Removing my robe and setting aside the lantern, I knocked on Ute’s door.
“My lady,” Ute said in surprise.
“I’ll take Lulach, now,” I said. I reached down and gently picked took Lulach from the cradle Ute kept in her room. “Goodnight.”
Ute motioned like she would say something but stopped herself.
Holding Lulach against my chest, I headed back to my own chamber. Thora followed along behind us. I lay Lulach, who was sleeping, in his cradle. I then turned and pulled all the new linens off my freshly-made bed. I bundled the new blankets into a heap then, unlocking the balcony door, went outside and threw the blankets off the balcony. A stiff winter wind tugged at the rich draping, pulling the linens away and into the darkness.
In a tree by the river, silhouetted by the moon, I saw a raven perched on the top branch. It cawed loudly.
My hands shook. Embarrassment, rage, and frustration rolled over me. I felt overwhelmed.
I glanced once more at the landscape. Moonbeams shone down on the countryside. The river’s waters shimmered silver in the moonlight. I turned to head back inside but stopped when I saw a figure standing by the water.
The shade of Gillacoemgain stood at the water’s edge.
In his specter form, he lifted a hand in greeting, but the expression on his face was pained.
“Gillacoemgain,” I whispered.
He turned then disappeared back into the otherworld.
I went back inside. Dropping down on the bare straw, my tears came readily. I wept and wept, my poor soul awash with confused feelings. Thora crept up on the bed beside me, whimpered, then lay her head on my back. Overwhelmed, I cried myself to sleep. Only the soft sound of Lulach’s cries woke me late into the night.
Otherwise, I was utterly alone.
Chapter 12
It was late the next morning when I woke. Lulach was wide-awake in his crib, gurgling and kicking his legs. The fire in my hearth had been rebuilt. Someone had laid a blanket on me during the night. Ute, I assumed.
I felt hollow. My head hurt. When I sat up, I realized blood had stained the collar and shoulder of my nightgown. Had I had another episode? I thought I’d fallen asleep, but maybe… I couldn’t remember.
I rose, picked up my baby, and sat in the chair by the fire.
I held Lulach, gazing lovingly down at him.
“Sweet baby,” I cooed at him, and much to my surprise, he smiled, a dimple forming on his left cheek.
I laughed and planted a kiss on his forehead.
“My lady?” Ute called from the other side of the door.
“Come.”
Keeping her eyes low, she cast a glance at the bed. Without another word, she opened a trunk and pulled out some blankets and quickly set to work remaking the bed.
“Most of the lords and ladies returned home this morning. Lord Macbeth went out on a hunt,” she said, her words seeming to linger at the end.
I said nothing.
“Is there anything you need, my lady? Did you have any plans?”
“No. I’ll stay in my chambers with Lulach today. Have my meals sent here.”
“Yes, my lady.”
After her work was done, Ute disappeared.
Both my head and heart felt heavy. I spent the day playing with Lulach or dozing by the fire. Late in the evening, I opened my trunk and pulled out Uald’s Gift, the dagger Gillacoemgain had given me, and my whetstone. I sat sharpening my weapons.
I didn’t know what my marriage to Macbeth was. Whatever it was, it looked nothing like my marriage to Gillacoemgain. It was time to stop worrying about it, and do what I was told.
It was time to start training.
* * *
Four days passed. While I heard Macbeth’s voice in the castle, he had not come to see me. Frustrated, embarrassed, and annoyed, I stayed in my chambers. It was late in the afternoon on the fifth day when I finally heard a knock on the chamber door. My heart clamped at the idea it was Macbeth. Shame and confusion washed over me.
Tepidly, I answered the door.
It was Banquo.
“Merry met,” he said, handing me a package. From the overly cheerful tone in his voice, I could tell he was trying to be okay.
“What’s this?”
“A gift.”
I motioned for him to come in.
Thora rose and went to him, wagging her tail and pawing at his leg. He knelt to pet her. “Bad girl,” he told her. “You bored to death inside these walls? Want to come out to the woods and run wild with me?”
“Yes,” I answered for both of us.
Banquo chucked. “Open it,” he told me, motioning to the package.
I undid the small bundle. Within, I found fresh mistletoe. The bright green leaves smelled of the forest. I inhaled their perfume deeply.
I should have run away with Banquo.
“Thank you,” I whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened.
“Cerridwen? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. So, tell me where you were.”
Banquo smiled then sat down on the floor by the fire, tousling Thora’s ears as she nipped at his bootlaces. “There is a ring of stones about a day’s ride from here, a grove of oaks along with it. Like Inverness, it is a thin place. The stones are marked with Pictish designs. Even ravens,” he said, reaching out to touch the torcs on my wrists. “It’s a quiet place. And the further north you go, the wilder it is. In Moray, how was it?”
“Many keep to the old faith there as well. I hope to see your ring one day,” I told him.
Banquo grinned. “When you’re ready, I’ll show you how to get from here to there,” he said with a snap. “The castle and the stones are connected by a line of old magic that rumbles beneath the ground. It runs between all thin places.”
“Thin places,” I repeated, looking toward the balcony. The specter image of Gillacoemgain came to my mind once more. I shook the image away. “I need your help with something.”
Banquo smiled at me. “Of course.” Again, I saw the effort behind the smile, the effort to be okay, the effort not to think about whatever he had imagined.
“Uald and I used to spar. I need to train. In fact, I have been told to train.”
At that, Banquo paused. “Told? By whom.”
“Someone who should be obeyed.”
“Why? I mean, why train now?”
I considered whether or not it was wise to share the words of the bloody goddess. Well, she called me willful for a reason. “Blood is coming.”
At that, Banquo stiffened. “When?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then I guess we’d better start training.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow… Cerridwen, are you well?”
“Well enough.”
Banquo frowned but asked no more, much to my great relief.
I smiled at him, more glad that he was back than I could ever say.
* * *
Banquo and I had an old hall cleared, and I began to train. Archery targets, daggerboards, and a mass of weapons were collected. I didn’t mention the training to Macbeth, not because I wanted to keep it a secret, but because I hadn’t seen him at all. When I went to his chamber, he was either sleeping or out. I wasn’t sure if he was avoiding me or just busy.
Given the distance he’d put between us, I was surprised when he arrived one day when Banquo and I were in the midst of a duel. Dressed in a man’s breeches and a leather jerkin, I was bathed in sweat as Banquo and I fought vigorously. We were testing shields. Though Banquo was much stronger than I was, he allowed me to have at him for as long as I could manage it. I was clearly out of practice, but I was determined to improve.