak out over letting you drive?”
Justin didn’t look at me this time. He focused on the car in front of us. “I’m sure she would’ve.”
“Would’ve?”
We pulled up to a red light. “She died when I was twelve.”
My mouth fell open to speak, but I didn’t know what to say. The only person I knew who died was my grandfather, and I knew him as the guy who sat in a wheelchair and wore diapers. I didn’t depend on him or talk to him every day like I did Mom. “Why? I mean, how—what happened?”
“Lung cancer—and no, she didn’t smoke.” He drummed the steering wheel, still not looking at me.
Sometimes I avoided eye contact when I didn’t know how to answer a question. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about his mom, like Naomi didn’t want to talk about hers. “Where are you taking me?”
A little smile played at his lips. “You’ll see.”
We headed south toward the mountains. Trees lined every inch of the highway. Some of the leaves were fading into shades of orange and yellow. Justin slowed as we neared a sign that read lake padden.
“There’s a trail that goes around the lake. It’s really pretty,” he said.
Walls of evergreens sheltered the parking lot we pulled into. A baseball diamond and tennis court sat in front of an oblong lake. The water resembled glass under the low clouds.
Justin got out of the driver’s side to switch with me, but my legs froze. I couldn’t tell my left from my right when I got nervous. Sometimes I’d start laughing or I’d go into a full-blown panic attack. I’d failed all six driving tests within the first five minutes.
He held the door open for me, a comforting smile on his face.
“Maybe we can go for a walk instead?” I suggested.
“You can do this. Now scoot over or I’ll sit on your lap.”
Before I could protest, he gripped the edges of the seat and moved toward me. Our faces were inches apart. He had gold flecks in his eyes. They were like spots of color in a black-and-white photograph.