"I'll bet you a thousand bucks you can't call it," I said to the tall skinny guy with the shaved head and full sleeve of tattoos. Everyone around the table stopped what they were doing as the skinny guy considered the challenge I had just thrown at him.
"You've got yourself a bet, and you had better be ready to put your money where your mouth is," he grinned and took a swig of his Corona. He leaned over the green felt and struck the white ball, slamming it into the solid blue which banked off the side and went straight into the corner pocket; just like he had said it would. Being the cocky asshole that I was, I took it to the next level.
Taking a healthy gulp of my Jack Daniels, I looked him in the eye and said, "I've got two thousand that says you can't do that again." I took another gulp of my drink and ignored the guys as they tried to get me to shut the fuck up.
"You're fucking high out of your mind, dude. Let's get out of here," Chance said as he grabbed my arm in an attempt to pull me away, but I shrugged him off. "You don't know what you're doing," he insisted, but I continued to ignore him.
I looked up at the skinny dude, who was smirking at me, and he said, "Let's make that four thousand." He tipped his bottle back and swallowed down the last of his beer. I smiled and nodded, letting him know that I was all in. There was no way in hell that he would make that next shot. His last ball on the table was blocked by the eight ball, and I was pretty sure there was no way around it without knocking it in. When I agreed, he smiled big enough to reveal his tobacco stained teeth, then pulled his stick back, striking the cue ball, knocking it against the green nine ball, which banked off the center rail, around the eight ball, and straight into the corner pocket. Just like that, I was down five thousand dollars.
How can things possibly get any worse?
"You fucking cheated!" I narrowed my eyes at him and staggered as I turned to walk away, but I was stopped when a big hand landed on my shoulder.
"Look, Pretty Boy, you owe me. Unless you want to be carried out of here tonight, I suggest you pay me what you owe me," he warned. Levi stepped between us and placed his hands on my chest, pushing me and causing me to take a step back.
"No need for violence, man," Levi told the man and his friends, who seemed to have gathered behind him. "He's fucked up, man. He doesn't know what he's doing," Levi told him, but the skinny guy rolled his neck and shoulders, while pinning me with his gaze.
"I'm about to fuck him up like he's never been fucked up before!" He announced, balling his hands into tight fists at his side.
"Here you go, dude. Here's your money." Chance said, holding out a wad of cash for the skinny guy to take. He reached out and took it, thumbing through it to make sure it was all there. "We good?" Chance asked. The guy nodded in agreement, then pinned me with his stare again.
"You're lucky your friends were with you tonight. My guys and I aren't usually the forgiving types, but we are willing to let you walk out of here this time. You need to think twice before you start spouting shit," he warned.
That's it! I've heard enough.
With the adrenaline coursing through my veins, mixed with the drugs and alcohol, all of my common sense went right out the window. I drew back my fist and laid it on the right side of his jaw. I let him get in a few good licks, as I welcomed the pain. Hell, I deserved it. Fists were flying, blood splattered, and the next thing I knew, I was in handcuffs, being placed in the back of a police car listening to the officer as he read me my rights. The sound of metal clinking against metal woke me up, as the heavy cell door swung open.
"McKay, you're outta here," the officer said. I actually had it in me that morning to feel a little regret for what had happened that night, even though I was sure I didn’t remember it all. I knew the guys would be more than happy to fill me in once I got back to the hotel. I was led down a narrow hall, past a few offices, before we entered an area where I saw Court talking to an officer at the desk.
Shit!
The officer behind the desk looked over his shoulder at me and then pressed a button under the desk. I heard a click, indicating that he had unlocked the door for me.
"Let's go." That was all Court had to say as he turned and began walking toward the exit. We were immediately confronted by reporters and photographers, trying to get my side of the story. "No comment." Court told them, as he grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the car waiting at the curb. I opened the door and slid in as Court walked around the front of the car and slid in under the wheel. The camera flashes and cell phone videos continued. "What the fuck were you thinking?" He finally asked. His grip on the steering wheel tightened, causing his knuckles to turn white and the muscle in his jaw to twitch with anger. "You know what," he turned his head in my direction for a moment then turned his attention back to the road ahead. "Don't answer that, because I'm tired of hearing your excuses. When we get back to the bus we're going to have a band meeting and I'm going to leave it up to the guys this time. They can decide whether they want to kick you out or not. I'm going to warn you though; they're pretty pissed with you right now, so I wouldn't hold my breath. I will say that if they vote to let you stay this time, there won't be a next time; I'll make sure of that. I won't stand by and watch you kill yourself. If you're so hell-bent on offing yourself, at least have enough respect for your friends to do it without dragging them down with you!" He spat out.
The ride back to the bus was made in total silence, and although he was no longer chastising me, I could hear him loud and clear. I would be lucky if the guys didn’t kick me out; I couldn't blame them if they did. It was what I deserved. I felt like I was drowning, sinking a little deeper into the black abyss every day, with no hope of ever surviving.
Maybe I don’t want to survive. I was surprised when the guys decided to give me another chance: a chance that I was sure to screw up.
Linc
Omaha, Nebraska
It had been a week since Honesty left, and I missed her every moment of every day. She was the only light in the darkness that was my life, and now she was gone, and it was my fault. I would never forgive myself for pushing away the only good thing to ever happen in my life. After she left, Tegan and I had a big blow up. She simply couldn’t keep her fucking hands to herself, and she always had an endless supply of drugs. I knew that as long as she was around and offering, there was not a chance in hell of me ever getting better.
We all sat down with Court and told him that he needed to do something about Sweet Misery, or we would be walking away from the tour. We weren't able to kick them off the tour, but at least they would have a separate staging room, stay at a different hotel, and their bus would leave before ours. We were like two ships passing in the night, and all I could say was, “Thank fuck for that!”
We played a killer concert at the Century Center in Omaha. The crowd were wicked as usual, with half naked women, body surfing, and random underwear being thrown at our feet. I prepared for the show the same way that I always had, except for the usual two lines of coke; it was up to three, and I chased it with as much Jack as I could get in my system before going on stage.
The stage lights went down as we took our designated places on stage. When the strobes began to flash and the backdrop came to life, the crowd exploded with screams so loud I was pretty sure some of the windows shattered in the building. That was the shit that made it all worthwhile. The rush of the crowd, the buzz of adrenaline in the air. I stripped out of my shirt as Levi began his third song. My heart was thundering like a freight train in my chest, threatening to break free. I was not sure if the roaring in my ears was from the crowd or the blood rushing through my head. My head felt as if it had been stuffed with cotton, and I felt like I could just float away. I felt fucking invincible. Once Jinx began his drum solo, the other guys stepped to the side of the stage and grabbed bottles of water; everyone but me. I suddenly had the bright idea to climb to the top of the light scaffolding at the back of the stage.