My heart full of joy, I finally relaxed and drifted off into dreams.
Chapter 17
I woke the next morning to the feeling of someone playing with my hair. I opened my eyes to find Crearwy sitting up in bed working on a braid.
“Mother, what happened to your hair?”
“I cut it.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted to honor the Morrigu before I went into battle.”
“Did you go into battle?”
“Yes.”
“And did you kill many people?”
“A fair few.”
She nodded. “And did you win?”
“Yes.”
“So, now you’re Queen of Scotland?”
“I am.”
“Does that make me a princess?”
It did if anyone knew she existed. “Yes.”
“Well, your hair is too short to braid properly.”
I chuckled. “You sound like my maids.”
“You have maids?”
“Yes, Tira and Rhona. And there is also Morag, who looks after Lulach and Lord Banquo’s son, Fleance.”
“How funny. You have women looking after you like you’re a child.”
“Well…” I began, but then I realized she was right. It was rather ridiculous.
The black puppy, roused by the sound of voices, appeared. She jumped on the bed with us.
Crearwy giggled. “Now, Beauty,” she chided the dog. “Behave.”
“Beauty? That’s what you’ve named her?”
Crearwy nodded. “She thinks she’s the one who is a princess.”
I patted Beauty on her head. “Well, Thora always did think herself important. No wonder her daughter would be the same.”
“Thora? Your dog? Sid told me this puppy was a gift from you, but I wasn’t sure if I should believe her.”
“Always believe Sid.”
Crearwy flexed her brow as she thought about my words. “Druanne looks at Sid like she’s a mad woman.”
“That’s because, for all of Druanne’s wisdom, she cannot see the Otherworld. Sid is not mad.”
“No. I didn’t think so. But I do think she likes to play tricks…for fun.”
“Well, that I can believe.”
“Crearwy?” Epona called from the other room. “Who are you talking to?”
“My mother.”
There was a pause, and I heard the bed creak. A moment later, Epona appeared in the doorway.
“Cerridwen?”
I sat up and looked at Epona. She and Andraste could have been sisters. “Oh, Epona.”
She chuckled lightly. “Yes, I’m sure I’m quite the shock. What are you doing here?”
“Madelaine and I were planning to come, but Tavis is gravely ill. Druanne and Uald have gone to Madelaine’s keep.”
Epona nodded. “Oh. Yes. Well…she will miss him terribly,” she said absently then turned and headed back into the main room. “I’ll make the breakfast.”
I looked at Crearwy who didn’t seem a bit disturbed by Epona’s odd behavior.
“Let me go help,” I said then kissed Crearwy on the forehead.
“All right. I’ll go feed the animals since Uald is gone,” Crearwy said.
“You know how?”
She laughed as though I’d asked a silly question. “Of course.”
“Don’t forget to put on your cloak.”
“Mother.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. They were right. She was every bit as sharp around the edges as they said.
Pushing my hair back, Crearwy’s half-braid falling out, I went to the main room and started banking up the fire.
Moving slowly, Epona began setting out the dishes. “Now, there is Crearwy and me, Juno, Tully, Aridmis, Cerridwen, and…and…and Flidas. I will set a place for Sid. She will come back to see Cerridwen,” she whispered to herself as she worked.
“And May?” I asked.
“May? No. She left a year or so ago.”
“Where did she go?”
“Somewhere west. We had a girl here for a short time, a promising acolyte, daughter of a clan chieftain, but she left. May went with her. Crearwy was grown enough, and May wanted to start a new life.”
“She just…left?”
“Not like that. We all supported her.”
“But how did Crearwy take it?”
“She cried a bit, but all things change,” Epona said.
I frowned. No doubt Crearwy had suffered from the loss. I hated the idea that she’d grieved, and I had not known, had not been here to comfort her.
Once the fire was burning steadily, I opened Epona’s cupboard and had a look. The rations were paltry.
“Epona, do you want me to ask Madelaine to send some supplies?”
“Yes. Yes, that would be fine. Ask Madelaine to get some things for us,” she said then went to the bin where she used to keep the bread. It was empty. Epona gazed at the empty container as if she was confused.
I pulled out some oats and honey. Digging through Epona’s stores, I found a few fresh eggs. I got to work mixing up the batter for breakfast cakes while Epona set out cups.
“Why are you here, Cerridwen?” Epona asked.
“As I said, I came to see Crearwy. But with Tavis ill, I had to fetch Druanne. Unfortunately, that also means I must return very soon. Madelaine will need me.
“And why else?”
I sighed softly. “Epona, I need your guidance.”
“About what?”
“A seer told me I am with child.”
Epona’s gaze narrowed. She looked at my stomach. “And are you with child?”
“I believe so. My courses have not come. And I do feel the quickening in my womb.”
“Macbeth’s or Banquo’s child?”
“Banquo’s, of course. What should I do?”
Epona stared at me, her eyes looking misty. She sighed. “I’m sorry, Cerridwen. I cannot say. The sight has left me.”
Her words struck me to my core. “But Epona, Crearwy is far too young to be the leader of this coven. Why have you let go so soon? Crearwy is not ready.”
“I was letting go a little at a time. And then one morning, I woke up and my magic was gone,” she said, opening her hands.
“Gone?”
“Just like that. No visions. No glamour. No anything. Now there is only my mind and my hands. They will have to be enough to serve me in the days ahead.”
“But what will we do?”
“Uald is ready to lead this place until Crearwy is of age. The others know the way.”
“I love Uald, but she is not like you. The gods don’t speak to her as they speak to you.”
Epona laughed. There was bitterness in her voice that I’d never heard before. “The gods don’t speak to me anymore. As for your unborn child, I don’t know. And I am sorry for it. I never saw you with another child in my visions.”
“Epona, I have something else to ask.”
“Hmm?”
“The night I came here after…after what happened. You saw that I would bear two children. But did you see, clearly and for certain, that Duncan was their father? Please. Try to remember.”
Epona sat down. She tapped her fingers on the table as she looked into the fire. “That night was so strange. Full of omens. Before you returned, the skies raged. Wolves howled. The owls and ravens shrieked. But the vision…” she said, squinting as she looked into the flames. “I saw two children. Clearly. And I knew that your daughter would come here. She had to. I saw Crearwy grow in this place. I saw her make things right for us again. I saw you carrying twins.”
“But then? Right then? Was I with child at that moment?”
“At that moment…”
“Epona, I did as you advised me. I took Gillacoemgain to bed at once. Crearwy looks so much like Gillacoemgain’s sister. And Lulach’s smile… Is it possible the visions you had—the visions I had—were confused? Deluded? Is it possible that Lulach and Crearwy really are Gillacoemgain’s children?”