“You always do when we’re having a mushy moment,” Tara said, not letting go.
Dammit. “Seriously?” Chloe asked. “Because we just mushed all over each other a few months back when Maddie got engaged, and I’m still recovering from that.”
“That was a year ago,” Maddie said. “And now Tara’s engaged. It’s definitely mush time.”
Tara shook her head. “No, first we mush on this.” She looked at Chloe. “We owe you an apology.”
“Whoa. Can you repeat?”
Tara sighed. “You might be the youngest, but you’re not a baby. You’ve really changed, Chloe. Grown up.”
“Okay, thanks. Can you let go of me now?”
“No,” Maddie said, tightening her grip, laughing when Chloe swore.
“We’re trying to tell you that we’re sorry it took us so long to realize,” Tara said. “And that though you march to a different drummer, you have it together just fine.”
“Sometimes even more than us,” Maddie added.
Chloe narrowed her eyes. “Okay, what do you guys want? You’re both going away with your lovers this weekend, right? Leaving me with the inn? Is that it?”
Maddie laughed. “No. We love you, Chloe. That’s it.”
“Oh, good God.” She dropped her head to bang it repeatedly on Maddie’s shoulder.
Her sisters both laughed, but Chloe didn’t feel quite in on the joke. Her mother had been a free spirit and had flung the L-word around to anyone and everyone, so much so that it had lost its meaning. And then there’d been TV and in movies, and everyone knew that love wasn’t real either, just an easy antidote to bad stuff suffered in the story. Family betrayed you? I love you. All better. Man ripped your heart to shreds? I love you. Perfect Band-Aid. World destruction imminent and you’re going to fly into the asteroid leaving your daughter an orphan? I love you. Buck up.
No, to Chloe it seemed like people used “I love you” when they meant “I’m sorry” or “Could we please forget about what a moron I’ve been?” They weren’t words to be used like a Band-Aid, or to be said to make someone feel better in the moment, like the time Phoebe had left a seven-year-old Chloe at a stranger’s house for four days or when she’d spent the entire Christmas money on gifts for her boyfriend.
Chloe might not be the smartest kid on the block, but she’d learned early on that those three words had power. No way she would ever let that power be wasted. That would be a sacrilege. Her sisters could joke all they wanted, but Chloe knew deep in her bones that when it was time to say the words, she’d know. There’d be some cosmic sign. Problem was, she was starting to wonder if her cosmic receiver was faulty.
Wonder if Jax knew a contractor for that?
In any case, she was grateful for what she did have with Tara and Maddie. More than they could possibly know. They were all she had as far as stabilizing forces. They were her only blood ties.
And if she let herself think that way for too long, it made her sad. Lonely.
Afraid.
So she didn’t think on it.
Ever.
She just enjoyed having them in her life. And as she’d come to realize in the past year, the more of herself that she gave to the inn, the longer that might be.
“She’ll say it when she’s ready,” Maddie said to Tara. “And we shouldn’t be teasing her. Chloe, honey, you’re pale. Are you okay? Are you having trouble breathing?”
“It’s blood loss from my brain exploding.” Chloe jammed her hands into her pockets, suddenly extremely and uncomfortably aware that they were both staring at her with concern. “Not everyone wants to sit around and discuss feelings. Not everyone is in a relationship.”
Silence, and she grimaced. When would she learn to stop talking?
“Sugar.” Tara’s eyes were unusually soft and, dammit, full of sympathy. “Is this about us both getting married?”
“No,” Chloe said. “Of course not. I’m thrilled for both of you.”
“Is it about you wanting a relationship?” Maddie asked gently.
“If I wanted a relationship, I’d have one.”
“Is it about Sawyer?” Tara asked. “Are you’re falling for him?”
Yes.
No.
Christ, she had no idea. She shook her head, hoping that covered all the options. “That would be stupid.”
Tara let out a breath and nodded. And this, of course, put Chloe in defense mode. “Why are you nodding?”
Tara looked at Maddie, then back to Chloe. “Because,” Tara said carefully, “you said it yourself.”
“Yes, and I know why I said it, but why did you say it?”
“Well, there’s the whole he-wears-a-badge thing and your whole hate-authority thing. And-”
Maddie put her hand on Chloe’s arm. “Honey, what she means is that you’ve never been all that interested in toeing the line, and Sawyer’s life is that line, you know?”
Yes, Chloe knew. She knew exactly. And wasn’t that just the problem.
Chapter 18
“Sex is like air; it’s not important unless
you aren’t getting any.”
Chloe Traeger
Sawyer’s week was an exhausted blur. His counterpart, Tony Sanchez, had been taking a lot of time off because of the new twins, leaving Sawyer overworked and facing too many double shifts. So he wasn’t in the best of moods when he should have been getting off duty but instead was heading into an all-nighter and found a car parked oddly on the side of the highway beneath a grove of trees. Sawyer exited his vehicle to check it out, but it roared to life, speeding off, tires squealing, narrowly missing two cars passing by.
Bonehead move. Sawyer jumped back into his vehicle, flipped on his lights, and pulled the car over.
There were two guys in the front seat. Sawyer didn’t see anything suspicious inside the car, so he wrote a ticket for reckless driving. The driver bitched about it, then proceeded to pull away, once again squealing his tires and laying down tread, barely missing yet another car.
Sawyer was just pissed off enough to pull him over again, calmly issuing the Idiot of the Day his second ticket.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” the driver yelled. “Another ticket?” He thrust his car into gear.
“Careful,” Sawyer warned him. “I have all night.”
The guy muttered “asshole” beneath his breath but pulled onto the highway more carefully this time.
From there, Sawyer was called to traffic duty. Construction crews were working on the main street in town and had closed the road. There’d been a flashing sign all week long warning people, and the crew had carefully barricaded the road in several places, posting up “road closed” signs as well as detour signs. And yet several people still managed to drive around the barricades and then get angry with Sawyer because they couldn’t get through.
“This is ridiculous!” one woman screamed at him. “I can’t get out of this mess to save my life. You’re all assholes!”
She’d had to drive on the wrong side of the road to get past the barricades-and he was the asshole. “See that barricade you ignored and drove around?” he asked her. “You want to drive back the way you came. Go by each of the road closed signs that you passed-I believe there were three-and follow the detour directions.”
Flipping him off, she turned around.
The next guy to come through the barricades was-oh perfect-Todd. Todd had been questioned after the diner incident as a matter of course and hadn’t reacted well. He’d been running his mouth in town, telling anyone who would listen that Sawyer was abusing his power, and that Todd was going to bring him down. The guy wanted a fight, but Sawyer wasn’t going to give him one. No way was he going to allow Todd to jeopardize his job or be a menace to innocent people. It’d been years; it was time for Todd to get over himself and get his life on track. Unfortunately, Sawyer knew better than anyone that you couldn’t make a person do what they didn’t want to do. He couldn’t save Todd any more than he could gain his own father’s approval. There was just some shit that had to be let go.