Now it was she who set the terms, guiding him through the days that followed as a friend and nurse, but with no hint of a lover, and had the satisfaction of seeing him relax and allow himself to be cared for. It hurt to see him so docile and unlike his old vibrant, cocky self, but it helped her take charge, which she was determined to do.
Now she was sleeping in the Nurses’ Home, she could slip in to see him at night, staying with him in the semi-darkness, sometimes talking, sometimes silent. It was on one of these nights that she told him about Sylvia and Helen.
‘Did that man ever marry her?’ he asked.
‘No, he couldn’t get a divorce. In fact, I went to the street where they’d been living and spoke to some of the neighbours who’d survived the bombing, and they seemed to think he was planning to go back to his wife.’
‘Poor Sylvia,’ he said huskily. ‘She deserved better. Did you ever see the baby?’
‘Yes, he was in her arms when we buried them. She had nothing left to live for. I still find it hard to take in. When we were children she was so glorious, she was like queen of the world. She was going to have everything; we all thought so.’
Mark didn’t answer directly but he looked sad, and she wondered what memories were troubling him now. But she would never ask. After a while, she bid him goodnight and crept away.
He’d been lucky in that the third-degree burns were on the front of his body where the fire had exploded. The seat had partly protected his back until he’d managed to fight his way out and collapse, which was good, Dee thought thankfully, because if his back had been in the same appalling state as his front he could never have lain down.
His chest was a mass of dark red blisters which she would anoint gently, trying not to hurt him, although she knew that there would be a certain amount of nerve damage that would save him from some of the pain. Sometimes Mr Royce would come in and stand watching before inviting her outside to discuss the case.
‘He’s doing well,’ he told her. ‘But there’s only so far that his condition can improve. An Air Force doctor will be coming to see him soon.’
‘They’re not trying to get him back?’ she asked, scandalised.
‘Quite the reverse. I think they’ll judge him unfit to return to the Force in any capacity.’
‘Thank God!’ she said fervently.
He regarded her for a moment. ‘It matters that much?’ he asked at last.
‘I hate patching them up so that they can go and get killed,’ she said defensively. ‘At least he’s one that will live.’
He was giving her a look she didn’t understand and she escaped quickly back into Mark’s room. She found him lying still, with a shadow in his eyes.
‘When shall I congratulate you?’ he asked.
‘What do you mean? I’m not due for promotion for ages.’
‘You’re due for promotion to Mrs Royce, very soon.’
‘Will you stop talking nonsense?’
‘I know what I see. That man’s in love with you.’
‘Nonsense! He’s a kind person who’s gone out of his way to help me.’
But then she remembered Mr Royce’s strange look a moment ago, the trouble he’d always taken to discover news of Mark. Did he do this for everyone? How could there be time? And if it was just for her-why?
‘He must be twenty years older than me,’ she protested. ‘More.’
‘So what? He’s strong, mature, settled. He can offer you a position in the world. You were made to be a successful man’s wife. He’s in love with you.’
‘You’re making fun of me. You couldn’t possibly tell.’
‘I can, easily. When a man gets that look in his eyes, it means just one thing.’
‘It’s not like you to be fanciful.’
‘It wasn’t,’ he sighed. ‘But maybe it is now. What is “like me”, Dee? You tell me, because I don’t know any more. At night I lie here and listen to the things in my head, and I don’t know what to make of them. Nothing is the way I thought. Everything is different, but I don’t know what it all means. Can’t you tell me?’
‘My dear,’ she said gently, ‘how can I tell you when I’ve never been there, seen the things you’ve seen-?’
‘Done the things I’ve done,’ he finished for her. ‘You’re right. It must remain a mystery, more to me than anyone. But-’ he assumed a cheerful air, as though forcing himself to rally ‘-I won’t let you distract me from Mr Royce. Any day now, he’ll propose, mark my words.’
‘Will you stop talking nonsense, please?’ she asked crisply. ‘I want to finish your dressing.’
‘But you-’
‘Keep still and keep quiet,’ she said, with a sharpness rare in her.
He did so, but continued to study her curiously. She finished the job and departed as soon as she could.
Deny it as she might, she was left with the uncomfortable feeling that Mark had seen something that had entirely escaped her. And the next time she talked with Mr Royce she felt uneasy, wondering what he was thinking. When their meeting ended she began to walk away, then looked back to say something and found him still watching her with an unguarded look.
The Air Force doctor made two visits and examined Mark thoroughly, especially his damaged hand. The verdict came by letter two days later.
‘Invalided out,’ Mark groaned, showing her the letter in disgust. ‘Useless!’
He tried to flex his hand, whose limited movement had proved his undoing, more than the burns to his chest.
‘You’d have had a hard time controlling a plane with that,’ Dee said. ‘They had to do this. At least they’ll allow you something to live on.’
‘A pension, you mean,’ he said in disgust. ‘That says all that needs to be said. I’m a pensioner.’
It was Joe who cheered him up slightly. He’d paid several visits, and the next day he dropped in again.
‘I hate to admit it,’ he said, glancing over the letter, ‘but this is good news for me. I haven’t been able to find a decent replacement for you in the garage. They’re either useless or they leave. But now you can come back, and I’ll be glad to have you. We can put you up in the house, so you won’t have a journey to work.’
‘But I’ll be useless, too,’ Mark said, holding up his damaged hand.
‘You won’t have to fly a plane with that, just rework the movements so that you can do them differently. Lucky it’s your left hand.’
‘Joe, I can’t take charity.’
‘It’s not charity. You’d be doing me a favour. That house is empty without Sylvia and Helen. It echoes something horrible. But if you’re there, it’ll be more cheerful.’
Mark was still uncertain, fearful of being pitied but eager for the chance to work. Dee slipped out, leaving them to it. When she met up with Joe later, he was triumphant.
‘I told him you’d be there sometimes to keep an eye on him, so they might let him out of this place sooner. That did it. He’s going potty in here.’
‘You’re a cunning schemer,’ she told him lovingly.
‘That’s what your mum used to say, just like you said it. I told you once before-you have to know what you want and go for it.’
‘And you think you know what I want?’
‘Actually, love, I was thinking more of what I want. That house really is lonely, so a couple of grandchildren would suit me down to the ground, just as soon as you can get round to it.’
‘Dad! You’re shameless.’
‘Got to be. No time to waste. There’s a war on. Hadn’t you heard?’
Chuckling to himself, he fled her wrath.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MR ROYCE was understanding. ‘Your father’s right. It’ll help him to go home and live a more normal life, and you can look after him. I don’t suppose you’ll be sleeping here any more?’
‘No, I’ll be spending my nights at home now,’ she said.