“Yes, she is,” Sarah said, but only halfheartedly. The fact that this had happened a second time in only two months had her shaken. Without a reoccurrence and with Grace’s cardiologist sounding so encouraging, it was easy to slip back into normal life. Today was an unfortunate wake-up call.
“Ms. Matamoros, I think this is something we need to discuss from a safety perspective,” Mr. Ingersol said. Sarah tensed, hoping against the worst. “I have very real concerns about our ability to provide Grace with what she needs. I hate to have to do this, but for her own benefit, I think it would be best if Grace did not finish the summer with us.”
Sarah felt as if she’d been punched squarely in the stomach. “You’re kicking her out for having a heart condition? Can you do that?”
“I’m so sorry, but it’s for her own safety. This is a very active camp, and based on what we know of Grace’s very recent diagnosis, I’m not confident this is a safe environment for her. There are plenty of camps that cater to children with special needs. Perhaps in the future, you could look into one of them.”
“Can we come to some sort of compromise? Maybe limit her participation in the more strenuous activities. Let her watch but still get the chance to be around her friends. It would kill her to not be able to finish.”
“I’m sorry, but from a legal perspective, we can’t have her return. I had concerns when we agreed to admit her, given her recent medical history, but after consulting briefly with our attorney, this is the best course of action for everyone involved. We’ll offer a partial refund, of course, for the remaining two weeks.”
“Thank you,” Sarah said with icy calm. “If you could just locate her backpack for me, we’ll be out of your way.”
“Of course. And again, we wish nothing but the best for Grace.”
“Clearly.”
As they walked to the car, hand in hand, Sarah struggled with how she would possibly explain to Grace that she was no longer allowed to attend camp. Grace loved this place and had blossomed so much that summer with all the new activities she’d been exposed to, not to mention the new group of friends she’d made. The idea alone broke her heart.
“Mama, why can’t I stay? I feel fine.”
“Well, because I want to make sure you’re okay. The doctor said this would happen if you overexert yourself, and so you probably need to rest a little. Lay low.”
“But this afternoon we’re supposed to do water balloons, and I don’t want to miss it. Angela and Brianna asked me to be on their team.”
“That sounds like it would have been fun, but don’t you think it’s more important to make sure you’re okay?”
Grace thought on this for a moment. “I guess so. If that’s what you want. Maybe they’ll have water balloons tomorrow too.”
Sarah took a deep breath as they climbed into the car, and then stared at the leather pattern on the steering wheel, hating what she was about to say. “Mija, I have some not so good news.”
“What?” Grace’s large eyes, already filled with fear, made it even more difficult to deliver what she knew would be a horrible blow.
“We’re not coming back to camp anymore. You see, Mr. Ingersol also wants to make sure you’re feeling well, and he’s afraid that the activities at camp are not good for your heart condition.”
“He said I can’t come back?” Grace asked in a horrified whisper.
Sarah nodded solemnly. “You know what, though?” She forced herself to brighten. “I think you’re going to have more fun this way. Papi was just saying that he didn’t get to do enough cool stuff with you this summer. And since I still have to work in the daytime, I have a feeling you two will get into all kinds of trouble together.”
Grace nodded almost imperceptibly and stared out the window.
“Sweetheart?” When Grace turned back to her there were tears streaming down her face. At the sight, Sarah felt them spring into her own eyes.
“I want to go back to camp tomorrow,” she managed to gulp out. “This is all my fault.”
“Of course it’s not your fault.” Sarah brushed the tears gently from her cheek. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I didn’t tell anyone I was feeling tired when I was. I just wanted to keep playing. Our team was winning the volleyball tournament, and I was going to get to serve next. I should have said something.” She managed to take a deep, shuddering breath in the midst of her sobs.
“You’re right, you should have said something. We’ve talked about this. But it’s not your fault you can’t come back to camp. It’s not your fault that your heart gets sick sometimes. It’s just the way things are, baby. But promise me you won’t keep how you’re feeling a secret ever again. This is so very important. Do you understand?”
Grace, still crying openly, nodded. “I promise.”
Sarah placed her hand gently under Grace’s chin and turned her face fully so she could look directly into her eyes. “I love you more than the moon and back, and I know that this must be so hard for you. But things are going to get better. School’s about to start and you’re going to see all your friends again. Mindy didn’t get to go to summer camp at all. Think how she must feel. She’ll be so excited to see you again.”
“Yeah,” Grace said. Her crying was now subsiding into sniffles.
“I have an idea. Why don’t we pick up a couple of double chocolate milkshakes, veg out on the couch together, and watch a movie?”
“Don’t you have to go back to work?”
“I’d rather spend today with you. You’re my favorite.”
“Okay, I guess.”
Well, that was at least something. They could spend the afternoon together, and she could try her best to make Grace forget about camp. Show her a good time. She absolutely could not stand to see her so dejected, so heartbroken. It was tearing her up inside. What she really wanted to do was punch that Mr. Ingersol square in the face.
When they arrived home, Sarah opened the cabinet next to the television and began listing off potential movies they could watch to Grace, who hadn’t moved very far from the entryway. “What about The Princess Diaries? You love that one.”
Grace took a sip from her milkshake and then placed it on the end table. “I think I’d rather just go to my room for a little while.”
“You don’t want to watch a movie?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay, baby. Is there anything I can get you?” Sarah plastered a cheerful smile on her face. “Do you want me to sit with you?”
Grace shook her head wordlessly and headed quietly down the hall to her room. Before she turned the corner, Sarah caught a glimpse of fresh tears welling up in Grace’s eyes. At the sound of her bedroom door closing, Sarah allowed herself to collapse onto the couch. She covered her face with her hands and realized how completely and utterly helpless she felt. She couldn’t overrule nature and take away Grace’s heart block, she couldn’t protect Grace from the harshness of the outside world, and she couldn’t even so much as cheer her up on such a difficult day. What kind of mother was she?
She remained on the couch for the next half hour, sinking further and further into a powerless state. She needed perspective, she realized. She needed to talk this out. She thought briefly of calling Carmen, knowing she would sympathize with her from a mother’s point of view, but that wasn’t what she needed. Sarah pulled her phone from her back pocket. Emory didn’t answer until the fourth ring, but when she did, just the sound of her voice was enough to calm Sarah in a way she wouldn’t have thought possible.