For instance, if someone is often fearful or anxious, the opposite of that is safe, and they can use this word to describe the world around them. "I see the safe chair," "Those are safe curtains," "This is a safe computer," etc.
Be sure that you choose an opposite experience, not something in the mid–range of a continuum. For instance, if you are often critical and rejecting, the opposite of that would be welcoming or loving, not accepting, which is too neutral.
Try this now. Think of an unpleasant state that you sometimes slip into… .
Then think of its opposite, a positive state that you would like to have in its place… .
Then use this word to describe the things around you, either internally, or out loud. Continue to do this for several minutes, and notice how it changes your response… .
This method is an affirmation that will work, and it won't arouse other conflicting voices to disagree with it. What can we learn from the two examples I have given?
"I am sitting on this happy chair," etc. "What else can I enjoy right now?"
First, they all direct attention to events in the present moment, withdrawing your attention from whatever is going on in your mind that may be contributing to your unpleasant state.
Second, it is a process that you can do right now — whatever your present state is — in contrast to an end point (enjoyment, happiness) which may seem distant in time and unattainable.
Third, they don't contradict your reality in the moment.
Fourth, they direct attention to something in the world external to you, yet in a way that naturally and indirectly elicits an internal resourceful state of enjoyment or happiness.
These four characteristics of a positive affirmation that works can be put to use for other states. Let's take the other three qualities in one of the previous examples of an affirmation given above: healthy, wise, and free. How could you use the models given above to elicit a feeling of being healthy? …
"I am sitting on a healthy chair," etc.
"What else can I notice about my healthy functioning right now?"
Now do the same with wise and free, and then go on to create affirmations about pleasure, beauty, love, balance, or whatever you want more of in your life. "What else pleases me right now." "What else is beautiful to me right now." "What else can I love right now." "What else is balanced in my experience right now?"
Appreciate & Smile Exercise
Another exercise that Vikas offers to participants in his trainings is provided below:
With their eyes closed, I ask them to imagine they are standing in front of the front door of their home. I ask them to feel the key in their hands, and hear it turning in the lock as they open the door. And then I ask them to appreciate the door, and smile. Then I ask them go around the home and appreciate and smile with everything that they see or hear.
And then repeat the same process of appreciating and smiling with all the family members, neighbors and acquaintances. Then they do the same for the other places that they visit often, like office, school or shops. And then repeat this with some strangers as well.
And I also ask them to go inside their own bodies and appreciate and smile with all their body parts.
The whole exercise takes about fifteen minutes when I teach it; it requires less than five minutes when they do it on their own. I suggest that they do this for about a month or so, and notice the results.
Once again, the idea is to connect that appreciative and smiling state to all the usual things and people in the person's life. It does not paste a fake smile on their face; it increases the chances that the person will generally appreciate and smile and be happy everywhere.
Paul Ekman's (15) very detailed research has shown that even if you ask someone to smile artificially — or simply hold a pencil between their teeth, which requires the same kind of muscle movements around the mouth — that elicits happiness because that muscle position is unconsciously associated with smiling, and smiling is associated with pleasure and happiness.
Vikas' instruction is more subtle than asking someone to deliberately smile. It first asks you to see something externally, and then to say some words of appreciation internally, creating a natural context for a spontaneously smile.
In this chapter I have presented a number of ways that you can talk to yourself without contradicting what you might already be saying to yourself. They are elegant and graceful ways to change your experience.
Next we will explore how to replace an existing voice with a new voice that is more useful. We have to be cautious when doing this because there is always a potential for conflict.
5 Adding a Voice
In previous chapters, you have learned how to change nonverbal aspects of the direction, location, volume, tonality and tempo of a troublesome voice in order to reduce its impact on you. You have also learned how to add music or a song to a voice in order to change your response, and in the previous chapter you have experimented with several ways to talk to yourself that are useful and effective.
Now we can begin to use some of these methods in combination to make a useful change. For instance, once you have reduced the volume of a troublesome voice, you can then replace it with a more resourceful and supportive voice without creating significant conflict. The following example is from Ron Soderquist, an NLP–trained hypnotherapist in the Los Angeles area:
A middle–aged woman called to say she wanted her husband to come in for hypnosis to change his attitude. "I am sick and tired of his negative attitude." I was amused, and asked her to have him call me. She was right. When Bill came in for an appointment he said, "I grew up in a very negative, unhappy family. There were no 'Atta boys' in our family; there was only criticism. They were unhappy with their marriage, and it was a rare day when Dad or Mom laughed or showed happiness." He went on, "My wife complains that I come home from work grumbling and complaining. She says I'm just like my parents, and she's probably right, but I can't seem to help myself. I don't see how you can help me change. I don't like being so angry with the kids, and I don't like having an unhappy wife. If you can help me change, great."
After some questioning, Bill identified his parents' negative voices in his head. I asked if he could imagine a room in his head with the voices coming from a radio or some device over by the wall. He was able to imagine a radio. Then I wondered whether he would like to go over and turn down the volume, or perhaps put a pillow in front of the radio to muffle the sound. As he did this, he gave a big sigh, and visibly relaxed. "What's going on?" I asked.
"My head is quiet for the first time ever," Bill said. I told him, "Since it's your head, you can put in anything you want. For example, because you are thankful for your family and your health, you can fill that room with your own thankful voice, if you wish." To his surprise Bill discovered he could do that quite easily. We rehearsed him in reviewing his thankful thoughts while driving home from work, so that he could greet his wife and children with joyful energy. After some rehearsal, he felt confident he had installed new voices in his head. Bill's wife called later to report she was enjoying a new, positive Bill; he had changed his attitude.
Ron Soderquist, http://www.westlakehypnosis.com/
I think it is pretty amazing that you can change a pervasive, life–long negative attitude in a few minutes, just by changing an internal voice — without extensive therapeutic time–traveling back to the traumatic origin of his voices.