Yeah, right.
Either way, I have no idea what the hell I’m meant to do. She’s caught me completely off guard. Do I apologize for what I’ve done and assure her she’s the one her husband loves? How did she find out it was me, anyway? And Matt, that lying motherfucker…
“It was just sex,” I say.
Her eyes widen. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? How many times was it, anyway?”
“A few.”
“Where? Where did you do it?”
“Does it matter?”
Her eyes flash in anger. “You’re goddamn right it matters. Did you do it in my home? In my bed?”
We didn’t actually do it in the bed. Just everywhere else. I shake my head.
“You’re a bitch,” she says. “He’s a married man. He has a family. You’re a home wrecker, d’you know that? You probably prey on married men. You’re one of those women who can’t be happy unless they’re sabotaging someone else’s happiness. I don’t even have to know you to be able to see that. Well, it’s all over. D’you hear me? It’s over. If you ever try to get in touch with my husband again…”
She doesn’t finish the sentence, as though the implied threat is so bad it’s better left unsaid. “I’m just trying to eat my lunch,” I say flatly. “I’m not trying to ruin anything for you.”
Mrs. Ellen Campbell is shaking her head. “I don’t care about your lunch,” she snaps. “I don’t care about you at all. But I knew that something was going on with him. I just knew it.”
“So you were right. Does that make you feel better or worse?”
“Being able to find you and look you in the eye and tell you what a cunt you are actually does make me feel better. I’m sure my husband isn’t the first married man you’ve slept with. I bet none of the other women have had the nerve to tell you what a piece of shit you are. If you had any respect for yourself—or anyone else—you wouldn’t do this kind of thing. You obviously think you’re worthless. And you know what? You’re right. Women like you never find someone to be with long term. I feel sorry for you.”
She shoots me one last venomous glare and then turns on her heel and leaves. Most of the people in the café are looking at me. I feel strangely devoid of anything—I’m not embarrassed, or ashamed, or humiliated. In a way, I feel as though Ellen Campbell has just spoken some fundamental truth about myself that I didn’t want to see. I am a piece of shit, and I am worthless. Maybe that’s why I feel completely unaffected by what she just told me—because I know it’s true.
******
The Callahan Corporation’s located in an intimidating glass-and-steel skyscraper that literally does seem to touch the sky. When I was a teenager, I always thought the building looked pretty cool. So shiny and new, reflecting great panels of sunlight over the city.
Now, I think it’s the most obvious phallic object ever constructed by the hands of man. Hey, Chicago, check it out. My name’s Aidan Callahan and I have the biggest dick in this entire state. Don’t stare at it too long or it’ll take your damn eye out.
I’ve never actually had to step inside the place until now. For some reason, I feel nervous. I’ve played this out down to the most minute details, but now that it’s actually happening it suddenly feels surreal. What if it doesn’t go as planned? What if he somehow knows exactly what I’m up to? I wouldn’t rule out that possibility. It’s very likely I could walk in there and he’ll tell me the only reason he agreed to meet so readily is because he knows what I’m going to say and he wants to confront me.
He’s a powerful man, it’s true. I’m sure he has many friends in high places. Who knows what he’d do if he thought his company is in jeopardy. Is it possible that I’m putting myself in some sort of danger?
A tiny voice in my head keeps telling me that I should just turn around, I should forget about all this. Perhaps a part of me has heard what Julia’s been saying over the years. A part that does want to forgive, to move on. I know that’s not true, though. I’m just not capable of that.
I step into the elevator with a throng of people. On the outside it might appear as though I know exactly what I’m doing, but my palms have started to sweat, my heart rate racing out of my chest. The elevator stops at the tenth floor and people get out. I could get out with them—get out, hop on the next elevator going down and skip out of here. I’m beginning to feel like I’m way out of my league.
But then an image of my brother flashes through my mind. My brother who is no longer here, my brother who I will never see again. He sacrificed everything for me. I can do this for him.
I take a deep breath.
I can do this.
I can do this.
ELEVEN
AIDAN
I’m sitting at my desk when my receptionist’s voice comes over the speakerphone and tells me Essie Floyd is here to see me. “Did she have an appointment? I didn’t see her on the calendar,” she asks.
“No. She didn’t need one. Send her in.”
I stand up and adjust my collar. I’ve spent all morning trying to figure out what Essie’s going to say when she gets here, and now the time has finally arrived. I can’t say I’ve had much success in guessing what’s going to come of this talk. Everything seems possible and at the same time, totally implausible.
My office door opens, and there she is.
She looks older than the last photograph I saw of her. Or maybe it’s that in the photograph she was smiling, and right now she isn’t. She’s frowning. Almost grimacing. Either way she doesn’t look pleased. Like every other night this month, I dreamed about her last night, and her demeanor had been very different then. She’d been breathless, words slipping out of her mouth in endless whispers as I fucked her. I’d taken a paddle to the buttocks, gently laying the leather against her bare, naked skin. She’s writhed around in ecstasy as I’d played with her, running my fingers over the slick, wet pussy, before carefully sliding my index finger inside her asshole. She’d gasped, fingernails digging into my thighs as I’d toyed with her, teasing her, using my other hand to work her clit. When she came in the dream, she was grinding her pubic bone into my hand, panting, rocking wilding against me, and the very act of witnessing her climax had made me come too. I’d woken unsatisfied, though, my dick still hard, my sheets clean. I hadn’t jerked off in the shower. I’d left my ridiculously hard cock well alone. I knew I was meeting her. I wanted to be hard for her all day. My erection had vanished before I even left the apartment, but still… It feels slightly criminal knowing that I wanted her so badly only a matter of a few hours ago. I’m all too aware of how fucked up it is that I’m thinking about fingering her ass the first time we meet in person.
“Essie.” I walk over to her, hand extended. “Aidan Callahan.”