As though he’d been hanging on only to hear that, Billy’s eyes closed and his breathing faded to nothing as he fell asleep for the last time.
‘Billy,’ Dee pleaded. ‘Billy, please-just one more minute.’
But he was heavy in her arms and there was nothing to do but lay him quietly on the floor while sobs shook her and Mark took gentle hold of her.
‘We were lucky he lived so long,’ he said huskily. ‘Remember how he nearly hurled himself under my bike?’
‘Yes, but for you swerving we’d have lost him long ago. Oh, Billy, Billy!’
Mark held her close, resting his head against hers. She could feel him trembling and for a moment she wondered if he, too, was weeping, having loved the old dog so much. Then he seemed to have a coughing fit and turned hurriedly away.
‘Thank you for waiting for me,’ she said brokenly. ‘I couldn’t have borne not to say goodbye to him.’
‘Neither could I. Joe said his goodbye before he went out to training, then Billy and I had an hour together. I kept promising him you’d be home in time, but I was becoming afraid you wouldn’t. I’m so glad.’
He drew her closer still, for now she was weeping without restraint.
‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to-’
‘Cry all you want,’ he said gently. ‘He earned it, didn’t he?’
‘Yes, he did. He was my best friend. I’m going to miss him so much.’
‘You’ve got me. Of course, I know I’m no substitute for Billy-’
That made her smile, even through her tears. It felt so good to be here with Mark, taking comfort from his kindness, feeling close in a way that was rare. Their shared passion had brought them close but in a different way, one that lacked the sweet contentment that pervaded her now. If only it could always be like this. If only she didn’t have to tell him something that would change everything, either for better or for worse. But not yet. For the moment, she would treasure the feeling of being at one with him.
The sound of the clock striking made them draw apart, surprised at how much time had passed.
‘I’ll take Billy outside,’ he said, ‘and we’ll bury him tomorrow, when it’s light.’
He carried the dog out to the shed. As they returned, he said, ‘The house is going to be very quiet without him charging around.’
‘Not as quiet as all that,’ she murmured. ‘Mark, I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘Yes? What?’
Absorbed in her thoughts, she missed the hint of eagerness in his voice.
‘Well…after the way we’ve spent the last few weeks…how often we’ve been together in your room or mine…’
‘Dee, will you please come to the point?’ he asked tensely.
‘I’m pregnant.’
She waited for shock, dismay, she wasn’t sure what, but all she saw in his face was frowning concentration.
‘It’s very soon,’ he said. ‘How can you be sure?’
‘Most women couldn’t, but I’m a nurse, so-’
‘Of course, you’d know. Dee, I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry?’ she faltered.
‘I took advantage of your kindness. I should have behaved better, but…well, it’s done now and…’
‘And what?’ she asked, almost fearful.
‘You once joked that we’d have to get married. How do you feel about it now?’
‘Mark, for pity’s sake! Is that a proposal?’
‘I suppose it had better be. If you think you can stand being married to a bad character. I warn you, I’m no catch.’
‘Well, I’ve always known that,’ she said, exasperated almost beyond endurance. ‘I’ll just have to put up with you, won’t I?’
‘It’s a deal.’
Then there was a pause, during which neither of them knew what to say.
‘I can hear Joe coming home.’ Mark sounded relieved. ‘We’d better go and tell him.’
‘Yes, let’s.’
That was their betrothal.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THEY married a month later in the church where the others were buried. Joe, bursting with pride and triumph, gave the bride away, and afterwards Dee laid her bouquet of buttercups on her mother’s grave.
A few of Mark’s comrades from the Air Force were guests at the tiny reception held at home. These days, there were constant air offensives, taking the battle to the enemy, and hope for victory was daily growing.
Dee fell into conversation with Harry, a pleasant man who’d been a good friend of Mark’s and was his best man today.
‘Dashed if I ever thought Mark would find a woman who could tolerate him,’ he confided, laughing.
‘I come from a family whose women are renowned for being long-suffering,’ she assured him in the same tone.
‘Good for you! I say, look at that.’ He pointed to a small toy high on a shelf. It was the Mad Bruin, brought out to enjoy the occasion.
‘Mark won it for me at a funfair,’ she said.
‘It’s very like his, except that his had a frilly skirt.’
‘You’ve seen his?’ she asked, startled.
‘I used to. Not recently of course, because it went down with his plane.’
‘Mark took it with him when he flew into battle?’ she asked, scarcely able to breathe.
‘Yes, but don’t tell him I told you that. He smuggled it in secret and none of us were supposed to know, but I think it was his good luck charm, and it really did seem as though he had a charmed life. But in the end they got him, too.’
Someone called him and he turned away, leaving her free to think. Now she was a mass of confusion. Mark had treasured her gift so much that he’d taken it with him while he’d risked his life, and had continued to do so even after she’d broken their engagement. That knowledge caused a glow of happiness to go through her.
But he’d concealed it from her. So many times he could have told her; when they became engaged, when they were making love. Yet he’d chosen not to, showing that there was still a distance between them. Emotionally, he still hadn’t turned to her as much as she’d hoped.
And had their encounters really been love-making? On her side, yes, but on his? Hadn’t he yielded to desire because he needed to know whether his skills as a lover had survived? And hadn’t he married her because, although not exactly what he wanted, it was the best option now available in a devastated life?
But surely she’d always known this? She, too, was settling for what she could get because anything was better than life without him. She would be his wife and the mother of his children. He would never be romantically ‘in love’ with her. It was too late for that. But his affection would deepen and they would grow close.
She must simply hope for that.
But she refused to be discouraged. She had once promised to love him to the end, no matter what happened, and it was time to keep that promise.
She was taking a risk but it was one she had to take, otherwise her vow of love was meaningless. True love meant keeping on even when the actual emotion was hard to feel.
‘Hey, where are you? Dee?’
It was Mark, looking unbelievably handsome, just as she’d once dreamed he would look on their wedding day.
‘What’s the idea of wandering off alone?’ he chided. ‘They’re ready for the speeches.’
‘I’m coming.’
‘You’re all right, aren’t you?’ He looked worriedly into her face.
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she said brightly.
‘Not sorry you married me?’
‘Of course not.’
‘No regrets? Sure about that?’
She touched his face. ‘I’ll never regret marrying you, as long as I live. Now, let’s go and join the others.’
The rest of the reception went splendidly. There were toasts and speeches, cheers and laughter. That night they made love gently, then lay contentedly together. It was a happiness she’d once thought she would never know.
But she had dreamed of how, on their wedding night, she could finally tell him that she was deeply, passionately, romantically in love with him. Now she knew that she couldn’t do it. She would have to wait longer for the right moment. It might be years in coming. Or it might never come.