Later, she walks into the house and Amir is reading and taking notes. She hovers around him for a while, thinking: should I tell him or not? She decides not to, what for? It’ll just make things even more tense than before. But as she turns to go to the shower, he looks up and asks: hey lover, did something happen at the café? And she thinks: it’s amazing how well he knows me. Then she says, no, everything’s OK. He looks at her for another minute and says, with some surprise in his voice: if you’re hungry, there are some stuffed peppers you can heat. Sima had lots left over from Shabbat, and brought some over for us to eat.
*
No thank-yous, please. Come in! I tell Noa. But she hands me the Tupperware box and says, no, I have work to do. She turns around to go, and then, as if two different women were arguing inside her the whole time, she suddenly says, you know what? Why not?
I close the door behind her and lead her to the living room. So, how were my stuffed peppers? She puts her hand on her chest and says, oh, they were fantastic. I can still taste them. Thanks, I say with a smile, picking up Lilach and putting her on my lap. I don’t know why, but I suddenly wanted to feel her close to me. I’ll give you the recipe if you want, I tell Noa, and she gives a little laugh, thanks, but I have no time to cook. Lately, my life is … I run around all day. I hardly have time to breathe.
You’re right, we really haven’t seen each other in a while, we haven’t talked, I say. Lilach wriggles out of my arms and reaches a hand out to Noa. Noa gives her a finger and Lilach closes her little fist around it.
I missed you, I say, and Noa laughs in embarrassment then leans over and gives Lilach a kiss on the cheek. I missed our conversations, I say and sound to myself like a pest.
Me too, Noa says, and even though she’s looking into my eyes, I don’t believe her. I think that for her other people are the sauce, not the main dish.
So tell me, were all of Moshe’s brothers here for Shabbat? she asks.
How do you know? I ask, a little surprised. Does she listen to us through the hole?
What do you mean how? she says with a laugh. From all those peppers!
Yes, I say and let out a breath, there were almost twenty people here for dinner. They all came to celebrate Grandpa Avram’s recovery.
So that’s it, he’s completely recovered? No more demons?
Mafish, Finished. The doctors say that his brain managed to get over what happened to it and that he’s functioning perfectly normally now. But don’t forget, they’re the ones who promised that his operation wasn’t dangerous.
That’s doctors for you. Actually, they’re always guessing. Sometimes they get it right and sometimes they don’t.
Yeah, I know.
That brother of Moshe’s, Noa says, softening her voice a little, was he here on Shabbat, the one called … Menachem?
Very nice of her to remember the name, I think, and say: yes, of course he was.
How is it between you two now? she asks. You can hear in her voice that she’s trying to sound more interested than she really is. But it’s nice of her to even try.
I think he’s afraid, I say, after all that happened with the kindergarten, because you wouldn’t believe how careful he is with me.
So you won, Noa says.
Only for the time being, I say. After Passover, kindergarten registration starts for next year and I bet you a million pounds that it starts all over again. That Menachem is a stubborn mule. And Moshe keeps going to rallies and coming home with his eyes all lit up and saying Sima, come with me just once. Sima, would it hurt to try? No, it looks as if this is just something I’ll have to live with. Like in Ashkelon, when we lived near the central bus station. At first, the noise of the buses drives you crazy. Then you don’t hear it any more. Menachem and Moshe will keep trying to make Liron grow sidelocks and I’ll keep trying to protect him. And her too, I say, pointing to Lilach. Tell me, sweetie, do you want to wear long denim skirts when you grow up?
Lilach, who already knows how to recognise the sound of a question, actually nodded her head as if to say yes.
What do you mean, yes? I pretend to scold her and say to Noa, that’s just the way I am. I can be the nicest person in the world, but when it comes to my children, I’m a tiger.
I can understand that, Noa said, nodding.
She can’t, I think. Not really. There’s a thick wall, a concrete wall between people who have children and people who don’t. What about you and Amir? I ask, and the minute I say his name, I remember that I dreamed about him again yesterday. I went over to get their monthly rent and she wasn’t there. He said they didn’t have any money and asked if he could pay me in a different way. I pretended not to understand and asked, what way? He bent over and gave me a kiss, a gentle kiss on the lips, and I said, that could be a problem, and all of a sudden I didn’t have any clothes on. But before we could touch, I heard Lilach crying and I couldn’t work out where the crying was coming from because I didn’t see her. I looked for her in the dream and when I couldn’t find her, I got scared and woke up. Then I realised she really was crying because her dummy had fallen out.
What about me and Amir, Noa repeats my question without a question mark and then is quiet.
Yes, I push her and remember the big fight I heard through the wall.
She wants to say something, but she’s hesitating. You can tell from the way she’s staring at her shoes and the way her knee starts jigging up and down. Tell me, Sima, she finally says, does it sometimes happen, I mean, did it ever happen, I mean do you sometimes think about other men, I mean, other than Moshe?
My heart drops into my trousers and slides down into my socks like a coin. How does she know? I didn’t tell anyone about my dream, not even Mirit, so how did she find out? Do they teach her at Bezalel to photograph people’s thoughts? That’s scary. I knew there was something strange about that girl. I told Moshe right from the start. Allah yistur. God help me. How do I answer her?
Why do you ask? I look her right in the eye. Like they say, the best defence is a good offence.
No, because … she mumbles, embarrassed, accusing, and I’m almost tempted to confess, to get down on my knees and say I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I don’t know what came over me. I have hormonal problems, maybe that had something to do with it. Or maybe it’s because it’s spring, with all the allergies, but I promise you, Noa, you have nothing to worry about …
But then she starts to talk. No, listen, it’s just that in the café some guy came on to me, and I usually brush them off. I tell them I have a boyfriend and go on about my business, I mean, yeah, it’s nice, but nothing more, and yesterday, I don’t know, he asked if we could go out, and my heart whispered, yes. A second before my mind kicked in, my heart whispered yes, do you understand? Of course, in the end, I said no, but I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.