I nodded then lay my head back. I felt hot tears stream down my cheeks. My whole world had shifted out from under me in a single moment. I looked from Lulach to Crearwy then closed my eyes.
“Farewell,” I whispered, hoping that if Gillacoemgain’s spirit lingered nearby, he would hear.
Chapter 25
I spent the next few days recovering, mindful that I needed to return as soon as possible. If my vision was true, I needed to be ready. I had not meant to, but I’d fallen in love with Gillacoemgain. The idea that he was gone broke my heart. As Gillacoemgain’s wife, I was able to forget that Duncan was truly my children’s father. I could pretend. It was easy to play the part. With Gillacoemgain, I was the Lady of Moray. I was not a priestess or Boudicca or one of the Wyrd Sisters. My druid husband had not abandoned me. I was a woman loved by a man. And I, in turn, had loved my husband. It was a dream I’d slowly grown attached to, and now, it seemed, that dream was gone. Tears slid slowly down my cheeks, and I mourned the man I believed to be dead, and with him, my future. Now, I would have to face the truth. I was responsible, once more, for my vengeance. I was alone. And now, I had two small children who would rely on me to protect them like only the raven could.
One morning, I woke to cries. Lulach slept soundly while Crearwy called. I lifted her and began to nurse her. How different they were. Lulach was a very peaceful child. Crearwy, on the other hand, seemed to fuss at everything. Once she was eating, however, she turned peaceful. How sweet she looked, her dark hair curling around her tiny ears. I gently stroked her head, my eyes drifting closed once more. I was awoken a moment later when Epona entered.
“Sorry to wake you,” she whispered, sitting down at the edge of the bed. She gazed at Crearwy, took a deep breath, then said, “We must talk.”
“Is something wrong?”
Epona frowned, a worried expression on her face. “I…I had Uald fetch a wet nurse.”
“You’ve brought an outsider here?” I stared at her.
She nodded.
“But there is no need. I can handle both of the children. It is tiring, but I can do it. Once I return, I’ll have my maid to help me.”
Epona was silent for a long time.
“What is it?”
“The future of this coven is of great importance to me. The old ways are dying out. Each year fewer and fewer young girls learn the ancient arts. Something must be done. I must ensure our way of life continues. I…I was given a vision. My successor must be someone who has been raised here from birth, someone trained in the old ways from a young age. That is the only way. The Mother herself revealed this to me. Crearwy…Crearwy is meant to succeed me, to take my place as Lady here. I have seen the future. It is destined.”
“Crearwy?” I looked down at the child.
Epona nodded. “The night you told me what happened, the night you conceived your little ones, I saw a vision of your daughter here with us.”
“Then you have brought the nurse, not to help me, but so I can leave Crearwy here.”
“Yes.”
“What if I don’t want to leave Crearwy here?”
Epona was silent.
“Epona!”
“Cerridwen, Crearwy must remain here. The highland blood in your veins is full of magic. We will need your—and Crearwy’s—help in order for the religion to survive. I know what I say is true. If you doubt me, ask Andraste. She knows what will be.”
“You want me to give up my daughter?” I whispered.
“No. I want you to leave her in my care. Leave her here and Uald, Sid, and all the others will be her mother. We will love her and raise her and train her to be the next leader of this coven. She will grow up away from court life.”
“I…but Epona, she’s my daughter.”
“Yes. And you can choose to free her of the obligations that have chained you. You can leave her to a life in service of the divine.”
I stared at Epona.
“I…I know what I ask of you seems impossible. Let me leave you to think on it.”
Epona rose and left me to my thoughts.
I looked down at Crearwy. The tiny baby cooed as she ate. She was pretty, pretty as any baby could be. As she ate, she opened and closed her tiny hands. I loved her with my whole heart. I loved her and Lulach more than I had ever loved anyone or anything.
Epona was asking for something I could not give. I could not give my daughter up to be raised by another, could I? But could I give her up to get her away from the intrigues of court? When Malcolm died, Duncan would rule over her fate. I couldn’t stand the thought. I could offer her a better life than the one I’d been given. What was I to do? I could ask Andraste. If anyone knew what was destined, it was her. The Wyrds. It was Andraste’s job to know. But she riddled. No, I would not ask Andraste. I would wait and go to the source.
That night, as the children slept under Sid’s watchful care, I went outside. The winter wind whipped coldly. I went to the well and rested my head on the cold stones. I had planned to do a casting, to call the raven and seek the answers from the dark goddesses, but I was too tired. It would have to wait. I rose to go back inside but found Bride coming toward me.
“What do you need? I can fetch it for you,” I called, concerned to find her in the chilly night air.
The wind blew her hood back and revealed a face that did not belong to Bride. The Crone. “Such a kind heart,” she said.
I bowed my head. “Lady.”
“You are right that Andraste riddles, and too much depends on the truth. Leave Crearwy with Epona. She is right. Crearwy is her successor. The women of your line belong to the Goddess. The men belong to the world,” the Crone said then turned to leave.
“What else doesn’t Andraste tell me?” I called against the wind.
“A woman who calls back the Goddess of Death,” the Crone said with a laugh. “For your courage, I will answer you. While Epona has waited for Crearwy, Andraste has waited for you.”
“For me?”
“As her successor.”
“But how?”
The sound of a door swinging open caught both my and the Goddess’ attention. Bride. Clutching her wrap, Bride stepped outside.
“Heard my voice, did you? Not yet,” the Crone told Bride and then walked into the darkness where she disappeared.
Bride and I exchanged glances. Bride shook her head then went back inside. I headed back into Sid’s house. Sid was dozing peacefully in a chair by the fire.
I sat down on the side of the bed and stared at my children. I was the one Andraste waited for. But how was that possible? I couldn’t return to Ynes Verleath now. I had to return to the courtly life. If Gillacoemgain was truly gone, so much would be in upheaval. Lulach and Crearwy were the heirs of Moray. I had an obligation to them. I would need to fight to protect what belonged to them.
I sighed deeply, not wanting to think of it. Lulach woke then. I picked the child up and rocked him. “Lulach for the world,” I whispered as the tiny baby blinked, straining to look at me. “I guess we shall see.”
Madelaine came the next morning with breakfast. “Do you know what’s going on?” she asked Sid and me, setting a tray on the table beside me. “Uald is frustrated. Epona is sullen. And there is a stranger here. No one will tell me anything.”
“The stranger…she’s a wet nurse,” I answered.
“A wet nurse? For you? Did you ask for one?”
I shook my head.
“Then why did Epona bring her here?”