“Over my dead body.”
“So you keep reminding me. Just please be careful. The reward is considerable, and these are desperate times. Perhaps consider lying low for a bit.”
“You know I can’t. Come in,” I call when there’s a knock at the door.
The only man in the house bigger than me enters and comes directly to the middle of the room. I’ve considered sharing my injections with Carter because together, we’d make a powerful duo. But I’ve never truly entertained the thought. “Carter,” I say with a nod. “What happened?”
“There’s no excuse.”
“You have one job. Secure the premises. Nobody comes, nobody goes, without my permission. How the fuck did the girl walk right off the property? And on top of that,” I glance up at Norman, “she’s gone for hours without anyone noticing?”
“This is a big property, sir. I could use a second pair of eyes.”
“I’ve told you before, there’s no one else. As it is, too many people know too much. Everyone on this staff is paid handsomely for their services and their discretion.” I pause, gritting my teeth as Norman makes his incision, slicing the scalpel deeply and quickly. “I can’t bring anyone else on board without knowing their allegiances are impenetrable.”
“You’re right. It won’t happen again.”
I push myself out of the chair with some effort.
“Sir, your wound—”
The burning in my shoulder is acute, but I ignore Norman and walk to meet Carter so we’re standing face to face. “When I hired you, you were at the top of your field. Is that no longer the case?”
“No, sir.”
“Because replacing you is a project I don’t have time to take on. And you know too much for me to just let you go. Understand?”
He swallows but holds my gaze. “Yes, sir.”
“If I can’t trust you, we have a problem.”
“You can, sir.”
“Don’t let this happen again. You’re dismissed.”
I turn my back to him and by the time I’m reseated, he’s gone. I grip the arms of the chair as Norman tears the skin open wider to extract the bullets.
35
I’m much calmer by dinner, and maybe even slightly remorseful for snapping at Cataline earlier. I find her in the dining room, seated and patiently waiting per Norman’s instructions. “Good evening,” I say.
She glances up from her lap. Her bottom lip is between her teeth, but then she smiles. “Good evening.”
I take my spot at the head of the table and gesture next to me. “You can sit here tonight.”
Her eyes dart between the chair and me. “Really?”
I sigh. “Do I need to repeat myself?”
She stands slowly.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, noting her limp.
“Better.”
Once she’s beside me, Norman arrives to recite the evening’s meal. She watches him with the same attention somebody would give a blockbuster show while her hands remain folded in her lap. When he finishes, dishes are set in front of us and wine is poured.
As I eat, I notice Cataline seems distant, her eyes far off, and her lips curled at the edges as though she meant to smile but forgot. She looks open, innocent, and beautiful, and I can’t resist. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.”
I attempt to hide my surprise. “What about me?”
“I was thinking about the first time I saw you at the office. You looked so serious, but also very . . . handsome.”
I grin. “You thought I was hot.”
She laughs and pushes my shoulder. I’m thankful my pain is completely gone, because I like when she does that. “Yes, I thought you were hot.” She sets down her fork soundlessly, and her smile falters. “I still do, Calvin.”
I inhale deeply and shake my head. “That’s a dangerous admission.”
“I know.”
“Last night you ran without a second thought.”
“It was instinct. I didn’t think. I just ran.” She cocks her head. “Does that surprise you?”
“I’ve given you whatever you ask for.”
“I thought I’d trade anything for my freedom. When you came for me last night, I was terrified of returning here, of what you’d do to me. But I was also relieved. I didn’t realize until that moment how frightened I was that I’d never see you again.”
I set my elbows on the table and look her directly in the eyes. “Cataline . . .”
“I can’t explain it,” she continues. “Sometimes I hate you, but last night, in my bed, I felt . . .” She pauses, seemingly searching for the right word. Finally, she says, “I wanted you there.”
Even as I shake my head, my resolve wavers. “I’m not good for you.”
“You don’t think I know that?”
“I need to stay away, and you need to stay out of my way.”
“What if that’s not what I want?”
“What are you asking me?”
“I don’t know,” she says. “Last night, being with you felt right. And this morning when you left, I wished you’d come back. Neither feeling has left me all day.”
“Fuck, Cataline. Don’t say that shit to me.”
“You’re the one who started this.”
“I know. I made a mistake.” Her face mars, because she thinks I mean fucking her was a mistake. In actuality, I’m starting to see that my mistake was bringing her here in the first place. “You don’t understand how badly I can hurt you. You’re innocent and delicate, and I’m not. You saw what I did to those men. You know deep down what I’m capable of.”
“Have I broken yet?”
My eyebrows shoot up, and we stare at each other until I find the words to respond. “I don’t know. I’m too close to see what damage I’ve done.”
She pouts with a full bottom lip. “So that’s it? You just aren’t going to touch me anymore?”
I have to close my eyes when she says “touch me.” It’s almost more than I can handle. “I think I’ve made it painfully clear that I can’t stay away.”
“Are you saying that if I don’t, you won’t?”
My fingers curl into a fist on the table. “You don’t understand—”
“Then make me understand.”
“I can’t,” I say. “Stop asking me for answers.”
She looks at her lap and shakes her head, her hair falling around her face. I want to wrap that hair around my fist and pull it until she begs for mercy. She looks wild, as though something might come out if she shakes hard enough. When she looks at me again, it’s with big eyes. Somehow, innocence remains there, even after everything I’ve done.
If I were a better man, I’d be gone by now. Something has always intertwined me with Cataline, but now I’m beyond the point where I can disentangle myself. I’ve felt her writhing underneath me, seen her look at me the way she is now, like she’s waiting for instruction. I like that look. It makes me feel like I own a small piece of her.
She rises, and I think she’s going to leave, but she inches toward my chair instead. She lowers herself into my lap, and her eyes scan my face rapidly. She reaches up with slow, tentative fingers and slides my glasses off.
“I didn’t want this,” she says. Her knuckles touch my cheek, and she runs them down my skin until opening her hand to cup my face. “But I no longer know who I am. I think . . . you’re what I want now.”
“Then it has to be with the understanding that I’m hiding things from you. Things that involve you, things that you will never learn. Things that mean the difference between your life and your death.”
“Okay,” she whispers too quickly.
I turn my mouth to kiss her palm. My hand wraps around her wrist, and I hold her there. With her eyes on mine, she bends her head and presses her lips to my knuckles before running the tip of her tongue over them. I extend my index finger, and her hot mouth closes over it, sucking up to the knuckle. She draws back, swirling her tongue over the tip, and her saliva leaves a shimmering trail on my finger. Her pink lips suck and tease me, making my cock hard for her mouth.