I’d never seen Sam look vulnerable before. Even now, though, there was still an air of strength about her. She was the last person I know who would need protecting, but she made me want to shield her from everything. She brought out this protective side of me that I hadn’t even known I had. I lightly kissed her hair and squeezed her even tighter.
The moment was shattered by the heavy knock on her apartment door. “Sam, it’s Max.”
Oh, great. Had I ever wanted to smash his face in as much as I did right now? I loosened my hold on her, expecting her to dash to greet him.
Sam sighed as she took a single step backwards. “I know he means well but I just can’t deal with him fussing right now.”
If she had any clue as to how happy I was to hear her say that she’d laugh her ass off. “Then don’t answer. He’ll get the idea.” I held her tight again. And again, there was no resistance from her. Max knocked again but, as I’d suggested, she ignored him. At that, he went away. Happy days.
“You’re good at hugging,” she said after a minute or so of silence.
I chuckled. “Thanks, I can’t say I’ve had much practice at it. You’re comfortable to hug.”
“You seem to like my hair as well.”
Subconsciously I had begun stroking her hair. In my defence, it’s so soft and beautiful. Like her. “Want me to stop?” She shook her head. So I didn’t stop. I combed through it with my fingers, enjoying the silky feel of it against my skin. I’ll swear she was close to purring. But then she squirmed a little, and I thought she was about to free herself. I was wrong. In fact, she was sliding her hands up my chest and reaching for the collar of my shirt. One button open. Another button open. And then there was the unbelievable feeling of her lips on my skin. Not kissing, just lingering there. That was enough to make me hitch in a breath. She kissed the spot beneath the hollow of my throat and I shuddered a little. Her lips then slowly began to work up the column of my throat, dabbing it with light kisses. She then gave it a little lick and exhaled heavily over the wet spot before scraping her teeth over it, causing me to quiver again. My downstairs department rose to attention.
I’m not much of a person for ethics and morals when it comes to sex, but a feeling struck me just then that had me questioning whether I wanted this now. It wasn’t so much me that she wanted; it was comfort that she was looking for right now, and I didn’t want us sleeping together to be about that. Voicing this view, however, was proving to be a struggle seen as I was sort of caught up in the sensation of her lips and tongue and teeth on my skin. Then she grinded against me. Not helpful.
As such, all that came out was: “Sam, you have to stop.” I can’t say that I sounded all that convincing, especially seen as I was clutching her close to me.
“Why?” she murmured against my neck. “You want me.” As if to emphasise her point, she grinded against my raging erection again, and a low moan escaped me.
Her lips worked their way around my entire neck, her tongue lightly flicking out each time, her teeth nibbling. There wasn’t one part of it that she didn’t kiss. Christ, I had to make her stop now. I was too close to thinking ‘comfort sex it is’.
“Sam, really, you need to stop.” Again there wasn’t much force behind my words, and considering that I had one hand tangled in her hair while the other was cupping her ass, she wasn’t likely to take much notice of me.
“Why?” her husky voice said into my ear before she kissed the hollow beneath it while grinding against me again, harder this time.
“If I kiss you I won’t stop.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
I want you, you’ve no idea how much, but I don’t want it to be about comforting you. Can you honestly say that you would’ve kissed me like this tonight if it hadn’t been for what happened with that guy out there?
Her lips left my skin and I felt her release a small sigh. As she stepped out of my arms she gave me a half-smile. “Fair enough.” At that she slowly headed to her bedroom. “Good night,” she said quietly over her shoulder.
It took every ounce of my self-will not to follow her into that room and into that bed. God, why am I being such a fucking girl? If she wanted to use me, she could use me, what was so bad about that? The end result would be the same whether it was tonight or another night: sex. And yet it was oddly important to me that she wanted to sleep with me for no other reason than that she wanted me; it wouldn’t have felt balanced if it was any different.
Since when did I care about things being balanced?
This whole thing was too weird.
I was stood staring at the closed door of her bedroom with my hands slapped against the sides of my head, releasing sigh after sigh after sigh after sigh. Occasionally I’d step toward the door only to then take a step back. I couldn’t help thinking about how she was in there, in bed – naked? – and finally willing to sleep with me. Seriously what the hell was I doing out here?
But then, like a smack to the face, the importance of her wanting me just for me, not comfort, hit home. True, this wasn’t like me. True, being used for sex was never a problem for me before. But, for whatever reason, it mattered to me now with this woman. So, with a strength I honestly had no idea that I had, I ignored the protesting coming from the bulge in my pants and teleported to my own room.
Chapter Ten
(Sam)
Alright, so I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about leaving my apartment. I’d cursed the setting sun as I rose and dressed. I had no doubt that news had spread of my duelling with Clark and that people would be putting two and two together to theorise what it was all about, and they’d definitely be coming up with five. I wasn’t sure what would bother me more; leaving people to believe rumours that aren’t true, or explaining the entire truth which was something personal to me. I’d already explained it to Jared but I knew he wouldn’t go blabbing about it.
God, Jared.
I wasn’t really eager to see him either. I’d spent God knows how long insisting I didn’t want him that badly, and then I’d gone and tried to seduce him...? I mean, seriously, I was turning into my own worst enemy. I blame him. It was the hug that did me in. I’d relaxed against him and then suddenly I’d felt...well. Engulfed by warmth. Sheltered. His arms had become this kind of refuge. No one had ever held me like that before; so securely, so comfortingly, so possessively. Then after a few minutes, even in spite of everything else I was feeling, there was a thirst for something more, a violent throb of desire low in my stomach.
Thinking about everything as a whole as I made my way to the Command Centre, I had to wonder if he had rejected me to make things even between us, to get his own back. It just didn’t make sense that he would care what had made me want to have sex with him. He was a bloke, a woman-obsessed bloke, and he spent most of any time we were together doing that glaring thing and suggesting we have sex. And blokes say that women are confusing!
Regardless of his rejection, I wasn’t embarrassed by my behaviour. I would have been if I hadn’t known he wanted me and the whole seduction thing had been a gamble, but it was obvious that neither of us walked away satisfied. No way would I blush or act all weird when I saw him; he’d love that. I refuse to allow Jared to reduce me to a nervous, rambling blusher. If it wasn’t for my raging hormones, he probably wouldn’t have much of an effect on me anyway.