"What are you doing?" she asked, watching as I continued to dress.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting dressed so I can leave," I told her as I buttoned my jeans and buckled my belt. She scrambled to sit up on the bed and stared at me with confusion in her big, blue eyes.
"You're not staying?
"No. There's only one woman that I would stay for and you've already fucked that up for me."
"Is this because of Jinx's cunt sister?" She snarled.
"Don't you fucking call her that!” I exclaimed, clenching my fists at my side. I'd never in my life hit a woman, although I wanted nothing more in that moment for what she called Honesty, but I was not that much of an asshole, even while I was fucked up. I walked out the door without another word, headed back down to the hotel bar, and slid into one of the vacant booths. I nodded to the bartender and the next thing I knew; I was drinking Jack straight from the bottle.
What the fuck did I just do?
Court was right when he told me that I was spiraling out of control. I was not only spiraling, I was on a freight train headed straight to hell. I was no longer in control. The coke was controlling me now. When I first snorted a line, I felt like I was in heaven. I felt alive, like nothing could touch me, but the high was short lived. It took more and more to keep me up now a days. What I once considered my heaven was quickly turning into my hell. I knew what I needed to do, I was just not sure that I could do it.
I spent the last couple of hours in the hotel bar. It was five in the morning and our driver had pulled our bus close to the back entrance of the hotel. Since I hadn’t slept all night, I headed to the bus in hopes of being the first one on so that I could slip into one of the bunks and pass out. No such luck. When I stepped onto the bus, Jinx was sitting on the sofa, facing the door. He seemed to be pissed off about something, and the way he was eyeing me, I knew it had something to do with me.
"I can't believe you spent the night with Tegan," he grinds out through clenched teeth. "I hope she was worth it." He stood and moved close to my face so that we were standing nose to nose. "You might be a friend, but I should kick your ass. Because that's what you deserve."
"You don't know shit!" I shouted. How did he even know that I went to her room last night? Was the fucker following me?
"I don't believe you, Linc. The drugs and alcohol have changed you, man. I don't know who you are anymore, but I do know that you're not good enough for my sister."
He was right about that!
"Stay away from her or you'll wish you had," he warned, narrowing his eyes on me and shaking his head. He had the look of disgust on his face, as he should. I was disgusted with myself and everything that I had become. I just prayed that Honesty didn’t find out that I was with Tegan last night; it would kill her. I should have never left the bar with her. I walked to the back of the bus and tossed my duffle bag into one of the lower compartments and climbed into one of the bunks. I heard the sounds of the bus door opening and closing, telling me that the others were loading up and we would be pulling out soon, heading for Iowa. When I heard the sound of the bedroom door closing in the back of the bus, I knew that she was on board, and even if she didn’t want to talk to me, I found some comfort in knowing that she was in the next room. I closed my heavy eyes and let sleep pull me in.
Honesty
The bus rolled to a stop, along with Sweet Misery's in front of the Hilton in Des Moines. The weather was cooler there this time of year. I was thankful that I had remembered to pack some long sleeves. Court got off the bus first and headed to the counter to check in and collect our room keys. I grabbed my suitcase and stepped off the bus, coming face to face with Linc. He looked like death and it made me wonder what exactly he did last night, because from the looks of him, he hadn’t slept. He had dark circles under his light brown eyes and his cheeks looked sunken in. His hair looked like he had run his fingers through it multiple times.
"Are you okay?" I asked him, but he didn’t speak. Instead, he turned and walked toward the entrance of the hotel. It didn’t escape me that Tegan was hot on his heels, as she followed him into the hotel lobby. I was not sure what was going on, but I did know that it was not good. I had never seen him like that and that worried me. I was still angry about what happened at the venue in Chicago, but that didn’t mean that I wished him harm. I did care about him.
"Here are your room keys," Court said, passing out the small hotel envelopes containing key cards. "Why don't we meet in the bar and grill here in the hotel in two hours. We can go over the schedule while we have dinner," he said.
We all agreed and made our way over to the elevator. The ride up to the fifteenth floor was quiet. We were all on the same floor once again. Even Sweet Misery was on the same floor as us. Sometimes I wish Court would scatter the rooms throughout the hotel. I knew it was easier to get us all together if we were staying on the same floor, but while we were on the same floor, I risked the chance of seeing the groupies coming and going from the guys’ rooms. I'd rather not know. I tossed my suitcase onto the chair sitting in front of the window and did a face plant on the bed. I never dreamed that travelling on a bus could be so tiresome, but it was. Between the constant road noise and swaying of the bus, it was hard to fall asleep sometimes, and then there were the guys. They drank too much, farted too often, and argued too loud most of the time. I would like nothing more than a good night’s sleep for once. I was unsure of how long I lay there, face down on the bed, but the sound of someone knocking on the door woke me from my nap. I peeked through the peephole to find Tegan, from Sweet Misery, standing outside my door.
What the fuck?
I didn’t know whether to open it or just pretend that I was not there, but when she knocked again, a little harder this time, I decided to open the door.
"What do you want, Tegan?" I asked her. I tried to block the entrance to my room, but I failed. She pushed her way past me with a smug look on her over painted face and stopped just inside my room. I didn’t bother closing the door. I held it open, wanting to get whatever this was over with so she could get out of my room. "What do you want, Tegan?" I asked her again. She flipped her black hair over her shoulder and placed her hands on her thick hips.
"I just wanted to make sure you knew that Linc and I are together," she said, as her full lips curled at the corners. I would have loved nothing more than to throat punch her right now, but the pain in my heart was the only thing I could focus on at the moment. I tried to keep my expression blank, but after the next words out of her mouth, it took everything in me not to fall apart. "He's had a thing for me for months now, and since we were together last night…Well, I thought you should know," she said, and the look on her face told me that she was enjoying my discomfort very much. I took a step back and opened the door up even wider.
"You need to leave," I told her. I wanted to slap her, scream at her, tell her that I knew he didn’t want her, but after everything that had happened over the last couple of days, I didn’t know anything. Once she disappeared behind the door, I gave in to my emotions.
I cried and cried until there were no more tears left. I didn’t see the guys again until the next evening, when it was time to leave for the venue. Since I was not part of the band, I had spent the last day and a half in my room, in bed. I still couldn’t get Tegan's words out of my head. "We're together."