I woke next Day with a light Head that allow'd strange Fancies in: I would as like have staid all day in my Gown and be denied to everybody, but then a fresh Idea gave me the Resolution to get up with a good heart. I dress'd my self and took my best Periwigg from its little Box before Nat came in to rouse me: Well sir, I said to him when he enter'd (and he made an aukward Stop when he heard me address him thus), I have just had a Thought I will not exchange for fifty Guineas.
He was urgent with me to discover it but I would not, and soon enough his wandering Mind was set upon another Course. Mrs Best, says he, sent message last Night if you would play a little Quadrille but you had not returned and I could not answer for you, I waited and waited till I grew quite Tired and then it was about the Middle of the Night when I heard a Noise Peace, Nat, I replied, you will disturb me this Morning with your Chatter for I have another Fish to Fry. And then I hugg'd my self closely.
It was with great Exultation that I walk'd into the Office and, having greeted Walter who was staring out of the Window as pale as if he had seen his own Spectre, I entered the Closet of Mr Hayes. I saw him thinking, O God here he comes! here he comes! but I approach'd him with all the Civility imaginable and ask'd him if he might grant me a Favour. He gave me a Bow and entreated me to proceed, saying that he would give me as much Favour as he could. Then I discours'd with him thus: that the Mason, before his own Fatality and in Grief at his Son's death, had not paid much heed to the Outwalls of St Mary Woolnoth facing Lombard Street, and that these Walls were in consequence wanting not less than seven or eight Foot in Height. When they were completed, then the Scaffolding might after that be intirely struck and taken away: no more Delay and, I added, since you have worked in strict Partnership with the Mason I would be very much obliged if you would inspect his Work and see what is necessary to finish it. The Villain told me that if it lay in his Power he would give me Satisfaction in this regard, for he too had been sensible of the Delay; then I thank'd him again, and he thank'd me for coming so modestly to him. And thus I drew him by Smiles into Perdition. Are you still affected by the Vertigo? J asked. I have a little Trouble, he replied to my great Delight.
He was as good as a dead Man, a Jack-pudding to be eaten, and as I returned to my own Closet I made my Guts to shake with Laughter like a trodden Quagmire. Walter was perplex'd by my sudden Mirth and asked me, how it was? And I replied, it was very well.
Here is something to encrease your Laughter, says he presently, there is a letter here from the Vicar of Mary Woolnoth.
From Priddon?
The same. He trusts that you will inform him when you have fixed a time for removing the Heathen Rubbidge -or so he puts it in his canonical Speech.
The Man is a Fool, I said, to talk of Rubbidge; I would sooner put him in the Cart when I hear the Clapper of the Rubbidge-men.
For in truth the Parson Priddon is a peece of hypocritical Holinesse who wears an old-fashioned Coat and has his Stockings hanging about his Legs; and yet his Face is red and plump, and his Eyes sparkling. He speaks of God from his Pulpit but knows no more of It than the May-fly knows of the Water above which it buzzes or the Mobb know of the Sunne when they feel its Heat upon their sweaty Faces. No Churchman has so well observ'd the Act of Uniformity, for in King Charles the Second's time who was more eager than him for putting the Penal Laws in execution; in King James's who a greater Stickler for abolishing them; in King William's who more violent for sending home the Dutch Blew-Guards in the English service; and now in Queen Anne's who more complaisant to our Dutch allies? Walter has left my Closet to make Water but on coming in again he says: And will you remove that Poor stuff, as Priddon calls it?
To go back a little: the church of St Mary Woolnoth, having been grievously damaged in the Fatal year 1666 and its Sides, Roof and Part of the Ends damnified by the Fire, it was admitted within the authority of the Commission as a fit Church for restoring. It was mostly built of Stone, Square and Boulder yet what was destroy'd, as the Front to Lombard Street, I have re-erected in Free-stone. But first it had been necessary for me to inspect and secure the Foundacions, and it was while the work men were digging by the Side of the Church that they found severall human Bones in the Gravell. They kept on in their Digging in order to uncover the Bodies that were hurried there but, as they were thus imployed, part of an antient Chappell fell in upon them. To cut the Matter short, they had found here a primitive Church, with a semi-circular Presbyterium or Chancel which came near to the Form of a Cross; and the Foundations were not of Rubbidge but of Kentish rubble-stone, artfully worked and consolidated with exceeding hard Mortar in the Roman manner. Inscriptions were then uncover'd to DEO MOGONTI CAD and DEO MOUNO CAD: they pleased me exceedingly when I viewed them, for the tradition reported by Mr Cambden is that the god Magon, or Idol of the Sunne, made good this quarter of the City.
Parson Priddon, who watched my Labourers from the safety of his House next the Church, hastened into the Street when I arriv'd to inspect the Ruines. Then he peer'd uneasily into the Pitte where the Chapel had been found, saying, Pray, sir, by your leave I will look upon this idle Stuff. I advis'd him to wear a Jack-cap of Leather to keep him from the Hurt of falling Brick or Timber, and at this he takes a Step away: what a happy Occasion it was, says he, when the Supreme Being brought Peace and Tranquillity to our Minds and saved us from such Idolatry! But he stopp'd short in his canting Discourse when a work man carried to me another Stone on which, after I had scraped off the Incrustation, I found the inscription DUJ.
What is that, asked the Parson, is it some new Absurdity?
It is not the particular name of a God, I replied, but in the British tongue DU means Dark, and it may be that here was a Patch where Nocturnal sacrifices were once perform'd.
At this he drew himself up a little saying, I cannot assent to spiritual Raptures; all this Darknesse is past, Mr Dyer, and it has been revealed to us that we have a Rationall God. We walked a little away from the Pitte, for the Dust was falling upon our Cloathes, and I held my peace.
Then he goes on: What is this DU but the Language of Infants, Mr Dyer? I told him that I agreed with him upon that, but he had already struck into his Theme as if he were mounting the Pulpit as he spoke: What is this DU when we see how God guides the whole of his Creation in the wonted course of Cause and Effect which we may prove, Mr Dyer, by considering the unaffected Simplicity of Nature.
And at this point the venerable Priddon raised his Arm around him, tho' I could see only the courts and alleys of Cheap-side. I grant you, he said hastily, that the Streets are but a poor Prologue to my Theme but look you Heavenwards (and he raysed his Voice as he looked up at the Sky) and you will be filled with a pleasing Astonishment if you could see with the aid of a Telescope so many Worlds hanging above one another, moving peacefully and quietly round their Axles and yet shewing such an amazing Pomp and Solemnity. If we consult our Reason as well as our Interest, Mr Dyer, we will pity the poor Heathens and regret their coming hither.
But in the walls of Pardon Church-Yard before the Fire, I replied, to the North of St Pauls I did not know it.
– In that Church-yard was artificially and richly painted the Dance of Macabre or Dance of Death. Is that not like this DU?
It was most unadvisedly done, sir, replied the good Parson, and, once dwelt upon, it will provoke Melancholly. Besides, all our Ceremonies can be as well explained by plain Reason.