When I arrived at the venue, the guys were standing backstage getting ready to take the stage once Sweet Misery's last song was over. The guys were gathered around Court as he discussed something with them. Linc had his back to me and I couldn’t help but let my eyes trail over his broad shoulders and the tattoo that covered his right arm and disappeared underneath the sleeve of his shirt. I remembered tracing that tattoo with my fingertips not long ago. I knew exactly where that tattoo began and ended. My stomach knotted at the thought of Tegan touching it, seeing his naked body.
I hung back among the road crew and tried to blend in. I was not ready to face Linc yet, and I certainly was not ready for the questions that I knew my brother was going to throw at me. Once Sweet Misery finished their last song, they exited the stage and Tegan went straight to Linc and wrapped her arms around his neck. My stomach coiled and I felt the urge to be sick. I wasn’t even sure why I was punishing myself by being there. She whispered something in his ear and his body tensed, but he didn’t say anything. She smiled and batted her lashes before looking over his shoulder at me, like she had some big secret.
The guys took the stage and the sound of the crowd cheering was almost deafening. I positioned myself in a dark corner on the opposite side of the stage from where Linc was standing. I couldn’t even see him from where I stood unless I took a step forward, and if I did, I would risk him seeing me, so I stayed hid behind the black curtain. The crowd was much like all the others. Women in the crowd practically stepped all over each other with the hopes of getting close enough to capture the attention of one of the guys. As my eyes scanned the crowd, a movement from the opposite side of the stage caught my attention. Tegan and Courtney were dancing behind the black curtain, just off the stage, and out of the sight of the crowd. She caught me looking and her dance became more seductive. I knew she was trying to get under my skin, and at the same time she was doing it to gain Linc's attention.
Bitch. That's it. I'm out of here.
I should have listened to that little voice in the back of my head when it said, "Stay in your room. Don't go." My head was spinning and I felt the urge to throw up by the time I made it back to my room. I stripped off my clothes and left them where they fell before climbing into bed and pulling the cover up over my head. I didn’t belong there. I knew my brother wanted me with him. He felt the need to take care of his baby sister, but I didn’t need anyone to take care of me. I was a grown woman and I could make my own decisions. After rolling it over in my brain several times, my mind was made up. I was going back to Park Ridge. I should have never quit school to begin with. It was a stupid move on my part, but I had learned a hard lesson by making the mistakes that I had made over the past few weeks. I could get a part time job and live with a friend until I could get on my feet. Feeling exhausted, I closed my eyes with the plans of talking to my brother the next day.
********
"Jinx, I need to talk to you about something," I said to my brother, who was sitting on the edge of my bed in my hotel room. "Please wait until I finish before you say anything. When I finish, you can yell at me all you want, but please hear me out," I told him, as he sat and watched me, silently waiting for me to speak. "You were right," I said, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. "You were right about everything. I should have stayed in Park Ridge. I should have stayed in school, and I should never have got mixed up with Linc. I know he's with Tegan, and I'm fine with that. We were just having fun and now the fun is over," I told him. He opened his mouth to speak, but I held my hand up to stop him. "Just let me finish. I'm leaving for Park Ridge in a couple of hours. I've already spoken with Trudy and she's going to let me rent out her spare room. I'm going to get a job and eventually go back to school and finish what I started," I finish saying, as he stood from the bed and closed the distance between us.
"I'm proud of you, but I'm going to pay for an apartment for you," he said, and placed a kiss on my forehead. "You're growing up, and I can see that now. I'm sorry for all the grief I've given you lately. Well, except where Linc is concerned, but I guess you needed to make your own mistakes, and I can respect that. But, I'm still kicking his ass! I told him from the get go that you were off limits and he promised me that he'd leave you alone,” he said, pausing for a moment.
"No! Please just let it go. This is my fault. I pursued him. He warned me and I didn't listen. It's not his fault, and no, you're not paying for a place to stay for me. This is another part of me growing up," I said, and he smiled.
"Honesty, Linc has some serious issues with drugs, and as far as Tegan goes, that's not my story to tell; it's his. It's not that he's a bad guy, because he's not really. He just lets the drugs do the talking most of the time, and unfortunately, he has made some bad choices. I'm afraid those bad choices are going to cost him his career, or even worse, his life one day," he explained, sighing heavily. "Enough about Linc, I'll have a limo take you to the airport when you're ready," he told me, and wrapped me in his arms for a hug before turning and walking out the door.
Linc
Des Moines, IA.
She's gone. Those two little words nearly brought me to my knees when Jinx informed us at practice today that Honesty had left, gone back to Park Ridge without a word. Not that she owed me an explanation. Hell, she didn't owe me shit after the way I treated her. I could tell by the look on Jinx's face that he blamed me for her leaving. Shit, I knew I was to blame. I should have admitted my feelings for her, but instead, I once again let the coke take over. Every fucked up thing I had ever done had been the end result of my using, but the using was the only thing that kept the demons away. I didn’t have to relive the past while I was in the haze of the present. For me, that was the only way.
After practice, I went back to my room with a hole in my heart and hell-bent on getting fucked up before that evening’s show. At that point, I didn’t want to feel anything but high. I was a fuck up and this time I fucked up royally. I pulled the small zippered bag from my duffle bag and spread the contents out on the table in front of the window. After preparing two lines of coke, I snorted it through a rolled up hundred dollar bill before shoving it all back into the green duffle. I threw my head back and shouted, "Yes" as the rush of the cocaine flooded my system, and the feeling of euphoria took the place of all that was fucked up in my life. I grabbed the bottle of J. D. off of the dresser and unscrewed the top. Not bothering with a glass, I tipped the bottle back and took one large gulp after another. The fire that it created as it rolled down my throat and into my gut was a welcome distraction in that moment. By the time I arrived at the venue, I was flying high and ready to fucking rock out!
"You're fucking high man!" Court exclaimed, getting in my face. "You go on stage in less than fifteen minutes and you look like a fucking zombie. If you screw this up, so help me God, you'll wish you hadn’t!" He said through clenched teeth, a huge vein in his neck looked like it could blow at any moment.
After Sweet Misery played their last song, they exited the stage and Tegan headed straight for me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and covered my mouth with hers. Being the dick that I was, I kissed her back. She was warm and female, and I was a dick. That night, I played my ass off, and the concert was a huge success. After three encores, we all headed to a local dive bar to celebrate yet another sold out show. We entered the crowded bar and immediately gathered around the pool table in the corner where a group of guys were already playing.