She shook her head in earnest. “No, Henry,” she whispered. “I just didn’t know I would ever get to experience this with you. And I’ve never felt so…complete. I’ve never…” The words caught in her throat, and it was almost strange to him that Elizabeth, who always knew what to say to him, couldn’t speak.
“I know,” he said just as quietly, resting his forehead on hers. “Me either.” She kissed him, intertwining her leg with his. An unmeasured moment passed while he stared into her eyes and she into his, and the fear he once felt seemed like something from another life. With an unsteady swallow, he admitted, “I was afraid of you. More than I’ve ever been of anything.”
“Why?”
“Because the first time I looked into your eyes, I saw it. I saw that you were going to change everything for me. I’d never seen anyone so beautiful, Elizabeth, not ever. I wanted to prove myself wrong, wanted to prove you were like the rest. But…I never could, because you’re nothing like them.” He paused, attempting to hide the emotion in his voice, not so successfully. “And then it changed into fear of hurting you, and losing you. What if I woke up one morning and you weren’t here?”
Her eyes spoke what words couldn’t, her palm soft against his rough cheek.
“I still don’t understand how you can see me the way you do, and that will never change. I want you to know I will never think myself worthy of you.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he placed his thumb over her lips and continued, “But I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t want to.” He swallowed. “I need you. And though I don’t deserve it…I beg you to let me love you.” She pulled his face against hers. “I’m not proud of the things I’ve said, but…”
“Don’t,” she breathed, still holding the back of his neck.
He chuckled. “You won’t even let me get in a damn apology.”
“Because I know, Henry.”
“You know how much I’m in love with you?” His voice sounded small with emotion, even fear—different than the fear he’d felt in the past.
She nodded, knitting her brow. “Yes. And I love you. That’s all we need.”
Closing his eyes, he fought the stinging behind his lids, and he would never understand. But he would be thankful for it every day for the rest of his life—for her, and that she loved him. “I can’t hide anymore,” he whispered. “But you must know your life is in danger with me.”
“You’re trying to push me away again?”
He shook his head. “No. I just want to make sure you realize the risks, because the smart thing would be to walk away, and I would understand if you did.”
She appeared offended. “I could never walk away, especially now.”
Relief eased from his exhale. “Then you have me, and I’ll do all I can to make you happy. I’d do anything for you, Elizabeth, because you’re everything to me.” He swallowed. “But I want to make one thing clear.”
A question lifted her brow.
“I’ll always protect you, even when you don’t think you need it. I know you said you don’t want it, but…now that the saving each other is accomplished, I think the time for protecting is at hand. Do we have a deal?”
“As long as you’ll let me protect you.”
He laughed, just barely. “And just what would I need protecting from?”
“I don’t know yet.” She searched his eyes and her gravity made him swallow hard. “But you’re not the only one who’d do anything.”
Chapter 25
Elizabeth admired Henry’s abdomen, his diaphragm lifting with each breath. A contentment she’d never experienced settled over her as she lay atop him, skin to skin. It was late in the morning, the sun high through the blinds she’d opened an hour before. They were both hungry, she could tell from the growling of his stomach, but neither had suggested rising from her bed. He kept his sturdy arm around her and his lips in her hair, and by his measured inhalations, she guessed he was asleep.
She traced her fingers along the narrow trail of hair that led from his navel to the blanket’s edge, then moved them to the wound on his side. It was hardly a wound anymore though, looking weeks past the healing process. Very gently, she felt the smooth, light pink skin, puckered together, and she had to admit her sewing job two nights before hadn’t been half bad for a nursing school dropout under stress.
“Ouch,” he breathed, and the sound of his voice almost startled her. It’d been a long while since either of them had spoken.
Pulling her fingers away, she looked up at him. “I’m sorry, I thought it was better.”
He smiled, running his hand into her disheveled hair.
“Not funny.” But, God, that smile…
“I was never good at jokes, remember?” Still he smiled the smile that left a kernel of joy turning in her heart.
Looking at his scar again, she ran her thumb over it as gently as before. “Does it hurt?”
“I guess I’m worse at jokes than I thought.”
“Not this.” She met his eyes. “When you…change?”
Tightening his fingers in her hair, he pulled her closer. “I’m used to it.”
“I’d give anything to take away your pain, Henry.”
“You already have,” he barely whispered. “I mean it when I say I’ve never been this happy. Not ever. I didn’t know I was allowed to be.” She kissed him, and her desire spiked along with her emotions. Swim in this joy while you can, instinct told her. Before it’s too late.
***
Elizabeth had just tied her robe, ready to search her kitchen, when Regina called. It was the fourth time that day, and convincing Regina that she was all right—just taking the day off to relax—was a grueling task, especially because Henry’s lips attacked hers every time she spoke into the phone. But eventually Regina let it go with Elizabeth’s promise that she would be back to work in the morning, bright and early.
Elizabeth threw her phone on the table, glowering at Henry, who smiled as he kept his arms snugly around her. And she would never tire of that feeling, his arms being around her. “If you keep that up, we have no hope of keeping this secret.”
His eyes sobered. “Maybe I don’t want to keep this secret.”
She pulled back in surprise, wondering if a time would come when this side of him wouldn’t so pleasantly catch her off guard. With a smile, she matched his squeeze, securing her arms around his neck.
A gurgle broke the silence. Then a growl, emerging from his stomach.
“Ignore it,” he said with a subtle roll of the eyes.
“I have an idea,” she chuckled. “I prepared a whole sheet of almond tarts last night, and they’re just waiting in the fridge at Jean’s.”
“Dessert for dinner?”
When his mouth lowered, she lifted on her tiptoes to meet it. If Henry’s kisses alone could sustain her, she would live indefinitely.
“But…” He hesitated, and she sank at the reluctant tone in his voice. “At sunset, you’re coming back.”
She folded her arms.
The way his sigh came with measure and control said he was trying to exercise patience.
“If you’re staying out, so am I.”
“Elizabeth, she might still be out there. I don’t feel good about it, not until she’s gone.”
“She will never be gone, as long as you live.”
The weight in his eyes nearly crushed her, and she felt it in the same way he did. “I know,” was all he managed.
“I thought you didn’t want to hide.”
“I don’t. But you…”
“I’m not hiding from her.”
“Dammit, Elizabeth, she could kill you faster than I could save you!”
“So what do you propose then, Henry? I live the rest of my life hiding away?”