But for every one that was staying, another was coming along. His blood sisters would be with him, as would Dolanna. Kimmie would be there to talk to, talk to someone that understood him in ways nobody else really could, and he'd have Camara Tal to teach him and Phandebrass to amaze him or surprise him or shock him every day. It would be a long journey, but he wouldn't get bored.
But it still didn't change the fact that Jesmind wouldn't be there. Jasana wouldn't be there, and Jula wouldn't be there. They were his family, just as much as Jenna and his parents and his sisters and his bond-mother. He'd have some of his family with him, but others would not be there, and Jesmind was the most important of them all. He loved his fiery mate, and the idea of leaving her was like a rock stuck in his belly. But he had no choice. He knew it, she knew it, and they both had to live with it.
Jasana had taken it surprisingly well. His little girl seemed a little, different. She showed signs of her usual self, but there was something else in her eyes now, a maturity, a knowledge that shouldn't be there. Tarrin got the feeling that the joining with the Goddess had caused that to be, and it had changed his daughter. But she was still Jasana, and she showed signs that whatever had changed her would not change her too much. It was just something extra in her gaze now, and there were times when she showed unusual maturity. The fact that her father was leaving her was one of those areas. He had told her when he'd gotten up, told both her and Jula, and where he expected her to plead and wheedle and cajole him into staying, she had simply nodded gravely and asked when he was going to come home. That had surprised him, nearly so much so that he almost forgot to tell Jula that Jenna wanted her to stay in Suld, and he wanted her to stay as well and help watch over Jasana. Jula hadn't been too pleased, since she would be much happier away from the Tower and the people in it, but she only sighed and agreed when he told her that it wasn't a request, it was an order. It was even worse for her because Kimmie was going with Tarrin, who was her only real friend. Without Kimmie, Jula would only have Jenna, Jesmind, and Jasana. And Tarrin knew that Jesmind wasn't going to warm to Jula very quickly, so that was going to be an unpleasant period of adjustment for both of them.
They would manage. He hoped that they would be alright while he was gone. Jasana would get bored alot, and Jula would be very quiet for a while, and Jesmind would be a royal, total, complete and utter bitch to everyone she saw for the first few rides, as the separation from him reached it peak before she started to calm down. Tarrin was very glad he wouldn't be around to see that. Jesmind was a woman of passion, and she was also a woman of frank directness. When she was unhappy, she made sure everyone around her knew it.
Putting his paws on the rail, he looked over the sea, out into the vast blue emptiness, his eyes making out the horizon. Somewhere over that horizon, the Firestaff was waiting for him. Waiting for someone, waiting for whoever reached it first, no matter who it was. He wasn't the only one going to sail out over that horizon in search of it, and he just hoped that they wouldn't get in the way too much along the way. For the first time since he started this, for the first time, he didn't feel like he was chasing some intangible fable. He had felt its power, and now they were going after the Firestaff itself. It felt more real to him than ever before, and that made him feel much more sober about what he was doing. That power had touched him, and it had seemed almost limitless. That was the enticement luring them to it, the promise of the power, power enough to make someone a god. Even Tarrin felt that allure tugging at him, but it could find no real purchase within him. Everything the Firestaff offered, he already possessed. He already had great power, and he already had immortality. The only thing that the Firestaff could offer that he lacked was peace. Peace… well, he doubted such a thing could give him peace. Its very nature made people fight over it, and the world had exploded into war over it over the last couple of years. Absolute power… it did indeed corrupt absolutely.
Noontime. It was almost time for them to meet and make sure they had everything ready. They'd be leaving soon, and though it may take Keritanima a few hours to prepare, Tarrin would be ready as soon as he picked up his simple pack, a pack that had never really been emptied. Maybe some part of him knew that he wouldn't be at Suld very long. Even so, all it really held in it were his clothes and some small personal effects, like the little doll that had once been his and Janette's favorite toy. He was more or less ready to leave now, but he didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave Jesmind.
I can help with that, kitten, the voice of the Goddess touched him. He felt an odd surge of magical energy, and then felt something suddenly in his paw. He looked down and saw a trio of black steel shaerams, one with a longer chain than the other. Give those to your mate and daughters. With them, you will never be out of touch.
"Thank you, Mother," he said gratefully.
They are just like yours, able to do anything yours can do. They are also linked to your amulet in a way that makes it impossible for others to hear what you say. And I created them so it doesn't require Sorcery to use them. All Jesmind need do is hold the amulet and call your name, and you will hear it.
"Jesmind finally gets to shapeshift without losing her clothes," Tarrin mused with a smile. "This is a wonderful gift, Mother. Thank you very much. It'll make me feel much better."
I dare say it'll make Jesmind less bitchy, she said winsomely. You won't be here, but at least she'll be able to talk to you, and that should ease her loneliness.
"I hope so," he said.
He found all three of them in Jasana's room. Jula was still very weak and wobbly, trying to get one of Jesmind's shirts on without much success. The ordeal that had barely slowed Tarrin down for more than a couple of hours had destroyed Jula, and he worried if she would ever recover or be alright again. Jesmind was handing Jasana a pair of breeches as the little Were-cat girl picked at the fur at the end of her tail, combing out a burr. Tarrin shook his head and stepped over to Jula, grabbing the tail of the shirt and pulling it over her head.
"Thanks," she said with a weak smile, sitting back down on the bed and breathing a little hard to recover. "I was going to try the pants first, but I thought the shirt would be easier. Proves how smart I am," she said with a weak, rueful laugh.
"Well, this may be soemthing a little easier to put on," he told her. "Jesmind, Jasana, here," he called, making them come over. He handed Jasana her amulet first, then Jesmind, then reached the last back to Jula.
"What is this, Tarrin?" Jula asked, looking at the amulet. "I feel… something about it."
"It's a gift," he told them. "A gift from the Goddess."
"A gift for me? The Goddess gives a gift to me?" Jula asked in wide-eyed reverence. "After everything I did to her, she gives me a gift?"
"The only one punishing you over what you did is you, Jula," Tarrin told her. "The Goddess forigives you. Can't you see that?"
"I, I guess so, but-" she said, but then she broke off and wiped a tear from her eye.
"These are like mine," he told them, looking at Jesmind. "They'll let you shapeshift without losing your clothes, and as long as you wear them, nobody can find you using magic. They're also linked to my amulet," he explained, touching his own. "All you have to do is hold it in your paw and speak my name, and you can talk to me no matter where I am."
Jesmind stared at the amulet a long moment, then squealed in delight and gave her mate a deep kiss. "Tarrin, this is perfect!" she beamed. "Now I can keep in touch with you. And I can shapeshift any time I want!"
"Oh, wait," he said, realizing something. "The Goddess said that they were exactly like mine. I'll bet that means that if you put them on, you won't be able to take them off. So it's your decision if you want to wear it."