A soft knock sounds from the door. The knob turns and Levi stands there, watching me with pity in his eyes. He looks as helpless as I feel. “You okay?” he asks.
I want to throw him one of my typical witty comebacks about being just fucking dandy, but I can’t open my mouth. I know if I try to speak, another round of gagging is going to commence.
I nod in his direction. He opens the cabinet on the far side of the bathroom and wets a washcloth. He brings it over and gently places it on the back of my neck, before he starts rubbing my back. I am the luckiest girl on Earth. I swear.
I grab the washcloth and wipe my face and mouth, before tossing it to the side. I stand on shaky feet, and head for the sink to scrub the vomit from my mouth for the gazillionth time this weekend. In the bedroom, I hear the alarm sounding on my phone, screeching through the quiet of my penthouse.
“What the hell is that?” Levi listens, and follows the noise until he finds my iPhone laying on the floor next to my bed. He holds it up, reading the screen. “Birth control alarm?” He smirks, but panic starts coursing through my veins.
Holy fucking shit. It can’t fucking be. There is no fucking way. Please God! Fucking no!
I start to mentally count back to the last period I had. Two, three, four, five… Oh shit. No. This isn’t fucking good at all. London. Time change. Same fucking alarm time. Pills at the wrong time. Not the same time every damn day like I have religiously managed for as long as I can remember. I fucked up so fucking bad.
It’s like my worst nightmare coming true. Just days ago, I was thinking about how lucky Star is, always having someone who will love her, and want her, and now I find myself in the same fucking position. All I want to do is run to the closest abortion clinic I can find.
There is no fucking way in the world I can tell Levi. By the look on his face, I don’t need to tell him; he already knows. My face shows the sheer panic; looking up in the mirror, I’m pale as hell.
“Seven, are you okay?”
My eyes grow wide with panic. I can’t look him in the eye. He walks across the room, handing me my phone. His arms wrap around me, and he holds me tight. I bury my face into his chest and start crying. Not crying because I’m angry, or upset. I’m crying because I have no idea what I am going to do.
“It’s okay, Seven,” he whispers into my ear while he rubs my back. “It is okay. I am not going anywhere.”
“London. It happened in London, Levi. The time change screwed my pills up. I took them at the wrong time. I fucked up.” I get the words out in between my sobs. “I am so sorry.”
Two hours and a box of pregnancy tests later, it’s confirmed. I’m pregnant. Levi knocked me up and I have no idea what the fuck I am going to do. My initial thought is to book an appointment at the local abortion clinic, and make sure this never happens again. Ever. I might as well book an appointment to have my tubes tied as well.
Levi’s words break my thoughts. “Seven? What do you want to do?”
The question is so innocent, but it’s so fucking loaded. I don’t even know how to answer it, because I never thought I’d find myself in a situation like this. Hell, all the sex I’ve had over the years. Not only have I been on top of my trusty birth control pill, but I never, ever, didn’t use a condom. Until Levi. Does this fucking guy have super sperm or is my luck just that fucking bad?
I pause, my mind racing, but I don’t answer his question. How do you tell a man you are trying to repair your broken relationship with that the only option in your mind is to run, not walk, to an abortion clinic, and kill your baby? Yup, nothing unexpected. I am just fucked up like that.
“Levi, I…” A single tear rolls down my cheek, which he quickly brushes away with his finger.
“I want an abortion.” The words sting. They feel like poison coming out of my mouth, but that isn’t even the worst part of it. The look on Levi’s face is enough to send me to my grave. My heart is broken, again. I have hurt him, again. I can’t help but hurt him over and over. He would be so much better off without me.
He pulls me tight against his body, rubbing his hand along my back.
“Seven.” I can hear the words he wants to say choked back in his throat. He is going to cry, and if he does, I will completely lose the last bit of calm I have. “Are you… sure?”
I want to say no, I want to say that I am not sure. I wish I could just accept it, and be happy like any other woman would be. But we all know I am just fucked up beyond your average woman.
“No, I am not sure, Levi. What do you want?”
That came out of left field. I shouldn’t care what he wants, but I do. I shouldn’t want that happily ever after with him. But I do. I shouldn’t want kids and marriage and all that foo foo bullshit. But I do. I fucking want it all. I want everything I never had a single desire for. But it isn’t until Levi opens his mouth and answers me that I make my decision.
“Seven, I can’t make you do anything. If you want to have an abortion, that is your choice. And I will support you. I will support you in anything you do, because I love you.” He loves me? “But I can’t say I want you to have an abortion, because I don’t. I want you. I want a baby with you. I want you in my life forever.”
He pauses, and squeezes me tighter against his body, before he nervously runs his ringers through his now messy hair. “The very thought of you pregnant, with my baby, does something to me. God, Seven. It turns me on. Thinking about you with that sexy round belly, full with my baby.”
I feel his hard cock pressing against my ass as he cradles me in his arms. His words shouldn’t change my mind, but they do. A few minutes ago, an abortion was the only option in my mind, and now, the possibility of a happily ever after is right in front of my face. I want to jump and take it. I want to grab the American Dream by the horns and make it my bitch.
The reality of it all, though, is that I need a couple days to think about it. I can’t make such a life changing choice in only a few minutes. I need to talk to Star. I need to let it settle. The businesswoman in me rears her ugly head, and I know a decision so big can’t be made with hasty choices, because Levi and I still don’t know each other. It’s new. It may not work out. And if it doesn’t, I don’t want our lives to play out like an episode of Jerry Springer.
“Levi? What if it doesn’t work out? With us?” Since when have I become so open with communication? Maybe this is just a new and improved Seven. The Seven that has been begging to come out since she was an unwanted little girl.
“I can’t tell the future, Seven. I’m not going to pretend like everything is going to be sunshine and kittens, because life sucks sometimes. I figured that out these past weeks when I was forced to live without you. But one thing I can tell you is that I don’t want a life without you. I don’t want to even think about it. Sure, this is unplanned. Sure, most couples get a long time together before a child comes into the world. But this is the card we have been handed. This is our love story. Who are we to question fate?”
Fate.
Is this our fate?
With the shock and nausea behind me, I’m starting to feel somewhat better by bedtime. Levi ran out to the corner store and stocked up on Saltine crackers and ginger ale. They’re the only two things that I can keep down. Well, for short periods of time anyway.