"Oh. I can handle it," she said with a bright smile, reaching down and picking him up.
It felt decidedly strange being held by someone that was not part of his little family, and it caused an irrational surge of fear in him. But Denai's hands were gentle and her hold on him reassuring, enveloping, surrounding him with a sense of peace. He settled down after a moment, and with that calming came a peculiar feeling of safety that could only be found while being held in the arms of a protector. Tarrin actually found himself able to relax in her comforting hold, and he settled in against her arm and closed his eyes as Denai carried him down the ridge, down towards the massive throng of the Selani Gathering.
It was a small victory, but he'd take them any way he could. He had managed to allow a stranger to pick him up. Like Mist, he had allowed himself to come into a position where he did not have full control, and the idea of that was not as terrifying now as it seemed but a moment ago. There was fear-there was still fear-but he found that he could tolerate it.
It was more than he would have allowed a month ago.
The Selani were much different to him now.
Var and Denai had reached the outside edge of the massive Gathering about a half hour after sunset, and the lights of the fires illumated the barren, sandy landscape. The Selani here were boisterous, but not reckless. There was loud music, drinking, dancing, talking, laughing, but no carousing or improper behavior that one would see in a group of drunk humans. Even in drinking, the Selani dignity and sense of honor overwhelmed the loosening effect of their drink, making the sounds coming from campfires one of celebration and togetherness rather than a drunken row. The Selani were family, even in such a huge gathering of them, and they acted like such.
That didn't mean that there wasn't activity. Around some campfires, some watched as others battled one another in the Dance, or even with weapons. But after watching a moment, he saw that it was more of a friendly challenge, a competition, not a fight. The Holy Mother forbade the Selani from fighting each other, and that prohibition was strong enough even here to hold true. Around others, there was dancing. He never thought of the Selani as dancers-their word for dance was the name of their fighting art form-but they were well suited for it. Both males and females danced, either alone or with one another, and their steps were light and well measured. These were ritual forms, dances taught, not the random undulations that passed for dance in some societies. It was graceful and delicate, where even the motion of a finger seemed to carry meaning and importance. He didn't have time to watch a full dance, since Denai was carrying him, but he saw enough to be impressed by both the Selani aptitude and the gentle beauty of the dances they performed.
"Ask Denai where we're going," Tarrin told the nearby Sarraya in the manner of the Cat.
"Tarrin wants to know where we're going," Sarraya relayed from her invisible position.
"I'm following Var," she shrugged.
"I'm looking for my mother's tribe," he announced. "They're very good friends with my tribe, and my grandmother will offer us hospitality until one of our tribes get here."
Tarrin kept watching the Selani as he was carried along, and after several moments, he realized a fundamental difference between them and humans. Humans who didn't know one another didn't care. They were unfeeling, indifferent. It wasn't so with the Selani. They cared for one another, even complete strangers, greeting one another in a benevolent fashion, where complete strangers could sit down at the fire of a tribe and find welcome. Allia told him that there was occasional friction between tribes or clans, but from what he saw watching them, those frictions had to be nothing like frictions between human societies. The Holy Mother's forbiddance to fight with one another had settled into her people in a very good way, making them cordial and compassionate to one another. Even bitter enemies could sit side by side at one of those fires and find acceptance. And while the rival may not like the Selani, he would respect his honor and afford him proper treatment. They treated their children with love and gentleness, he saw, a child finding complete safety no matter where he or she went, since every Selani around the child would keep an eye out for the child's safety and well being, would give the child the attention he or she needed. Allia had told him that all Selani took a hand in raising the children, and watching them, he understood her meaning. A Selani child had a mother and father, but the child's tribe were aunts and uncles and cousins. To be raised in an environment of such love! Tarrin was lucky to have been raised in a similar environment, since the farm had been out and away from the village. He could identify with them.
It was so much different than humans. A human sitting at a stranger's fire would be treated with hostility at best, outright violence at worst. But these Selani were kind, something he wasn't used to seeing out of strangers. It explained a little Var's strange need to travel with them… he felt it only right and proper to help Tarrin. Not because he got something out of it, but because it was the right thing to do. It relieved him that he finally understood that, since Var's insistence of travelling with him had confused and annoyed him more than a little bit.
He saw a fundamental truth. Out in this barren wasteland, the Selani only had each other, so they made the absolute best of it. It explained their hostility to outsiders, whom they saw as interlopers, threatening the peace and security of their lands. The Selani had made the correct assumption of the dark nature of the human being, and treated them like the natural enemies that they surely were. Most humans saw Selani as savage barbarians, because of their habit of killing all members of any invasion into their lands. If they only knew how terribly wrong that conclusion was.
His view of the Selani changed significantly in that walk through Gathering, but it did little to calm his irrational fear of them. No matter how impressed he was with them, no matter how kindly he looked upon them, he still could not see them as anything other than strangers. That disappointed him, it made the eyeless face lurking within him to stir and threaten his peace, but he just couldn't get away from it. Though the Selani would accept him without reservation, he simply could not accept them.
Var veered away from the Cloud Spire, and that immediately did not sit well with Tarrin. The spire was his destination, and he wasn't about to delay by letting Denai carry him all over the Gathering. He was well inside the Selani now, and he doubted that any of them knew his true nature. His cat form hid his true nature from them, and he doubted he'd have much trouble navigating his way to the spire on his own. They didn't own domesticated dogs, so there were no threats of animals threatening him; all the herd animals were being kept in a huge ring around the Selani gathered around the spire, protected from predators by Scouts and guards.
He didn't intend to take them from the Gathering anyway. He decided that it was best to just leave them here and now.
He was surprised at how that made him feel. He felt unwilling to do it. Because he liked Denai, he felt he was starting to understand Var. Why would he feel that way? After all, no matter how much he got to know them, they were still strangers in his mind. They weren't his friends… and yet…
They were.
Not as good a friend as Sarraya or Dar, but he had to admit to himself that he liked Denai, that he understood Var. He had enjoyed their company, at least after he'd built up a tolerance to them. Looking within himself, he realized that he had been protecting them, and it was because he favored them. Just as he watched over and protected his sisters, his family, his friends, just as he absolutely would not allow them to be harmed, he had started treating the two Selani the exact same way. Without ever realizing it. He acted hard towards them, but it was because he would not admit to himself what he was feeling. And despite his harsh treatment, they remained with him. Because they saw in him someone that needed their help, and their Selani nature would not allow them to turn their backs on him. Without even realizing what they were doing.