Hildie closed her eyes. “Yes. I think I do.” Trembling, she went back to the sink to do the dishes. Elizabeth got up quietly and went into the bedroom she shared with Bernie.
Later, lying in bed, listening to the night sounds, Hildemara cried.
Suddenly Bernie threw open her door. “Fire! Come on. I need help!”
Hildie grabbed her robe and ran. Elizabeth worked beside Bernie. The Martins, all six of them, and Mama in her nightgown, came with shovels. It took an hour, but they managed to beat out and smother the blaze that had started in the alfalfa field.
Mama tossed her long braid back over her shoulder and wiped soot on the front of her nightgown. “We need another dog.” Dash had died while Hildemara was in nursing school.
Bernie gave a cynical laugh. “Make that two, Mama.”
39
Trip called late one evening. Hildemara rejoiced at the sound of his voice. “I got your letter. I’ve only got a few minutes to talk. So listen. I want you safe. Go back to Colorado and live with my parents. They’d love to have you.”
She shouldn’t have told him about the fire or Jap lover painted in red on the barn wall. “I’m not turning my back on my friends. The Musashis are as American as you and I. They’ve been our neighbors for years. Mr. Musashi taught Papa how to prune the almond trees and vines. Papa fixed his well and his truck. I went to school with the Musashi girls. Bernie played football and basketball and-”
“Hildie…”
“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
Bernie laughed while sitting at the kitchen table with Elizabeth. “She’s beginning to sound like Mama.”
“Rocks through windows? A field on fire?” Trip sounded angry. “Sounds like you’re in a war zone.”
“Maybe we are, but it’s a different war than you’ll be fighting.” Tears sprang to her eyes. She tried to calm down. “Things will settle down. People have known us around here for years, Trip. Papa was well loved, even if he was German.” She couldn’t help the edge in her tone. “We’re sitting tight and keeping this place going. You take care of yourself.” She wiped tears away at the thought of what Trip would soon face. Fear had become a constant companion, robbing her of sleep, stealing her appetite. Other sorrows came to bear, as well. Elizabeth, for one. Hildemara struggled with disappointment and the sense of betrayal, for Bernie’s sake.
“I’ve got to go.”
Hildie heard voices in the background and knew a line had probably formed at the base telephone. “Trip!” Her voice broke. She didn’t want their last conversation to be an argument. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. Take care of our baby.”
She heard something in his voice. “You received orders, didn’t you?”
“We’re shipping out.”
“When?”
“Soon. If anything happens to me-”
“Don’t say it! Don’t you dare!”
“I love you, Hildie. Stay safe.” He hung up.
Hildie’s hand shook as she put the receiver back on its cradle. It struck like a blow to the heart that she might never hear Trip’s voice again.
Bernie looked at Hildemara over his cup of coffee before dawn the next morning. “You look awful. Do you have morning sickness, too?”
“I just can’t sleep for worrying.”
“Elizabeth doesn’t feel well enough to get up.” He stole a brief glance toward the bedroom door and looked straight at Hildie. “You two have words or something?”
“No. Why would we?”
He put his cup down carefully. “I know about the baby.”
“Oh, Bernie.” She put her hand over her mouth, wanting to sob at the look on his face.
“It’s my fault, you know.” He grimaced. “I found out after I married her I couldn’t give her children.” He looked at her again. “We’d been trying. Doc told me mumps can make a man… well, you know, not worth anything.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m a coward, Hildie. I didn’t have guts enough to tell Elizabeth the truth. I was afraid I’d lose her. I probably will anyway.”
She’d never seen her brother so despondent. “She says she loves you.” She put her hand over his. “I believe her.”
“It was Eddie.” His eyes filled. “He told me himself.”
Hildemara went hot. “Bragging?”
“No. Far from it. I knew something had been tearing him up inside. We went out for a couple of drinks before he left for basic training. He signed into the Marines. He had last-minute jitters. Wondered if he was brave enough. He got so drunk, he could hardly walk. When I dropped him off, he kept saying how sorry he was, how he wished I’d kill him, and then the Japs wouldn’t have to bother. When I asked him what in the blazes he was talking about, he told me.”
“He should’ve kept his big mouth shut!”
Bernie gave her a sad smile. “He’s been in love with Elizabeth since before we came to town. I’m the one who stole her from him, not the other way around.”
“That’s no excuse. Not for either one of them.”
Glaring at her, he rubbed his head, agitated. “Don’t judge her. Some people were giving her a hard time in town, saying I was a coward for not joining up, calling us Jap lovers and Mama a dirty Nazi. Eddie stepped in and told them to shut up and back off. He gave her a ride home. Only they didn’t come back right away. She was scared to death of what I might do when I found out. And he knew I’d head into town and have more than words with a few of those…” Bernie rubbed his face. “Anyway, they stopped at Grand Junction. He just wanted to calm her down before bringing her home. They started talking about old times, good times. She was still crying, shaken up. He held her, comforted her. That’s how it started, I guess. It just didn’t end there.”
Bernie’s face twisted, anguished. “I couldn’t hate him. Not even when he told me. What right have I got to throw stones at anyone?” His eyes filled. “He’s dead, you know. Got blown to bits on some piece of crap island in the South Pacific. He used to tell me he wanted to go to the beach. ‘Let’s go over to Santa Cruz,’ he’d say. Well, he died on a beach.”
Hildie put her face in her hands and sobbed. All she could think about was Trip on his way to Europe. She’d told herself over and over he was a medic. Thank God, he wasn’t a Marine. They wouldn’t put him in the front lines. He would follow, picking up the pieces.
Bernie gripped her shoulder. “Go gentle on my wife. She’s eating herself up with guilt. And I love her; I love her so much. As far as I’m concerned, that baby she’s carrying is mine.”
Hildie raised her head. “Maybe you should tell her.”
“Tell her what?”
“Everything.”
He shook his head. “She might leave me.”
She leaned over and cupped his face. “You haven’t left her.”
He pulled away and stood. “Two wrongs don’t make things right, Sis.”
“What good is love without trust?”
“What are you two talking about?” Elizabeth stood in the bedroom doorway, still in her nightgown, arms hugged around herself. She looked sick and frightened, pale and strained. She looked at Hildie and then Bernie, bereft. “Did you…?”
“Did she tell me the baby isn’t mine? No, sugar. She didn’t. I already knew.”
Elizabeth made a choking sound and stepped back, hands covering her face.
Bernie pulled a chair back. “Come and sit down with me. We need to talk.”
Hildie couldn’t bear the pain she saw in both their faces, the guilt and shame, the heartbreak. She got up. “I love you both.” She went outside.
Sitting in Mrs. Musashi’s chair out front, she watched the sunrise while Bernie and Elizabeth talked inside the house. No screaming, no shouting like Mama and Papa. The silence worried her and she stood, looking through the window. Elizabeth sat on Bernie’s lap, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. He held her firmly, stroking her back as both wept.