“Just keep watching. It’s so frabjous I’m going to vomit butterflies.”
The host continues. “Professor Pillar turned out to be a national hero, having ended the reign of drug cartels in Columbia on his own.”
“You’re a national hero?” I point accusingly at him.
“For only five minutes. Just keep looking.”
“Okay.” I look around. “Did you see Jack by the way?”
“He escaped. We don’t know where he is. Don’t worry. He always comes back. Now, look!”
This time the host has decided to change her mind again. “Sorry for this confusion, but the newest thing we know is that the three of them, Carter Pillar, Alice Wonder, and Jittery Jinks all escaped lunatic asylums during the plague which explains their mischievous behaviors, including the horrible matter of killing hundreds of innocent Columbian men.”
“Told ya. Hero for five minutes,” the Pillar says.
“This will only make my problems worse.” Tom Truckle grunted. “I should have never let you two out of here.”
I am speechless. It’s a mad world indeed. But aside from needing some time to reflect on what happened with Carolus, I need to find Jack. Did he escape, looking for me?
“Where are you going?” The Pillar pulls me back. “You haven’t seen the best part.”
This time, when he points at the TV, a broad laugh from the heart escapes my lungs.
They’re airing a still image of when the Pillar and I were injecting the Queen and the American president. From this angle, this picture looks so misleading. The Pillar looks as if he has his hands up the president’s butt, mine in the Queen’s.
And it’s not just that. The grins of victory on our face proves without a doubt we’re the looniest loons in the world.
The Pillar tries to suppress the laugh for a second but then explodes. He throws the hookah and pulls my hand and starts dancing with me.
Then the Mushroomers start laughing.
A few wardens snap out of the shock of what they’re looking at and join us laughing hysterically.
Even Tom’s teenagers laugh with us.
Everyone laughs but Tom, who pulls out a load of pills and swallows them without water. He then stiffens, unable to control the laughs. Trying to shout at us doesn’t work. The veins on his neck stick out with anger, and I’m afraid he is going to have a heart attack.
Then a miracle happens.
Tom Truckle begins laughing like a madman. I don’t think he knows what he is laughing about, but it’s progress from him.
Chapter 107
Buckingham Palace, London
“Get your hands off me!” The Queen roared at Margaret, trying to mend her wounds. “I have an itch as big as an apple on my butt.”
“Royal butt heals faster than all” A young man enters her chamber all of a sudden.
The Queen and Margaret look perplexed.
“Don’t worry, I’m not Jack,” the Cheshire said. “I just borrowed him for a while. Very useful, fella. Good looking, too.”
“What do you want?” the Queen says.
“I want you to meet my friend.” The Cheshire welcomes Carolus inside.
“What is he doing here? We made a deal. I thought he was going to kill Alice while I ruled the world.”
“Funny how none of this happened.” The Cheshire enjoys a slump into a sofa and stretches his leg, his boot in the Queens face.
“You look like you want your head cut off,” she said.
“You know you’ve never succeeded in doing that, not even in Wonderland.”
“What do you want?” Margaret said.
“I want the four of us to be friends.”
“And why would we accept that?” Margaret said.
“Because it seems to me like this Alice is really the Alice.”
“I’m not going to listen to this nonsense again.” The Queen stood up.
“Think about it. She had Carroll’s key. And if that isn’t proof enough, how about that she just bought the Inklings bar and is looking for the Six Members?”
The Queen’s face tightened. “Who told her about the Inklings?”
“Doesn’t matter.” The Cheshire stood, too. “What matters is that, even if this girl is delusional, she isn’t stopping. She has a heart made of breathing fire.”
“Suppose she is,” Margaret said. “Where is all of this going?”
“We need to start to work together. Let’s forget our pasts and grudges and unite to get the Six Keys, and then we can bite at each other all we want.”
Margaret looked at the Queen for advice.
“Listen,” the Cheshire said. “Carolus is a madman when he needs his pill. I have incredible powers. Margaret is a ruthless woman. And you, My Queen, there is no one as evil as you are.”
The Queen felt pleasure. She liked the compliment.
“So be it,” she said. “If the Inklings are gathering, then I may as well welcome you and Carolus into Black Chess. But as long as you do as I say.”
“Thank you,” the Cheshire said.
“And don’t ever grin in my presence. God. You’re a creep.”
“As you wish,” he said. “Did you ever know Tom Truckle, the Radcliffe Asylum’s director is a Wonderlander, by the way?”
“Why do you say that?”
“I tried to posses him, but couldn’t.”
“Can’t be. I’m sure I’d recognize most Wonderlanders.” The Queen dismissed him.
“If you say so,” the Cheshire played with Jack’s deck of cards. “Why should I care?” he shook his shoulders. “So what’s our next move?”
“The third key, of course,” Margaret interfered. “We have the one with the Pillar, and we know Alice has one. I may have an idea were the third one is.”
“Great, but not now,” The Queen said. “I need to play with my dogs for a while. And you, Cheshire, get rid of Jack’s body. Jack is dead. I don’t want to see him walking around.”
“But, My Queen.” The Cheshire couldn’t help but flash his grin at her. “I’m planning to do horrible things with his body.”
“How horrible?”
“Horrible as in using him to learn everything about this Alice girl.”
“Now that’s brilliant.”
“And it’ll get even better once I find the Tweedles.”
Chapter 108
The Inklings, Oxford
I am cleaning the floor when the Pillar enters the bar.
“No news of Jack, yet?”
“Nothing,” I say. “Like you said, I think he will just show up on his own like he always does.”
“Can’t argue much with a boy who is a figment of his own imagination.” The Pillar knocks his cane on the ground. “How about you, are you feeling all right?”
“For letting a monster go?” I stare right at him. “Yeah. I’m fabulous.”
“Listen. I didn’t know the plague was only going to last for three days. Besides, killing Carolus will always kill Lewis.”
“Did you notice that all we do is compile Wonderland Monsters one after the other? It’s like I’m useless.”
“You’re not useless. You’re learning. If you think you’ll become an overnight hero like in comic books, you’re dearly mistaken.”
“And what about you, Pillar?” I put the broom aside.
“What about me?”
“Did you become a ruthless killer overnight, or did you have good training?”
“You’re starting to sound like Fabiola.”
“Maybe I should learn from her.”
The Pillar reverts to silence.
“Look, I’m never going to forgive you for fooling me and taking the key. And I’m not going to ask what’s with you, Fabiola, the kids, and the Executioner. I respect that each one of us has his own past,” I try to be as forward as possible. Frankly, the man is irritable in all the wrong ways. “But be warned. Once I don’t need to learn from you anymore, we won’t talk again.”
“I understand.” He flips his cane. “Don’t worry. I might be gone sooner than you think.”
“Good.” I try not to say a word so I don’t soften to him in any way. Then the stubbornness inside me takes over. “Now, you need to leave. The Inklings only welcomes those who can walk on the white tiles of chess.”