Usually it is easier to change tonality indirectly, by changing the location, volume, or tempo, and find out if there is a spontaneous tonality shift. However, you can also try changing tonality directly, to find out if that changes your feeling response to what a troublesome voice says to you. Unless you are a trained musician, this is a bit more difficult to describe, because most of us don't have a good way to specify a tonality. One way around this problem is to talk about using a different national or regional accent.
One of the first steps in learning any discrimination is to experiment with polar opposites, or other experiences of great contrast. We can begin with noticing how we respond to large differences, and then gradually learn to make finer and finer discriminations, and find words to describe them.
First listen to a troublesome voice and notice both the words that it says, and the tonality it uses… .
Next, hear the same words in several different "foreign" accents in turn — British, Mexican, Chinese, Norwegian, African, Russian, Italian, Swedish, Japanese, Portuguese — or any other accent that you are familiar with. Then you can try different regional US accents — Southern belle, New York taxi driver, Texas drawl, New England twang, California laid back, etc. Notice if any of those tonalities change your response to what the voice says… .
Some of these may change your response to a voice in a way that is not useful, while others may have very little impact. But whenever you find an accent that changes your experience in a useful way, pause to make a mental note to use this accent for this voice in the future… .
Another way to experiment with tonality is to think of different people you know: someone who is very easily excited, and someone who is always calm, someone who is uncertain, and someone who is always very certain, someone who is guarded and cautious, someone willingly takes risks, someone who tends to exaggerate, someone who often minimizes, someone who often lies or only tells part of the truth, etc. Hear the same words that your voice says in these different tones of voice, and notice if any of these change your response to what the voice says… .
Again, some of these may change your response in a way that is not useful, while others may have very little impact. But whenever you find an accent that changes your response to this voice in a useful way, pause to make a mental note to use this accent in the future… .
Now hear the same words in a questioning tone of voice, a commanding tone, a tone of amazement, a tone of puzzlement, or as if someone were reading the words from a written script, or any other tone that you would like to try… .
Again, some of these may change your response in a way that is not useful, while others may have very little impact. Whenever you find a tone that changes your response in a useful way, pause to make a mental note to use this accent in the future… .
Different tonalities have different meanings for us. Exactly which tonal elements cue these meanings, and exactly what those meanings are, might be very difficult to describe, because they are largely unconscious, and most of us don't have a good vocabulary to describe them. Luckily, this isn't necessary, because all you have to do is to experiment with different tonalities, and discover how they change your response and which are most useful to you.
Up to now, we have been changing different nonverbal aspects of a voice in order to make it less troublesome. Next we will explore how to leave a troublesome voice unchanged, but add something else to it in order to change your response to it.
3. Adding Music or a Song
Up to this point, we have been changing different nonverbal aspects of a voice in order to change your response to it. Now we turn to different ways to add to your experience in order to change your response to a voice. A general principle in NLP is to never subtract experience; always add to it. Subtracting experience reduces your choices and abilities; adding experience increases them.
Instrumental music has been used for thousands of years to elicit feeling states in people — martial music to march off to war, lullabies to help children relax and go to sleep, romantic tunes to woo a lover, and on and on.
Music is processed primarily in the right hemisphere of a right–handed person's brain, the hemisphere that does not process language, so it is less conscious, and less subject to your conscious control. If you deliberately choose to hear music internally that evokes the kind of feelings that you want to have more of, you can have more control over how you feel.
For example, Richard Wagner's "The Ride of the Valkyries" is a stirring and triumphant piece of opera music that celebrates the transportation of fallen heroes to heaven. Over half a century ago, I had a series of experiences that paired meeting a challenge — with no further time to prepare — with hearing this music played at full volume — and from many sources, and out of synchrony. Ever since then, whenever I am facing a challenge, that music automatically begins playing in my head, creating a very positive state that supports my efforts to meet that challenge. Whatever else was going on in my life "takes a back seat" as I focus completely on what needs to be done.
Very early in the development of NLP, someone discovered that thinking of a problem, and then adding in loud circus music helped some people have a different attitude toward their problem. Rather than being mired in their difficulty, they could think of it as if it were another stunt in a circus — something to observe with interest and excitement.
However, others who added circus music to a problem became angry, because thinking of their problem as another circus stunt did not fit their world at all. Although changing their response from the problem state to anger showed that the music made a significant change in their response, it was not a change that was useful to them, or that they enjoyed. Adding a particular kind of music may or may not fit with someone — unless, of course, they choose it themselves.
If you think about a problem that you experience fairly often — getting depressed, feeling slighted by others, angry, anxious, overwhelmed, or whatever, you can ask yourself, "What kind of music would change my state in a useful way?" …
If you frequently get somewhat "down," or depressed, would a lively gypsy tune or a folk dance bring you "up" again? Or would a thousand violins playing a slow dirge exaggerate how you are feeling, making it seem a bit ridiculous, and less serious or overwhelming? If you experiment with different kinds of music, you can find some pieces that will be useful in changing your state in a way that is useful to you.
Think of a problem mood that you slip into repeatedly, and would like to have more choice about… .
Now think of some music that might possibly be useful to pair with this mood, and hear this music in your mind… .
As you continue to hear the music, think of a time when you felt this problem mood strongly, and notice what happens… .
Then try a different piece of music, and another, … until you find one that shifts your mood in a useful way… .
Then make a mental note to play this music in your head at those times in order to offer you more choice… .
Most psychiatrists think of compulsive hand–washing as a problem that is very difficult to treat. Below is a lovely example of using a meaningful piece of music to quickly change this problem in a single brief session. This example was sent to me about a year ago by Ron Soderquist, an NLP–trained hypnotherapist in the Los Angeles area.