Fred: Absolutely correct, on all counts. (Fred laughs.)
Nick: Somebody said to me, "How did you know that?" I said, "Well, just luck." Well, also, once you've seen your first thousand clients, then you realize there's really only going to be a few things. Well, let's just — I have an instinct over how you're doing this. And, as I said to one client, "I wouldn't want to bet against me, because I'm usually right." (Fred laughs,) So, the sort of things that you think to yourself are: Is it going to go well? That's one that you mentioned. What other things are going through your head?
Fred: (taking a deep breath) I unconsciously sort of think about sitting there and the worst things happening —
Nick: (overlapping) Like what? Forgot to get dressed?
Fred: — notes not being produced — Well, no, not that. (laughter)
Nick: The job is a trombone, not a triangle; that could be really problematic.
Fred: Just, just, you know, not being to produce notes or splitting notes, not producing very well, or just the anticipation of sitting there almost frozen with nerves, really.
Nick: OK, these are all descriptions of what could happen. What I'm interested in is — just close your eyes for a second. Now, pick one of the times when you had the anxiety in the past. Now what I'm interested in is, "What — first person — is going through your head? So if I was going to draw a cartoon of you, and write some bubbles above your head, what do I actually put in the bubbles that Fred is thinking to himself?
Fred: "Oh shit, I don't wanna be here."
Nick: "Oh shit, I don't wanna be here." All right. Now, is that a familiar phrase? Fred: Umm, yes, I think it is really.
Nick: OK. And keep your eyes closed, and just check. Is it said in an anxious kind of thought, in an anxious kind of a voice, and a quick kind of a voice? Just say, "Yes." (Fred: Yes, it is.) Saves time really, it's like a rhetorical question. OK, so keep your eyes closed. Because the first thing we're going to do is to start sorting some of this out. So think it as you have thought it: "Oh shit, I don't wanna be here," in that same quick, anxious kind of voice that you have up until now used… . And when you think it to yourself like that, what do you notice?
Fred: Tension.
Nick: OK. And where do you notice the tension? Fred: In my arms, and—
Nick: Where else?
Fred: Chest. Arms. Pretty much all over.
Nick: Where does it start, the tension?
Fred: In the chest area.
Nick: And where does it go to? … Does it go to the head? Fred: Well, down the arms and up to my lips.
Nick: All right, we've got two things to work on here. Let's start with the first one. So when you think at the moment, "Oh shit, I don't want to be here" in that way, you notice it triggers the feeling. (Fred: Yeah.) Yeah? OK. So, take a deep breath in, and feel your feet flat on the floor. The next thing I want you to do is I want you, Fred, to imagine that we're reading out of a play. So instead of how you used to think it, I want you to think it like this: You're just reading out of a script which is, (flat voice) "Oh shit. I don't wanna be here." And just do that one time. Let me know you've done it… .
Fred: Umhmn.
Nick: OK. Now I want you to think it like a question. So think it like this: "Oh shit. I don't wanna be here?" (rising inflection) Run it through one time, … and let me know when you've done it.
Fred: Umhmn.
Nick: Now I'm going to slow down the phrase. So I'm going to put big, big gaps in between each and every word. So it'll seem like there's a pause, because there is a pause, in between each and every word. And then I want you to think it at that same slowed–down speed. And I'll say it first and I want you to think the whole phrase. Just take your time, and do it like this: (Each space is 2–3 seconds.)
"Oh … shit! … I… don't… wanna … be here." Now slow it down to
that speed… . (long pause)
Fred: Umhmn.
Nick: OK. Now, I want you to see the phrase as if it was on a billboard in front of you. So you can see the phrase, "Oh … shit! … I… don't… wanna … be
here." And get it so that you can see each word, and you can see each word
clearly. And let me know when you can see it clearly at the moment… .
Fred: Yeah.
Nick: Now begin to create a little bit more space between the "Oh" and the "shit," and then each and every other word. So every word is a little bit more spaced out than every other word. Just quickly run through them, so they all start to space out a little bit more. So, the first two words, and then the second two, and then the "I" and the "don't," and the "wanna," and the "be" and the "here."
Fred: Yeah.
Nick: OK. Now, take the first two words, and begin to just start to fade them out. You know when things fade out, they just get fainter and fainter and fainter, … and then suddenly — pffft — you white them out so they're not there. And you'll know when they're not there, because when you look, they're not there. And now take the fourth word, and do the same thing. Start to fade it out a little bit more, a little bit more. And then there's a certain point where — pffft — white it out. So it's not there. You know it's not there, because when you look now, it's not there. (Fred: Umhm.) And take a deep breath in, and relax back into the space that's now there, instead. And as you feel your feet flat on the floor, you can notice now, and every time you listen back to this, just what it is that you notice about what it is you notice that's different. Now, as you try and think about the original phrase like you used to think about it, what do you notice?
Fred: There's only four more words on the billboard.
Nick: OK. And when you think about the phrase, what effect does it have?
Fred: It's quite relaxing.
Nick: It's quite relaxing. Now if you try and think about it like you used to think about it, what do you notice?
Fred: It doesn't have much — It doesn't have any significance.
Nick: "It doesn't have any significance." Now if you think about the time in the past when you used to think about this, in this new way, what do you notice?
Fred: It's just a memory really. Feels good, really.
Nick: "It's just a memory." OK. Now, what other phrases or things have you thought to yourself that have not been very helpful? Fred: "Please let me play well tonight."
Nick: "Please let me play well tonight." OK. What other ones? … Do you say, "Is it gonna go well?" could be one of them? Fred: Yeah.
Nick: OK. So let's just do the same thing with "Is it gonna go well?" Notice, to start with, it's a question. So, it's a questioning about whether it's gonna go well or not. Now let me just check: Is it an anxious voice, and is it a quick voice? Just
say, "Yes."
Fred: Yes.
Nick: OK. Now do the same thing. Slow it down so that it's like it's out of a play. "Is it gonna go well?" Then, make it overtly a question. "Is it gonna go well?" (rising inflection) Then slow down the phrase so there's a big gap in between each
and every word. So … everything … just … slows down. Run it all the
way through. Let me know when you've done it… .
Fred: Yeah.
Nick: OK. Now see it as a piece of text, but this time just fade out the first three words. Just start to fade them out more and more and more and more, and then at a certain point — pffft — white them out. So they're not there in the same way. And you'll know they're not there, because when you look they're not there.
Fred: Yeah.
Nick: Now, if you take a deep breath in and sit back in your chair, when you try to think about that phrase, what do you notice? Fred: I just see "go well."