“Why me?”
“Just do as I say,” I demand. “I’ll make sure you’re doing well and then go look for Carolus.”
“Ah, I forgot. First make sure World War III won’t happen, and then make sure to save the lazy human who’s done nothing to find a cure.”
“That’s it.” I’m not going to argue now.
“I think you will need to stay longer, Alice.” The March grits his teeth against all things crashing around us.
“Why?”
“You need to inject the Queen of Hearts.”
“She is a Wonderlander. She can’t get infected with the truth.”
“Not if it’s inhaled from the Hookah of Hearts, but she injected it into the tea, and that’s a different story. I just remembered.”
“Well, you should have remembered about two years ago,” the Pillar says. “No wonder she is all bonkers, shooting saucers like a short stocky alien in a movie I never saw.”
“All right.” I grit my teeth. “So I’ll inject the Queen.”
“Did you notice we’ve been discussing this a bit too long?” Fabiola urges us. “Let’s get going.”
“But they always have long chats in movies when bullets are showering all around them.” The Pillar has one of those childish episodes again.
“Stop it,” I shush him. “Let’s go. In the chest, remember?”
“Wait,” the March itches his ears. “I just remembered something now.”
The Pillar rolls his eyes.
“The syringes don’t work when you pinch them into the chest,” the March says. “It has to be the...”
“The what?” I am as impatient as the Pillar now.
“In the butt.”
Fabiola and I are so shocked we can’t utter a word. But the Pillar curves an eyebrow and has a smile on his face. “Fantabulous. Why didn’t you say so from the beginning?”
Chapter 98
Parking Lot, UN Headquarters, Geneva, Switzerland
Carolus was close to hitting his head against the walls. It hurt so much. He needed another Lullaby pill. Why hadn’t this terrible Queen given him more than one pill?
“Cool down,” he spoke to himself. “It’ll only be moments before Alice comes looking for you outside. Be patient.”
But he couldn’t. He fell on his knees, his head buried in his hands. “I hate you, Lewis Carroll!”
While on the asphalt floor outside the meeting hall, he heard a voice in his head. A voice so evil he could not dismiss it.
Stand up. You’re close to achieving what no one has in years. You’re so close.
“Yes, my master.” Carolus propped himself on one knee, the pain surging into his spine now.
The voice continued.
The plan with the plague has been brilliant. Two years we have waited for this to happen. We had to bring wrath onto the world to get the attention of one girl.
“Of course, master,” Carolus said. “I must not give up. It’ll only be minutes until she comes out and the plan is complete.” Slowly, he began to rise to his feet, a dark grin forming on his face. “I’m sure this plan will be taught in history books. It’s the plan of the century.”
Chapter 99
UN Headquarters, Geneva, Switzerland
Watching Fabiola swoosh her Vorpal sword at whoever tries to stop us is both maddening and fascinating.
The best part is how good she is. She fights like an expert samurai, and it makes me more curious about her past. I watch her curve behind a few presidents and stab the first with the syringe, not emptying all of it so she can still save a few others.
The German ambassador looks so relived after his injection, as if he’s just been to the bathroom.
“Just the butt, or do we have to pull down the pants?” the Pillar says, dodging punches from a bodyguard who seems to want to hit anyone he comes across.
“Just do it!” I jump on top of a table and kick a few guards in the face with the back of my umbrella.
A lost tea cup knocks me down a moment after. I summersault back on the floor. A few None Fu techniques come in handy now.
“Bravo, Alice!” The March claps his hands, a fraction of a second before a huge pie slams into him. He starts licking at it.
I watch the Pillar inject the Iranian president in the butt and suppress a laugh. If only I could take a snapshot of that moment. It looks hilarious. The Pillar looks embarrassed that he did it. But the consequences are amazing. A smile on the president’s face, trying to calm everyone down and listening to the sound of reason.
However, there is this reporter from outside still tailing me. “Didn’t you say Bonkerstan has a cure?”
No time to explain now. I sprint on top of the tables and reach for the Queen of Hearts. If I could only get my hands on her, I’d inject her right away.
But she rewards me with a back hand like a professional tennis player. I stagger back, birds twittering around me.
On the floor, I see the Pillar trying to get hold of the American president. But it seems the president is fixated on throwing saucers at the Queen of Hearts. I wonder how this will look like in tomorrow’s headlines.
They’re so close. It’ll only be seconds before this fight turns physical.
The TV is broadcasting.
“I’m close to getting him, Alice,” the Pillar says. “You close in on the Queen from the back, and we’ll do’em both in one move.”
The TV reporter tailing me doesn’t like the sound of that at all.
I prop myself up and jump on the Queen, knocking her to the ground. The broadcasting crew is already shocked by my move—as if none of what’s going on around them is shocking.
I look as if I’m strangling the Queen, who only chirps one sentence, off with her head!
Once I get hold of her, I realize the Pillar is gripping the American president as well.
“Time to save the world.” The Pillar snickers, bending the president over as if he is going to punish him for being bad by slapping his butt.
Saying it looks surreal is an understatement. I can’t believe this is happening.
In one move, the Pillar and I inject the American president and the Queen of England with the syringes in their butts with grins of victory on our faces.
“Yes!” the Pillar says.
Turning my head, the reporter tailing me is dangling her tongue like a Mushroomer. Behind her, the camera crew have this unexplainable expression on their faces. They don’t know whether to laugh hysterically or cry.
Chapter 100
“Is that Alice sticking her hands in the Queen’s...?” Tom Truckle stood speechless staring at them.
“It’s your fault if you ask me.” The Cheshire, still posing as Jack, cops a laugh. “You’re the one who let her out of the asylum.”
“But even if she is the craziest of the crazy, why would she do that?” Of course Tom knew this wasn’t the Queen of England but the Queen of Hearts. He’d thought that last week’s events at the Event were the craziest he’d ever experience, but this topped that a million times. “I really could use my pills now.”
“I see you gulp a lot of those,” the Cheshire commented. “Are they good?”
“I don’t even know. I just take them to stay sane in this world gone mad.”
“Do they have a name? I could buy me some.”
“You won’t find them anywhere. They’re called Lullaby.”
Chapter 101
Parking Lot, UN Headquarters, Geneva, Switzerland
I leave the meeting hall looking for Carolus.
There is no need to stay in. Most of the presidents have been cured and are apologizing for what happened, talking world peace now—and of course what to do with the real plague that’s threatening the world.
I also left Fabiola trying to see if the March can cook more of this cure, although it’d be impossible to inject the whole population in their butts to save their lives.