If that’s the case, I said, then I want to file a complaint. That man has been wandering around outside our house and bothering people for five months already, and now he has the nerve to …
No one is going to file a complaint against Nissan!!! We heard a voice shouting from the kitchen, and Avram came out with a bread knife in his right hand. I warned you, miss!!! he barked at me with murder in his eyes, I warned you not to do it!!! The two patrolmen jumped between me and Avram. I was so scared that I took a step back. Gina tried to calm him down, she put a hand on his shoulder. He pushed it away, put the knife on his Adam’s apple and said in the voice of a guy selling ice lollies on the beach, I’m cutting! I’m cutting!
In the name of Allah, say something to him, Gina begged Saddiq, you’re the only one he’ll listen to.
Saddiq hesitated for a minute, shot a quick look at the policemen and got off the ladder. Ya abba, he said and walked over to Avram, put the knife down. We don’t settle things with knives in our family. That’s not what you taught us. Avram looked at him, stunned, and then broke like a vase. He fell on to Saddiq’s shoulder with a heartbreaking scream: did you see? Did you see how he called me father? I told you he’s my Nissan. And you didn’t believe it, you didn’t believe me! Saddiq hugged him back with one hand, and with the other he gently took the knife from him and handed it to the midget. But the gesture scared the midget, who jumped back, whipped out his gun, fired a shot at the ceiling and then aimed at Saddiq.
That was the first time I’d ever heard a shot. I didn’t know how much it hurt your ears.
Why are you shooting? Saddiq yelled in panic and threw the knife on the floor, I wanted to give it to you, sir, just give it to you!
Plaster fell from the ceiling into the midget’s eyes. These contact lenses, he hissed to himself, why the hell did I buy them? and tried to take out a stubborn speck that had lodged under his lashes. One of the patrolmen went over to him, and while the midget pulled his lower lid down, he blew gently into his eye. They seem so good at it that they must have done it before. Thank you very much, Zabiti, the midget said, blinking. Sir, Zabiti said in an intimate tone that suited the moment they had just had together, I think, sir, that you’re making too much of a big deal out of what happened here, sir. Oh really, the midget said nastily, and what exactly do you suggest? We all tensed up waiting to hear what Zabiti, who had a tiny little scar on his forehead, would say. I think, sir, that we just have to arrest this Arab and figure out what to pin on him later. Why take risks, sir?
The midget nodded and Saddiq grabbed the ladder. Yes, the midget chuckled to himself and pulled the handcuffs off his belt, if the worst comes to the worst, we can charge him with interfering with an officer in the performance of his duty. Sure. Didn’t he interfere with us taking our lunch break? Wait a minute, Avram shouted and stood in front of the ladder. What do you think you’re doing? No one is taking my Nissan. That’s enough, sir, the midget said and signalled for his assistants to get into the act, that’s enough. Zabiti and his buddy walked up to Avram and each took one of his arms and dragged him to the side. Zabiti’s scar was blazing in the middle of his forehead as if it had suddenly come to life. Don’t hurt him, Gina cried, he’s an old man. If anything happens to him, I threatened, we’ll file a complaint against you, do you hear me? Avram kicked the air for a minute, then gave up and stopped moving, but he kept on yelling: Help! Help! They’re taking my Nissan! The midget ignored him and went over to Saddiq. Saddiq, an older man with soft eyes, made no sign that he was going to fight, and the midget was about to handcuff him when all of a sudden, the television crew came in.
In seconds they’d all burst into the room like locusts: a cameraman, a lighting man, a reporter wearing a tie and a man who was holding a big furry microphone. I couldn’t work out where they’d come from, but then I remembered: the community station has this hotline. If you give them a story that gets on the air, they give you a fifty-shekel coupon for the shopping centre. Someone must have heard the shot and called them.
Ladies and gentlemen, the tie started talking to the camera, and all the people in the room shut up, out of respect for the occasion. Ladies and gentlemen, drama at high noon. Our neighbourhood, which went through a difficult time a few months ago when it lost one of its sons in Lebanon, is back in the headlines tonight with gunfire in a private home, apparently related to terrorist activity. All the details are not yet known, but we are trying to find out now: what happened? Why were shots fired? Is this incident related to the recent suicide bombings? This is Sharon Dadon, Mevasseret On the Air. We’ll be right back with the latest updates.
The cameraman turned the camera on the midget. The tie told the microphone man to start recording right away, what was he waiting for. The microphone man looked down and pressed whatever button he pressed. The tie looked into the camera and said: we’re here with the highest-ranking police officer in the field. What details can you add, sir?
The midget cleared his throat twice and smoothed down a couple of rebellious eyebrow hairs: Unfortunately … he said with his chest puffed out self-importantly, but then he stopped talking and rubbed his chin. Avram was standing very close to Gina, as if the demon inside him was also afraid of the cameras. Saddiq kept on banging the wall with his chisel, trying to attract attention to himself.
I ran my fingers through my hair and thought about how when Moshe comes home at night, I’ll tell him about all of this and he won’t believe me. Not a single word.
Meanwhile, the midget tried to get started again: Unfortunately, he said, for obvious reasons, I am prevented from saying any more about this incident. All I can say is that the police will do everything it can to wrap up this case quickly while looking out for the interests of the public.
But even so, sir, the reporter persisted, perhaps you could shed a little light on what happened here during the last hour. Is there any truth to the rumour that shots were fired? Was anyone injured?
No comment, the midget answered authoritatively, and in order to stress that he meant it, he closed his eyes and repeated: no comment.
I can tell you what happened here, sir, Saddiq said suddenly from the top of the ladder.
The cameraman moved quickly towards him, bumped into the sofa and swore in English. The lighting man, the man with the microphone and the reporter followed him and stood around the ladder. Then perhaps you’ll tell us, the reporter said, how everything started?