“Don’t do this here.” It was a command, and I knew how cold it would sound, but if Emma was going to be mine, she needed to know that I was the one in charge. I wasn’t going to let her destroy us and embarrass me in public.
“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.”
My fingers twitched as I glanced to my right at the few remaining people off in the distance. I wanted to grab her and punish her. I wanted to force her to let this go, but I knew that wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t ask her to shut out her feelings any more than I could be forced to hand over my control. It was a stalemate, and I wouldn’t be the one to flinch first.
“She is nobody.” I searched her eyes as I hovered a few inches from her. Her breathing was heavy with anger, and her chest brushed against mine as she inhaled. I fought against my desire to lift her skirt and fuck her into submission, to claim her as mine in front of everyone so she would have no doubt.
“Was she your girlfriend?” her face inched closer to mine. I could lie to her. I could fill her full of bullshit like I was always so good at doing, but she was pushing my buttons. And as much as I knew the honesty would hurt her, I was tired of the lies. I just hated how much the truth would hurt her.
“It wasn’t like that. I met her at a club she…works at.”
“Did you fuck her?”
I took a step back and ran my hand over my jaw. This wasn’t the place for this. Emma stepped forward, pushing against my chest so she could run. She had run from me so many times before, but now she had nowhere to go. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back against the tree.
“Let me explain.” I placed my hands on either side of her face against the tree, so she couldn’t leave.
“It’s a yes or no question.” She pushed against my chest again, but I didn’t move. Her eyes danced across the cemetery. We were completely alone now.
“Please, fucking listen to me.” I hated begging for anything, but I needed her to hear me out so she wouldn’t run off with nightmares plaguing her thoughts about what she thought had happened.
“Why was she here?” she asked as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Why was she here?” she asked again angrily.
I grabbed her wrists and held them down at her sides as I pushed my body against hers. I needed to hold her, to know she was mine. I was losing her. I couldn’t fucking lose her. She belonged to me. She had told me she was mine.
“Get off me!” she struggled to free herself from my grip, but it was halfhearted. She knew she couldn’t overpower me. Her body sagged against the tree as I held on to her like she was my gravity. She kept me grounded, and without her, I didn’t know what kind of monster I would become.
“No one before you matters.” I ran my nose along the length of her neck, inhaling the scent of flowers.
“Don’t.” The sadness in her voice was like stabbing a knife in my chest. I had caused this pain in her.
“Please,” I whispered desperately as my lips moved along her throat, leaving light kisses. My breathing grew ragged as I struggled to hold on to my sanity. “Emma, don’t leave me.” I begged, and I knew she had all of the power. It was never me. I knew I would have nothing if I lost her. My world would implode, but Emma would move on, and eventually she would find someone she deserved. The thought made me sick to my stomach. I knew it would be best to let her go, but I couldn’t. I pulled back to look at her face. She squeezed her eyes closed as she struggled to stop her tears.
“Tell me you love me.”
Her head turned away from me. I placed a hand on either side of her face, forcing her to look me in the eye.
“I don’t want to,” she whispered. I pressed my mouth against hers, needing to feel her love for me. She might not have said the words, but I knew her feelings were real. They had to be real. Her lips began to move with mine giving me a tiny glimmer of hope. Her lips parted, and I deepened our kiss, groaning as her tongue pressed back against mine. I needed to show her how much I cared for her the only way I knew how. It wasn’t with my actions, and I knew I didn’t say the things she wanted to hear, but I could make her feel it. My hand slid down her side as I pushed my hips against hers.
She pulled her lips from mine as she struggled to right her breathing.
“I can’t. I can’t do this.” She shook her head as fresh tears pricked her eyes. I slid the pad of my thumb over the apple of her cheek.
“Emma, you are the only person who means anything to me.”
Chapter Thirteen
Emma stared down at her hands, refusing to look me in the eye as big heavy drops fell through the branches of the tree. I knew in that moment I had lost her. She would never understand the things I had done. She would never forgive me for the lies and pain I had caused. I had taken a life full of promise and destroyed it, smothered it with my fucked-up sense of affection. Even though she stood in front of me, she was long gone. She was never mine to own. She wasn’t an object I could claim and keep on a shelf for when I wanted to play. I just wished I had figured that out before it was too late.
“Come home with me, please. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Please.” I needed her to understand that everything I had done was out of love for her. I knew once I spilled my secrets there would be no turning back. I wouldn’t get a second chance. I didn’t deserve one, but Emma did. She deserved to move on and find someone who wasn’t fucked up. I could give her that one last thing by letting her know who I really was.
Thunder rumbled in the distance as the rain picked up. She nodded, wrapped my arm around her waist, and I guided her toward my black BMW. We were completely soaked when we finally reached the car. Still, I opened her door and waited until she was inside and secure before I got in.
I drove for miles, listening to the sound of the rain on the car roof as I thought of where I was going to start with my confessions.
“Who is she?” Her voice shook under the weight of her words.
“She…shares a similar…lifestyle as me.” I looked over at Emma’s face scrunched in confusion.
“What does that mean? Is she a teacher?”
I laughed sardonically at her innocence and how fucked up of a person I really was. “No.” I shook my head as I stole another glance at her.
“She’s…like me.”
“No. No one is like you.” I reached over to take her and offer her some sort of comfort, but she pulled away, recoiling from my touch. She pressed herself against her door as I repeated her words. “She’s like me.” Her eyes burned into me as she let the information sink in.
“But why would you…?” Her voice trailed off as she struggled to understand why I needed to do the things I did. For her it was fun and kinky, but for me it was a necessity. It was the only way I could get close to someone else. I could never let my guard down. I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. I needed to get us back to my place. I couldn’t do this without looking her in the eye. I pushed down on the gas pedal as I made my way down the highway.
“Slow down.”
“She helped me work through things, Emma.” If I could just make her understand—it was the only way I could be close to anyone.
“Work through things? What does that even mean?”
“Sexually. She is a…dom—” I reached out for her again, but she refused my touch.
“Slow down.” She called out again.
“Why was she there?”
That was the real question, and I knew I was going to throw her entire world out of orbit with the information I had to share.
“She wasn’t there for me. She came to pay her respects to your aunt.” I glanced over at her before focusing on the road. The rain was coming down so hard that the wipers couldn’t keep up.