"That's not true, Linc. It's not too late to turn things around. Whether you want to believe it or not, we all believe in you and want what's best," I told him, and hoped that he could see the sincerity in my eyes. "I want to help you, if you'll let me," I said, and before I could say anything else, the doctor in the white jacket walked into the room.
"Your blood work looks good, Mr. McKay," he said, getting right down to business. "Have you given any thought to what we discussed this morning?" he asked.
Linc's eyes lift to mine, and he looked so vulnerable lying there, and it did something to my heart. It's all I could do to fight back the tears, but I managed. I nodded, and gave him an encouraging smile to let him know that I was behind him.
"You think this is what I should do?" He asked me. "You meant what you said about helping me?" His tired eyes pleaded with me.
"Yes. You can do this. I know you can, and I'll be with you every step of the way, if you want," I promised.
He held my gaze for several, long moments before he turned back to the doctor and said, "Make the arrangements, and I'll go.”
I released the breath that I'd been holding, and gave him a warm smile. I meant every word of what I had said. I would be with him every step of the way, if that's what it took for him to get through this.
"You're making the right decision, Mr. McKay. I'll arrange everything and one of the nurses will be in with the paperwork for your signature within the hour. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it is going to be a tough road, but it will be worth it, I promise you," he said, and then turned and walked from the room, closing the door behind him.
Linc
Now that I had made the decision to get some help, the thought of drying out scared the hell out of me. I had heard many horror stories about seizures and vomiting your guts out, among other things, and I was not looking forward to that. It was why I had never done it. I always kept enough in my system to avoid those nasty symptoms, and now I had just agreed to go through with it willingly. My mind was like a tornado with thoughts of the life I had been living, along with thoughts of what I was about to put myself through. Then there was the question of what this beautiful woman was doing here, sitting by my side, holding my hand, and making promises to see me through this when she could be anywhere else. She had to be my guardian angel, sent here to watch over me. There was no other explanation for it. I had definitely never done anything worthy, but obviously someone sent her to me, and for that, I would be forever grateful. I knew there was something special about her from the moment I saw her. She was not only beautiful, out spoken, and a spitfire; she had a smile and a beauty within that drew me to her. I also knew that I needed to face the reality that once everything was said and done, and out in the open, she would more than likely decide that my sorry ass was not worth it. Hell, I knew I was not worth it, but, I would take it while I could, because no one had ever shown me that type of kindness.
"Okay, Mr. McKay, I've got the papers here for you to sign for your transfer. You'll be going to the Promise House in Los Angeles, where you'll spend six months to a year, depending on what the director feels you need, and the progress that you make. I understand that your manager is making travel arrangements for you. I'm sure he'll be speaking with you about that. I'll just leave these here for you, and I'll be back in a few minutes to see if you have any questions. If not, just sign the places that I've indicated and we'll move forward with the plans of getting you the help that you need," she explained, and laid the papers and a pen on top of the rolling table beside the bed before turning and leaving the room. I stared at the papers almost as if they were a snarling beast about to bite my hand off if I touched it.
"Do you want me to help you with those?" Honesty asked from the chair beside my bed. Her soft, silky voice wrapped around me like a warm hug, helping to ease my anxiety. This is it: the first step to a new life. Once I had read through the information and signed where indicated, I tossed the paper and pen back on top of the table for the nurse. Step Number One taken. I could now take a deep breath and check that one off of my list.
"I'm glad you're being transferred to Los Angeles. You'll be close enough to the condo that we can all visit as often as they'll allow," she said, breaking my thoughts. She made a good point: I had not even thought about the bands condo is in Los Angeles. That was where we all usually stayed while we were on break.
"You'll be staying there? I thought you had school. I mean, I thought I heard Jinx mention that you had re-enrolled in classes," I told her. No matter how much I wanted her close by, I would never ask her to leave school for my sorry ass.
"Of course, I'll be there. My classes are online, so it won't be like I'm missing anything," she told me, and I felt somewhat relieved to hear that she wouldn’t be giving it up. The remainder of the day flew by, and once the guys all stopped by to offer words of encouragement and leave, taking Honesty with them. Court and I left for the airport to board the plane headed for Los Angeles. My mind was once again a whirlwind of thoughts, some good and some not so good. I had twenty-four hours ahead of me to sort them out.
I was surprised when our limo pulled to a stop in front of a large stucco home with acres of trees, plush green grass, and a beautiful lake behind it. The place looked more like a resort instead of rehab, but the sign in front of the place confirmed that we are at the right place. We were greeted by a thin, gray haired man with glasses who led us into his office where he proceeded to explain their process for detox and therapy, both of which I was not looking forward to. I had to hand over my suitcase where a nurse searched through my things for any type of drugs or drug paraphernalia. My things were locked in a locker and would only be given to me with my physician’s approval. I said, “Goodbye” to Court and was led to my room, which consisted of a mattress on the floor with a pillow and a blanket.
Let the fun begin.
The doctor at the hospital had kept me on medication to keep me from detoxing. Now there will be no drugs to keep me comfortable. This would just be me; the nausea, sweats, the muscle pain, and body aches. I prayed that I didn’t have seizures, but if I did, I would just have to keep telling myself that it was my fault that I was there.
Linc
Six months later
"You're ride is here, Mr. McKay," the nurse said, as she stepped into my room, carrying the suitcase with my belongings in it. I gave her a nod, took the suitcase from her hand, and followed her down the hall on anxious feet. I thought today would never come, and now that it was here, I was not sure how I felt about it. At least in there, I didn't have to worry about being tempted with drugs or alcohol, but I knew that once I stepped through that door, I would be faced with temptations that I was not ready for yet.
"Hey man. You ready to go home?" Court asked as he offered his hand for me to shake.
"Yeah, let's get outta here," I told him, and followed him outside to the waiting S.U.V.
"You look real good. You've put on a little weight, and I don't mean in a bad way. You were starting to look skinny, now you just look healthy," he said as he pulled out into traffic. "The guys are all waiting at the condo for you," he said, and then turned his attention back to the road. I wanted to ask him if Honesty was there, but decided against it. Why would she be? She visited a few times, but visiting days are few and far between when you're in rehab. She had her own life. She had school to worry about, not some washed up, addict, rocker. We arrived at the Condo thirty minutes later and I felt relief flood my body and some of the tension loosened in my shoulders at the sight of my home, and the thought of sleeping in my own bed, surrounded by my friends who happen to be the only family that I had. It was good to be home.