“I’ve tried my best to learn,” Curlypaw sighed. “I know I’m good at hunting, and I do care about my Clan. But Parsleyseed is right; it’s easier and safer to be a kittypet.”
“You’ve been visiting Parsleyseed?” Hawkwing asked sharply.
“Yes. I went to Parsleyseed’s new home first thing this morning and talked to him,” Curlypaw replied.
So that’s where she was before our hunting patrol! Hawkwing thought with sudden understanding. That must have been some kind of Twoleg scent on her fur.
“I met his Twolegs—Parsleyseed calls them ‘housefolk’—and they were very kind,” Curlypaw continued. “Parsleyseed says he has all the delicious food he can eat, and his housefolk let him out whenever he wants, except at night, because then it’s his job to guard the Twoleg kit. He thinks he can convince his Twolegs to take in another cat, and I—” She hesitated, then finished defiantly, “I want to go!”
“But how can you abandon your Clan?” Hawkwing asked, still hardly able to believe he was hearing this. “How can you abandon StarClan?”
To his amazement, there was pity in Curlypaw’s eyes as she gazed at him. “Why should I care about StarClan?” she asked.
“Does StarClan care about us? Our medicine cat has left us. We haven’t found the other Clans. What if everything we’ve been told about StarClan is just a… a pretty story? Because if StarClan really exists, why would they allow us to suffer like this?”
Hawkwing had no idea what to say. Her doubts reflected ones he had felt himself, but he had never realized that Curlypaw shared them. It’s my fault, he thought. I’ve failed her as a mentor.
“Don’t go,” he mewed, his voice raw. If she stays I’ll do better, he vowed. I’ll win her over. I’ll share my doubts with her, and we’ll talk about them together. I’ll show her why being a Clan cat is important.
Curlypaw rubbed her cheek against his. “I’ll never stop being grateful to you, but I’ve already decided,” she responded gently.
“I’ll leave in the morning.”
“Does Leafstar know?” Hawkwing asked, reluctantly accepting defeat.
“I told Birdwing and Sagenose,” Curlypaw replied. “They say they understand, and that they’ll tell Leafstar.”
She dipped her head and padded away toward the apprentices’ den. Stunned, Hawkwing watched her stroll out of sight, then stumbled back into the center of the hollow. He didn’t want to talk to any cat, but after a moment he found his paw steps taking him to the nursery, where Plumwillow had made a nest of moss and bracken underneath the low-growing branches of a hazel bush.
Inside he breathed in the warm, milky scent of the kits and began to relax slightly. Plumwillow was still awake, gently licking the sleeping kits. As Hawkwing approached she raised her head and blinked at him affectionately.
“Don’t wake them,” she murmured.
“I won’t.” Gently Hawkwing nuzzled each kit in turn. At his touch they gave a little wriggle, but didn’t wake. “They’re so beautiful. We must do everything we can to keep them safe.”
Plumwillow nodded. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Hawkwing retreated into the open again and spotted Leafstar sitting in the middle of the clearing, her head raised as she gazed at the moon. Her expression was unreadable.
Thinking of what he had to say to her on the following day, Hawkwing felt a tingle of apprehension in his belly. He knew that after everything the Clan had been through, Leafstar would probably react badly to his insistence that they finally leave the lake. We must do this, though, he thought, for the good of the Clan.
But how can I convince Leafstar of that, when even Echosong couldn’t?
Chapter 32
Hawkwing’s heart was heavy as he padded out of the camp early the next morning with Curlypaw by his side. He still found it hard to believe that his apprentice was lost to him, and to the whole of SkyClan. It was harder still to be angry with her, after all the trouble SkyClan had suffered since Duskpaw’s death in the fire and the arrival of Darktail.
How much more must we go through before we find our new home?
The dawn light was gray and dim, the clouds barely clearing the tops of the trees. Tall grasses bent over with the weight of dew, brushing the cats’ pelts as they passed. The damp cold struck deep beneath Hawkwing’s fur, and he shivered.
“You’ll give me the chance to get to Parsleyseed’s den?”
Curlypaw asked. “I don’t want any cat chasing me and trying to make me stay.”
“No cat will come after you,” Hawkwing promised. “If that’s what you really want.”
His belly cramped with apprehension as he imagined the reaction of his Clanmates when they found out she had actually gone. He didn’t want them to think that Curlypaw was a coward, or just looking for a soft and easy life.
And what will they think of me? he asked himself gloomily. A warrior who couldn’t keep his apprentice. If I lose their respect, how will I convince Leafstar that we need to move on?
The two cats halted on the bank of a small stream. Beyond it was a long slope covered with fern, and from the top of that, Hawkwing knew, Curlypaw would be able to see Parsleyseed’s Twoleg nest.
“This is it, then,” Hawkwing meowed. “You’re sure you won’t change your mind?”
Curlypaw shook her head. “I’ve thought long and hard about this, Hawkwing,” she replied. “I know it’s the right decision for me. But it’s not like we’ll never see each other again,” she added, clearly trying to sound cheerful. “We still live beside the same lake.”
We do for now, Hawkwing thought, still fiercely hoping that he could persuade Leafstar to change her mind and move on. But he didn’t think that would make any difference to Curlypaw. “Good luck,” he mewed. “And may StarClan light your path.”
“Yours, too,” Curlypaw responded, rubbing her cheek against his.
I’m really going to miss her, Hawkwing thought. She’s so smart and capable. And if SkyClan can’t hold on to young cats like her, what kind of future do we have?
With a final dip of her head, Curlypaw leaped across the stream and disappeared into the ferns. Hawkwing stood there for a long time, watching the movement of the fronds as Curlypaw climbed the slope. At last all movement ceased, and he knew she must have crossed the ridge and must be racing toward Parsleyseed’s den and her new life as a kittypet.
And now I have to talk to Leafstar, he thought, turning away with a sigh.
When Hawkwing returned to camp, Leafstar and Waspwhisker were in the middle of arranging the dawn patrols. Hawkwing stood to one side until the groups separated and set out. Then he padded up to his Clan leader.
“Leafstar, may I speak to you in private?” he asked.
“What is this all about?” Waspwhisker asked.
Hawkwing gave the Clan deputy an awkward glance. He had wanted to discuss the Clan’s future with Leafstar alone, but Waspwhisker was standing there as if his paws had grown roots, and Leafstar made no attempt to dismiss him.
Giving in, Hawkwing dipped his head respectfully. “I feel it’s time to rethink our decision to stay here by the lake,” he began.
“Dewkit, Reedkit, and Finkit could have been killed yesterday.
And we’re losing young cats to Twolegs, of all things.”