“We kissed,” I whispered.
“What?” She leaned forward, her eyes widening.
I brought my mouth to her ear. “Kissed.”
“Kissed what?”
“You know—with our mouths.”
Her brows pinched together. “That’s it?”
I ached to tell her the truth. That I’d never had a boyfriend before. I wanted to ask her all about her first time. What was normal, what wasn’t. But she’d probably think that was funny too.
A slowing car caught my attention. Justin pulled up to the curb in front of us.
Naomi grinned, standing up. “Speaking of a certain ex-thug.”
“Don’t call him that.”
She rolled her eyes and ran over to Justin’s car.
I stayed back and watched them through the lens of the camera. The world looked so different this way. Naomi’s smile seemed less real, and Justin looked almost shy. I zoomed in as he pulled out of their hug. He stared right into the camera, like he was trying to see inside my mind. Naomi glanced over at me and whispered something. He eyed the ground and shrugged.
I focused on Naomi’s mouth as they walked toward me. It moved so quickly. Like she couldn’t get the words out fast enough. Justin’s lips curved up, not enough to be smiling. But enough to look unassuming. Pleasant.
“She can’t seem to stop messing around with that thing,” Naomi said.
Justin came within a few feet of me and stopped. “Hey.”
I straightened, peering over the camera. “Hi.”
Naomi’s gaze bounced between us. “Hello, awkward.” And then the wicked grin took over. “Drea tells me you two had quite the hot night.” She punched his arm.
He shot me what could only be a confused look. “That’s interesting.”
“Don’t,” I said, hoping she’d drop it for once.
“Yeah, apparently you guys…” She put a hand over her mouth, pretending to giggle.
“What? I missed the joke, sorry,” Justin said.
My heart thudded. “Naomi, please stop.”
“Drea said you guys”—she nudged him and whispered—“kissed.” Then she covered her mouth like it was the most shocking thing ever.
My cheeks burned, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I ran into the house, slamming the basement door behind me. Naomi must’ve known what a big deal that kiss was to me. And she didn’t care. It was a joke to her. I was a joke.
I buried my face in the softness of my pillow, squeezing my eyes shut.
The basement door creaked open a couple minutes later.
“Give me five minutes, Grandma! Five lousy minutes.”
But it wasn’t her open-toed heels coming down the stairs. These steps were softer, more like tennis shoes. “Don’t worry. Grandma and Naomi are holding down the fort,” Justin said. “But I brought the camera down in case they decide to go Jerry Springer on each other.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled into my green pillow.
His footsteps echoed behind me and stopped as he set the camera down. He walked over to the side I was facing and leaned against the wall, peering down at me. I turned the other way.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
“Everything is a big joke to her, including me.”
“She gets off on teasing people. But you aren’t a joke to her, Drea. She went on and on last night about how talented you are.”
“Why is she always trying to embarrass me?”
“Because she wants attention and doesn’t know how to ask for it.”
“You sound like Jackie.”
“So be it. But it’s true. Besides, she feels pretty bad. Your grandma asked where you were, and Naomi told her you didn’t feel well. She got suckered into helping your grandma redo the table display.”
I rolled over and met his gaze. “I told my mom what happened last weekend. She wants to call her dad.”
“Did you tell her about me too?”
“I told her everything. I’m sorry. She still likes you.”
He shifted his weight against the wall. “Don’t be sorry. You guys are close. I tell my sister everything too.”
“I need to convince her not to call Naomi’s dad.”
He shrugged. “I don’t think you can.”
“That doesn’t help much.”
“What can I say, Drea? I’m not very good at the comforting thing, especially when it comes to you.”
“That’s not true,” I said.
“No? You seemed almost disgusted by me the other night.”
I sat up. “And that’s the problem, Justin. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say or the right way to say it. By the time I figured out how to tell you what I was feeling, you had left. Don’t assume my thoughts by the look on my face. Don’t try and read between my words. At least ask me what I’m thinking or feeling first. It might take me some time, but I will answer you.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “Okay, then, I’m asking. How do you feel about me?”
“It’s hard to explain. You make me feel connected to the world in ways I’ve never felt connected before. Usually I hate it when people touch me, but with you—it’s comforting. Not in the same way as my mom.”
“God, I hope not.” He gave me a strange look before holding up his hands. “Sorry, go on.”
“It’s a warm feeling, and my stomach kind of tickles. And… why are you smiling?”
He moved from the wall and sat on the bed. Close, but not close enough to touch me. “You’re describing actual sensations.”
“You asked me how I felt.”
“I know, and it’s the most real and honest answer I’ve ever heard. That’s why I’m smiling.”
“Oh.” I ran my fingers along the threads of my purple comforter. “I wanted to say thank you the other night. For giving me a chance, for the driving lessons, for coming to get me and Naomi at two in the morning—and for saying you liked everything about me. Nobody has ever said that before.”
“You don’t need to thank me for liking you, Drea. It was a done deal when I saw you singing to yourself the first day of school.”
I let my hair fall in my face, hoping it would cover up my dumb smile. “I thought you were laughing at me.”
“No, I was wondering how to introduce myself to the beautiful musically inclined girl without sounding like an ass.”
I peeked up at him. “I thought you were cute, but probably a jerk.”
He smirked. “Yeah, I gathered that much—the jerk part, anyway. And you would’ve been right if you’d met me last year.”
I moved closer to him, putting my hand over his. “But I didn’t. So it doesn’t matter.”
He pulled away. “Drea, the stuff I told you about my past was just the highlights. I didn’t get into all of it, because I didn’t think it mattered. But I think it will matter to you—especially after your reaction the other night.”
I moved back to the headboard, curling my knees under my chin. “Oh.”
“I just know that the more time I spend with you, the more I like you. The more I want to be part of your life.” He rolled his eyes. “And I need to shut up because I suck at this.”
“I feel the same way,” I said.
He sighed and laid back on the bed. “What did you mean by—you thought I was more like you?”
“I was hoping you were an inexperienced dork like me, because I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Nobody really knows what they’re doing. We’d all like to think we do, though.”
“So it doesn’t bother you, about me?” I asked.
“No. I wouldn’t have even known if you didn’t tell me.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. When you kiss someone for the first time, it’s usually awkward. It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve kissed before.”
“How many people have you kissed?”
His eyes lifted to mine. “I don’t know the exact number.”
“Yeah, you mentioned that.”
“I slept with some of them too. But I don’t remember much. There were times I woke up and couldn’t remember what happened. That scares the shit out of me.”