My heart sank, hearing her words. I would rather her scream and shout, maybe even slap me, at least then I would know that I meant something to her, but she basically just shrugged it off. The only thing I could do was move forward and hope that she forgave me enough to be my friend. I could work toward winning her love. We stood there for a few long moments just staring out at the crashing waves before she finally spoke again.
"I'm going to head back now," she hooked her thumb in the direction of the condo. "I still have a lot of studying to do," she said, her voice full of sadness. She cocked her head and looked at me, as if she could see deep into my dark soul "You going be okay?" She asked me.
I gave a nod with a look of disbelief on my face; disbelief that she would ask me if I was okay, when she should be kicking sand in my face. I turned to watch her walk up the stone pathway and disappear into the house, then turned back to face the water. I lowered myself down onto the sand to think about what just happened; the hurt in her eyes when I told her about sleeping with Teagan. She may have brushed it off as if it was nothing, but I could see it in her eyes. She still cared about me, whether she wanted me to know it or not, and I would do my damndest to win her back.
I sat for a long time, staring at the ocean, and the sun was already starting to set. Brushing the sand from my pants, I walked up the stone pathway, into the house where everyone was gathered around the big screen, playing the X-box. I sat on the end of the couch as Honesty and Jinx played Call of Duty. The sound of curse words and laughter was like music to my ears after spending six months listening to a bunch of addicts piss and moan about why we used. Honesty glanced in my direction and smiled. She might not have said that she was mad or hurt, but the vibe she was giving off was not one of joy. It made me feel like shit and I wanted to kick my own ass.
"I'm going to head upstairs and call my sponsor. I have to check in and let him know that I've gotten home and settled in," I announced as I moved toward the stairs, but Honesty stopped me.
"Oh! I forgot to tell you, I moved my stuff into the office for the time being. I'll sleep on the foldout so that you can have your room back," she said with a sweet smile that I definitely did not deserve.
"You didn't have to do that. I can sleep on the foldout," I told her, but she shook her head in disagreement, causing her shiny, brown hair to fall over one shoulder, covering her left breast.
"No. That is your room. I should have taken the office to begin with. It is not a big deal," she said and picked the controller up off of the coffee table and sat back down. I knew there was no point in arguing. She had already made up her mind, so I respected her decision and walked up the stairs to my room to make my phone call.
My sponsor thought it was a good idea to wait until after the first of the year to go back on the road with the guys. He also thought it was a good idea to have a sober companion stay with me, however he wasn't so sure it was such a good idea for that someone to be Honesty. He said he felt like it might put unnecessary pressure on me because I was attracted to her. However, once I explained that I had come clean about Teagan, and how Honesty brushed it off by saying that we weren't a couple, he thought we might actually be able make it work.
I stripped out of my clothes, leaving only my boxers on and slid beneath the cool sheets on my bed. Immediately, the sweet smell of jasmine and vanilla flooded my senses and I pictured Honesty's naked body curled beneath the sheets. My dick hardened at the thought. Closing my eyes, I drifted off, remembering the feel of her silky skin beneath my fingertips.
"Where the hell have you been, boy?" My father shouted as I stepped inside the rusty old trailer where my father spent most of his time drinking, among other things.
"I was at school, just like I am any other day of the week." I knew the moment it came out of my mouth I would regret it. My father grabbed the back of my shirt and slung me across the room, where I landed in a heap after hitting the thin paneling on the wall.
"You know better than to smart off to me boy. I don't know why you even bother going to that sorry excuse of a school. You can't teach somebody who's stupid! You need to get out and get a job. Earn your keep. By the time I was fourteen, I was working at the mill ten hours a day. It turned me into a man! You're just a pathetic excuse of a boy," he snarled, showing his tobacco-stained teeth. "Get your ass up off the floor and get this place cleaned up. I'm meeting’ the boys to play cards and this place better be spotless by the time I get back."
I awoke with a start, sitting straight up in bed, gasping for air, my heart pounding, and sweat dripping from my hair. It was just a dream, I reminded myself. I didn't start having these fucking dreams again until I detoxed. Remembering my dad was not something that I want to do. He was right where he should be: six feet under, in the Lexington county cemetery. I thought I buried those fucking memories with him that day, but somehow, they've escaped with a vengeance. Looking at the window, I could see that it was still early. The sun was not even up, but I didn’t think I could go back to sleep after that dream, so I slipped on a pair of shorts and headed down stairs. There was nothing better than watching the sunrise over the ocean.
Honesty
After Linc went upstairs, I handed my game controller off to one of the guys and went to my room. I crawled into bed, not caring that I was fully clothed and replayed Linc's words from our earlier conversation on the beach. I thought I would crumble when he told me that he'd slept with Teagan, not once, but twice. My instincts had been right about them having a past; I just didn't know the full extent of it. Now I know that it wasn't only sexual, she also supplied him with drugs. I was tempted to track her down and pull her hair out by the roots. Although, his confession hurt like hell, I now know that drugs played a big part in his promiscuity and wild behavior. It also made me wonder if he was on something during the times we had sex. Maybe the things he said to me were just the drugs talking, and none of it meant anything to him.
Once again, I could hear my brother's words in the back of my mind. "Stay away from Linc." Boy was I glad that my brother was not one to say, "I told you so." Although, he would have every right, but luckily for me, he had a big heart and he also happened to love me just as much as I loved him. He might have started out by trying to shield me from things like our mom always did, but he loved me enough to let me make my own mistakes, and now he was letting me make my own decision to work with the band as Linc's sober companion.
Glutton for punishment? Probably, but I made the decision before hearing Linc's confession, and I would be damned if I backed out now. I could do this. I could spend time with Linc as a professional, all while not letting my feelings get in the way.
Yes, I can do this. I'm not sure how long I lay there, considering how to have a professional relationship, and keep my feelings pushed deep down, but my eyes eventually began to droop and sleep pulled me in.
The next morning, I woke early, just as the sun was coming up. I went to the kitchen, made a pot of coffee, and after grabbing a mug; I walked down to the beach and sat down. Watching the sun come up over the water was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Add in the sounds of the water crashing onto the beach, and it was the perfect start to the day. The sound of footsteps on the stone pathway brought me out of my thoughts. I turned to look over my shoulder, just as Linc stepped onto the sand with his own cup of coffee. He looked sexy as hell with his bed head and his ink covered chest on display.