"That must not have been easy."
"No, it wasn't," she admitted. "Mist was very erratic back then. I could tell she was afraid of me, but something wouldn't let her abandon me. It was very nervous for both of us at first." She leaned down on one paw and stared at him evenly. "I realized that she'd kill me if I ever got her mad, so I was always very careful. I came to understand her, though, and even to love her like my own mother. I can't tell you how happy I was when she opened up to you, Tarrin. You made her open up to me, too. I can never thank you enough for that."
"It was for her, Kimmie."
"I know. That's what makes it so wonderful," she smiled.
"I'm surprised you came here, you know," he told her.
"Why?"
"You don't seem like the type, that's all."
"I know," she chuckled. "I'm really not all that great of a fighter, Tarrin. I know that. The others tease me about it all the time, but it doesn't bother me as much as it bothers them. Even though I have the strength and the claws and the hunting mentality, I'm just not the kind to kill anything I don't intend to eat. I just don't have the heart, I guess."
"Then why did you come?"
"Because you needed me," she said with simple logic. "Even though I'm not much of a fighter compared to other Were-cats, I'm still a Were-cat. That gives me certain advantages against humans."
"True enough," he agreed, leaning back a little.
"My turn. What's it like?"
"What?"
"I understand things more than the others, Tarrin. You're both a Sorcerer and a Druid. You're tall as Triana, and you have a sense about you that makes everyone afraid of you. You may be Were now, but you were once human, like me, and I know that it makes you much more human than you look. It must be lonely."
"It would be if I didn't have friends who knew me beforehand," he admitted.
"I'm not talking about just that, Tarrin," she said, looking at him. "I know how hard it was. How hard it is. You're different from the others, like I am. They're nice enough to you, and you know they accept you, but you always feel like you'll never quite be a part of them, like you were once a part of the human culture."
Tarrin lowered his eyes. He had felt like that for a long time, understanding it back when he'd first met Kimmie. He'd told Thean how alien they all felt to him, like he didn't quite belong. Time had buried that memory, but she had excavated that old knowledge within him. "I did feel that way when I first met all of you," he admitted. "But alot has happened since then. This, for one," he said, holding out his paw, where the fetlocks dangled from the outside of his wrist. "It did more than change my body. I actually feel as old as I look now, even though I'm barely nineteen. It's like I've lived a thousand years in the last two."
"Well, from what I heard, you did alot in those years, Tarrin," Kimmie told him with a smile. "That can't help but make it feel like it's been longer."
"It's more than that," he said. "I look at you, and all I can think is how young you are, how young you look. And the truth is that you're older than I am. It confuses me sometimes, because I'll be thinking about how young people are so different, when I'm actually one of them myself."
"You are who you are," she told him. "Whatever makes you feel comfortable is what you should be."
"You should hire out as a sage, Kimmie."
She laughed. "I've just been there, Tarrin. I stopped trying to please the others a long time ago. I found that this is who I am, and if they don't like it, that's their problem, not mine." She looked him in the eyes. "That's what's most important for us, Tarrin. If we don't feel comfortable about ourselves, it upsets our balance, and that makes it hard for us to cope with the instincts. Both sets of them."
"You're right about that," he agreed.
"I tried being the pattern Were-cat female, but I found it wasn't my style," she revealed. "I was born human, and most of me likes to act that way. And that works for me. I know that you're alot different."
He nodded. "I'm a pattern Were-cat," he chuckled.
"Not quite," she smiled. "You still have alot of human in you. I can see it in the way you act."
"I guess I'll never get rid of it."
"Don't get rid of it if you'd miss it," she warned.
"I know."
She laughed. "The others think that humans are so soft and pliable, but they've never experienced the full force of human instinct," she told him. "Natural Were-cats are born with more Cat than human, and it shows in all of them. For me, the human instincts are actually the dominant ones. They're just more willing to work with the Cat than the Cat is to work with the human."
"I'm not so sure about me," he said. "In me, they're more or less equal."
"I know," she told him. "But I can see the human in you, where the others can't. I know what to look for, after all."
"You know, you seem to know a great deal about that, from both viewpoints."
"I kind of studied it for a while," she told him. "I observed Were-cats, and I kept a journal for about ten years so I could have a record of everything I was feeling. Since it defines us, I thought it would be a good idea to understand how we act as much as possible. I thought that it would help me find my balance."
"Did it?"
"Not a bit," she laughed. "The problem was that I was trying so hard I was missing the simplest answer."
"What is that?"
"To just be," she replied. "Be whatever suited me most."
"I wish I'd have figured that out sooner," he grunted.
"How long it takes isn't as important as it happening," she reminded him. "Why is Jesmind going with you?"
"Jasana," he told her. "Jasana is a Sorceress, Kimmie."
"Really?"
He nodded. "And she's powerful. She's easily more powerful than I am. She can't control that power, so she absolutely has to stay near me, because her life depends on it. Since I have no choice but to go, she has to go too. Jesmind agreed to come with us."
"That must not have been easy," Kimmie noted.
"Actually, it was easier than I thought it would be," he said with a snort. "I made her understand that Jasana's life depended on it. Once I got her to see that, she more or less gave in. But she's been cranky all day," he chuckled. "I think she feels like she gave in too quickly now that it's over."
"Jesmind has an ego, Tarrin, as well as about a lake full of pride. And let's not mention how stubborn she is."
"She's just like me," Tarrin grinned.
"I know. I'm surprised you two didn't kill each other, especially since I know that you didn't know about Jasana."
"We did come to blows," he admitted. "When did you find out about that?"
"Jesmind brought Jasana over to visit with Mist a few times," she replied. "She and Mist struck up quite a friendship. Nearly surprised me out of my dress to see her warm to a stranger the way she did, but I guess she and Jesmind have something in common."
"What?"
"You, silly," Kimmie grinned, smacking him lightly on the arm. "They both have a child by you. They almost looked like a couple of sisters."
"What is Eron like?"
"Loud," Kimmie said with a wicked little laugh. "Loud, energetic, unmindful, and he always knows exactly what will get him in the most trouble. Mist has so much patience with him that I still can't believe it. I thought she'd start tearing her hair out a long time ago."